Told my bestfriend I like her, now i have no one.

[ily?no...]

So last week I told my best friend that i like her, she thought i was kidding. That night i told her while i was driving her home, it was a bit of a "remember when" situation, i told her about the time i went back for her when i was angry at her one day, but failed to find her anywhere so i was not able to tell her how i feel. That happened roughly 6 months ago, i think. We became friends really fast over the summer, and she trusted me with everything. She told me a secret she has only told her ex and her other friend. It took her ex almost 4 years to get that secret. It took me 3 months. I dont know why she told me. During the summer we would be together almost every day of the week, I took her on a lot of "firsts" eg: taking her to the beach by bus, little tokyo, Pillows concert, the list goes on... The day before school started she told me that she wanted to stay how we were, not to distance ourselves from each other is what she said. School started and i left all of my friends ALL of them, just to be with her. She joined the dance team, and i have been to all her performances. I thought we were going to end highschool together as friends. But then i realized that i may be in love with her. But sometime in november she started to distance herself from me. She started to hang out with this other guy, at first when i realized that she was holding hands with him i was devastaed, i did cry... But then i came to another realization that whenever she was done with that guy she would come back to me. We would talk on the phone until dawn, she would come over to my apartment everyday. I was fairly happy when i found this out. One day i decided to ask her why she stopped hanging out with me, and she almost broke down to tears. Over the winter break i told her and everyday at school i have no one to talk to, there is one friend that i have but she is always with this other guy who i think is going through what i am going through and i dont want to get in his way. So all i do is try to find a class and wait for the damned bell to ring. I used to hang out in a group with a bunch of people. But they were never my friends. Now i am alone, I regret telling her that i liked her, maybe i should have told her i loved her? I dont know but i have been documenting it for a while but i havent really gotten any good advice. Also i am not the best looking guy out there, I feel like i am shooting way out of my league to be with her. Her ex is still in the picture too so i have to deal with that, and he is waayyy better looking than, but she told me once that she was "with" him and she thought of me, i was happy! I dont know what to do about my situation. No doesnt call me, and when i try to call she doesnt answer, when i ask her to hang out she comes up with a lame excuse. I am trying to confront her but i am not getting a chance.

 

[Anten]

**** i want to know the secret.

I wouldn't advise you to tell her you love her until you are in a relationship., also just give her some space for now. I have told a few girls i like them but they never stop being friends with me. They just tell me that they don't like me and we go on as friends.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

I think leaving all your friends to make one person the center of your life might have been a bad move. It's just normal and healthy to have other friends, and other things in life, gravitating around you. Your girl, especially if she's just a friend, must be just one of those satellites, gravitating somewhere in the mix of everything else, not The Only Person. Especially if you love her and she doesn't.

Right now I think you need to give her space, yes, but not just for her. For you. You are too close to this situation to see things clearly. You need to take at least 3 days without contact with her. No contact at all! After those 3 days you'll be able to think your situation clearerly and start to fill your life with other people and activities.

You don't have to stop seeing her completely, but like Anten said, some distance is necessary. 3 days is usually enough to stop the "security dependancy" dynamics.

 

[ily?no...]

You don't have to stop seeing her completely, but like Anten said, some distance is necessary. 3 days is usually enough to stop the "security dependancy" dynamics.

So for three days... No contact, that is going to be tough, I think I can do it though. What should i do after?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Shes not sexually attracted to you.
Thats about as nice and adult i can put it.....

You can try turning her into a crack whore?

Even if you did manage
To give her finacail securities. Its a high
Risk that shell cheat on you.
And shell feel cheap when itjshe have sex
With you.

Life sucks like that....
Some women arnt sexually attracted to me.
i try not to take it personal.
There plenty of women thats sexually attracted to me.

 

[KG3]

Ive had a very similar experience. I was great friends with a girl for about 5 years, then we started hanging out with eachother on a daily basis while at college. I ended up really falling for her, and even thought that I loved her. I tried to tell her, but my feelings were so intense that i just scared her. Things havent been the same between us since. I dont regret telling her, but i definitely regret how i did it. If you do get the chance to talk to her again, just make sure that you are able to communicate how you feel in a healthy way. If you come off as obsessed or desperate, Im willing to bet that she will not respond positively to that. I also agree that you should give her some space first. Good luck to you


The Easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly

 

[BlueArtist]

Don't worry, happened to me recently too, lost a good friend just because I was truly concerned for her. Asked her what was wrong and I got a letter where she craped on my head, telling me that her life is private and she doesn't share with anybody. That I was only caring about her because I have alterior motives, and she went on about her husband that passed away 2 years ago, and he is still her husband and her whole heart and soul. I told her that just because I'm attracted (which she already know) to her doesn't mean that my caring is fake and that I didn't plan to push something on her or that I want to replace him in any sense. So now she broke all contact since last week even removed me as a friend from facebook. So yeah honeysuckle happens and it isn't always your fault for feeling something for somebody.

 

[Lonely in BC]

Don't worry, happened to me recently too, lost a good friend just because I was truly concerned for her. Asked her what was wrong and I got a letter where she craped on my head, telling me that her life is private and she doesn't share with anybody. That I was only caring about her because I have alterior motives, and she went on about her husband that passed away 2 years ago, and he is still her husband and her whole heart and soul. I told her that just because I'm attracted (which she already know) to her doesn't mean that my caring is fake and that I didn't plan to push something on her or that I want to replace him in any sense. So now she broke all contact since last week even removed me as a friend from facebook. So yeah honeysuckle happens and it isn't always your fault for feeling something for somebody.

Sounds like she's still grieving BlueArtist. It affects people at different times and in different ways. Hoping she comes around for you.

 

[BlueArtist]

Sounds like she's still grieving BlueArtist. It affects people at different times and in different ways. Hoping she comes around for you.

