Trapped behind my own walls

[Guest]

A long time ago I started building walls around me to prevent getting hurt.  When I was younger I was teased and picked on a lot.  I figured that I deserved it and no matter where I went people would just pick on me.  As I got older people pretty much stopped picking on me but I still have the mindset of being on guard.  I finished building those walls when people who should have been closest to me hurt me the most.  If you can't trust your own family, how can you expect to trust strangers?  I couldn't let people get close to me.

Now as an adult I lack the social skills to find and maintain healthy relationships.  I've had unhealthy relationships in the past, but those were hardly even real.  I have a few superficial friends who I see every so often but no close friendships or relationships.  As much as I fear them I desperately desire them.  Kind of ironic, huh?  If people get close to me I push them away or just run away and hide.  It's almost an automatic repsonse.  I don't want to be this way.  Yet this is all I know how to do.  I want someone to be close to me.  I want to be able to open up and let someone know the real me.  I know I'm the only one who prevents this but I don't know how to stop.  I need and pray for someone to come along and help me and save me, but I do everything I can to avoid it.  I'm tapped behind my own walls and I'm suffocating.  

 

[Guest]

[None of us deserve to be picked on or teased, but it happens. When we get hurt I think we all tend to put those walls up to protect ourselves. Being hurt is very hard to get over, and I am very sorry that we have to build walls for protection. I too have been hurt from the person I loved the most. The one person that I had put all my faith, hope, and love with. It is a feeling that no words can decribe, which becomes hard to trust people. I do not know your story, but it is safe to say that I think I understand how you feel.

The only thing that I do know is that sometimes we make wrong decisions in life that lead us to a dead end street. When we get to that dead end street there is no one to turn to, but God. I know he loves me, and he loves you. So if you feel you need to pray to him, then you should. I made a mistake by putting my faith, hope and love on someone when I should have been doing that with God. This not to say that my life has completely been healed, because it is not. If it was I would probably not be on this website. What I can say, is that I think I am heading in the right direction by letting God lead my way.

I wish the best for you and may God Bless You with all that you want. =Guest]
A long time ago I started building walls around me to prevent getting hurt.  When I was younger I was teased and picked on a lot.  I figured that I deserved it and no matter where I went people would just pick on me.  As I got older people pretty much stopped picking on me but I still have the mindset of being on guard.  I finished building those walls when people who should have been closest to me hurt me the most.  If you can't trust your own family, how can you expect to trust strangers?  I couldn't let people get close to me.

Now as an adult I lack the social skills to find and maintain healthy relationships.  I've had unhealthy relationships in the past, but those were hardly even real.  I have a few superficial friends who I see every so often but no close friendships or relationships.  As much as I fear them I desperately desire them.  Kind of ironic, huh?  If people get close to me I push them away or just run away and hide.  It's almost an automatic repsonse.  I don't want to be this way.  Yet this is all I know how to do.  I want someone to be close to me.  I want to be able to open up and let someone know the real me.  I know I'm the only one who prevents this but I don't know how to stop.  I need and pray for someone to come along and help me and save me, but I do everything I can to avoid it.  I'm tapped behind my own walls and I'm suffocating.  
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[sweetpatience]

dear guest i like what you said....in life we learn at an early age how cruel people can be in school we get picked on and some of us are ruiined for life.....it really sucks to findout how mean people really are ....but if it brings us to God then we see there is hope.....and it is only God that we truely can depend on he will be there when we need him........

 

[aninnocentbystander]

I hate school.. I hope it gets better when I'm older..I think this could be a slight bit off topic but I just want to talk..I don't get picked on much at school, a little bit I guess, I am a little short for my class (5'5", sophomore in high school). I think that is the main cause..ever since my parents got divorced I just don't feel like talking to people that much anymore so.. I dunno thought talking here is a good start eh?