tortured artist

[robinstoke]

My theory on the relationship between creative people and self destructive behaviors is this. As a creative person I put a lot of heart into things I create. I paint dabble a little with writing. And the fact is in real life I have a job that in no way allows me to express my thoughts.

My two primary concerns are make money and pay my debt off so that I can go gather more debt. Its like groundhog day meets lost in translation just no Scarlett Johansson which is a really a shame

In a way I fell like im a sell out to my real self though I know its not true. And in turn I find relief in my vices. Smoking, drinking, to much drugs in the past. Every sober day I have through the week irritates me so I try working out to sleep. Usually that dosent work. More than this Ive grown thicker skin since my environment has a more jock gear head mentality. Being called arrogant or a pretentious ******* whatever.

Anybody else feel like this. Experience a lot of heartbreak. I 'm a guy who gets sad when he should be angry, im also the guy who cracks jokes at a funeral

 

[painter's radio]

Yeah I laugh to survive also. If you can't laugh at the honeysuckle things in life then I find that saddest of all. Not that I brush everything off and don't feel sad, but when you're at your worst and everything is shitty, you've got to laugh. Probably because it's so unfunny that it is actually funny.

For such a negative person I do try and find the positives in things. One positive thing about being unhappy is that forms of entertainment can be much more satisfying than if you're perfectly content with everything. Sadness creates a lot of good things... paintings, films, music about addiction and helplessness... and these productions are greatly valued by other sad people. Well, happy people too. I just feel sad for people that have no way to express themselves. I wish I could express myself a lot more through music, like my favourite bands have done.