I think it is over between us, maybe I was naive to think that I can give this person anything in life. All I have to give is myself, I'm not financially well-off, she is used to the finer thing in life, and job security due to politics here are very unstable, so I may even be out of a job once my contract expires next year.

For now I have to concentrate on my life and focus of increasing my income to a sustainable level for myself. Even if it means I have to make a complete career change, a 180 degree turnand start all over. But enough of me. this wasn't my thread.

 

[vansxious]

That happened to me, a few years ago, now. We used to talk every single day, and spend quite good times togheter. The moment i told her i like her more than just a friend, she dissapears and i never heard from her again. It's been, now... i don't know... ten or twelve years. I still remember her. Wonder if she still remember me?

 

[Anten]

So for three days... No contact, that is going to be tough, I think I can do it though. What should i do after?

The longer you are away from her the easier it will get. You just turn it into a game. See if you can go 5 days.

 

[Pierce57]

Something like this happened to me. My friend didn't abandon me though. But she became a little more distant after I told her about my feelings. People tell me I should "forget her" and move on, but she's all I got. The only person truly friendly to me.

Lately she is interested in some guy. This makes me feel a lot of anger and jealousy. I try to avoid showing it to her, but it's not funny.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

You will need to make more friends. One person is not enough. Especially if you have no future with her.

 

[ily?no...]

The longer you are away from her the easier it will get. You just turn it into a game. See if you can go 5 days.


[/quote]

I dont want her to leave my life though. I want her to still be there... I dont know if I am being delusional but that is something i want... Even if she is not attracted to me sexually I still want her to be there as my friend.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

The longer you are away from her the easier it will get. You just turn it into a game. See if you can go 5 days.

I dont want her to leave my life though. I want her to still be there... I dont know if I am being delusional but that is something i want... Even if she is not attracted to me sexually I still want her to be there as my friend.

You are not really a plain friend to her if you're in love. This friendship will be loaded with an awkward energy as long as the unilateral love is there.

 

[jim108]

ily?no..., i very much feel with you. im in love with a girl, we are very good friends and we are living together, and a few days ago i talked to her about it and she doesnt love me back. it's weird and i dont know how our friendship will evolve. i hope that we can stay friends, maybe even get a bit closer since we can talk about our feelings now. im affraid this is a dream and what we need is distance. however, since we are living together distance is something we cannot have.

my advice, even tho maybe ill-advised, is to try and fall out of love with her without losing contact. if this is possible for you. you shouldnt keep your feelings for her tho if they are not returned, it will always be awkward and youll just torture yourself.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

To fall ou tof love is easy.
After the honey moon stage
It like a challenge to fall in love again.lol

Which is a catch 22.

Friendzone
Emotional tampons......Arrhgggh
Good enough to absorb but not
Good enough to dance with.

Making an investment without
Any returns or payoffs.

The you wonder why some
Guys ate cold or distance.
**** this human emotions stuff.
Of course when the pains get great
enough..you gatta go look for someone
That looks and acts like her to trigger
That intence feeling of love.
Its somple economics and investments.
The less time i spend with a deadend
And the more time i invest on someone
New...it might somewhere.

But if course i have to hit the mother
fucken brick wall from all amgles.
.Cause i dont give up so essoly.lol
The ***** is gonna break i just know it.
Or ill break.lol

---

No......im hard headed.lol
Willpower...willpower.

 

[ily?no...]

You are not really a plain friend to her if you're in love. This friendship will be loaded with an awkward energy as long as the unilateral love is there.

So the best thing to do would be to get over her. huh? I really dont want to do that, if i tried to change do you think there would be a chance she might change how she feels? I know i am being a bit stubborn, but i just dont want her to not be there, you know?

---

To fall ou tof love is easy.
After the honey moon stage
It like a challenge to fall in love again.lol

Which is a catch 22.

Friendzone
Emotional tampons......Arrhgggh
Good enough to absorb but not
Good enough to dance with.

Making an investment without
Any returns or payoffs.

The you wonder why some
Guys ate cold or distance.
**** this human emotions stuff.
Of course when the pains get great
enough..you gatta go look for someone
That looks and acts like her to trigger
That intence feeling of love.
Its somple economics and investments.
The less time i spend with a deadend
And the more time i invest on someone
New...it might somewhere.

But if course i have to hit the mother
fucken brick wall from all amgles.
.Cause i dont give up so essoly.lol
The ***** is gonna break i just know it.
Or ill break.lol

---

No......im hard headed.lol
Willpower...willpower.

---

I should either get completely over her, or find another girl who is exactly like her... This may sound very hopeless but i dont think there is another like her... even though there probably is, i feel like she is the one i have to get... You get me?

 

[VanillaCreme]

ily, I did that maybe 10 or so years ago, to a guy that was my best friend, and I unfortunately lost the closeness between us. But that's the sacrifice made in order to let him know how I felt. And I'd do it again just so he knew, even if it meant having the same results. However, it's still possible to remain friends, distance friends in the least. The reality of you telling her may brush over her over time and she'll just see that you were being honest with her.

 

[ily?no...]

Ok so 4 days went by and i she called me twice.
the first time was because she informed me of a contest for a pair of concert tickets.
The second was to tell me about her day. Now, i sent her a video of my puppy, she loves it when i send her those videos, and then after one or two texts she replied "why do you always end honeysuckle with..." I have ALWAYS ended almost all of my casual conversations like that, in my journal i was end stuff like that and even when i write my first draft on reports i end stuff like that. It came as a bit of a shock to me when she said that i replied I dont know, does it bother you? I have been doing it for a while..." What i noticed that she doesnt like to answer the phone when i call. but she calls me back. She has always had the tendency to leave me hanging when i text her. What is this? It has bothered me for a while...