G
Guest
Guest
A long time ago I started building walls around me to prevent getting hurt. When I was younger I was teased and picked on a lot. I figured that I deserved it and no matter where I went people would just pick on me. As I got older people pretty much stopped picking on me but I still have the mindset of being on guard. I finished building those walls when people who should have been closest to me hurt me the most. If you can't trust your own family, how can you expect to trust strangers? I couldn't let people get close to me.
Now as an adult I lack the social skills to find and maintain healthy relationships. I've had unhealthy relationships in the past, but those were hardly even real. I have a few superficial friends who I see every so often but no close friendships or relationships. As much as I fear them I desperately desire them. Kind of ironic, huh? If people get close to me I push them away or just run away and hide. It's almost an automatic repsonse. I don't want to be this way. Yet this is all I know how to do. I want someone to be close to me. I want to be able to open up and let someone know the real me. I know I'm the only one who prevents this but I don't know how to stop. I need and pray for someone to come along and help me and save me, but I do everything I can to avoid it. I'm tapped behind my own walls and I'm suffocating.
Now as an adult I lack the social skills to find and maintain healthy relationships. I've had unhealthy relationships in the past, but those were hardly even real. I have a few superficial friends who I see every so often but no close friendships or relationships. As much as I fear them I desperately desire them. Kind of ironic, huh? If people get close to me I push them away or just run away and hide. It's almost an automatic repsonse. I don't want to be this way. Yet this is all I know how to do. I want someone to be close to me. I want to be able to open up and let someone know the real me. I know I'm the only one who prevents this but I don't know how to stop. I need and pray for someone to come along and help me and save me, but I do everything I can to avoid it. I'm tapped behind my own walls and I'm suffocating.