Triggered by FB...How do some people create such a huge social life?

[HappyYogi]

Hi. Embarrassed to admit this but yesterday FB triggered some sad/upsetting emotions in me.

I had an OK weekend, not great but decent. I go onto FB and read two people's posts. One, from a single middle aged guy, gushing about his great family, great friends and listed all the fun he has had in the last two weeks (trips, Disneyland, dinners, fun fun fun).

Another is just an acquaintance but this woman has an extremely busy social life. Constantly posting pics of herself drinking with others, partying, etc and then telling us all the fun friends who will be visiting in the summer and her Oscar party! I don't drink so I don't have an interest in that kind of socializing but I would really love to have more opportunities to have fun.

I have a social life but it is weak and I work hard to keep myself involved and somewhat involved and social but for the life of me, I cannot understand how some people can create such huge social lives!

I just don't have that gene, that capability. Heck, I don't have the energy! Also it being winter, I don't like to go out that much during the winter...I prefer to be at home at night.

I hate to say this...it made me feel sad for myself. I know that is not healthy and I prefer to be in gratitude but for a while, I couldn't help it. It made me feel lonely.

I guess I am envious of the love, companionship and easy fun these people have. The family get togethers of the one man especially hurt as I am on the outside of my family. I would love to be part of something larger, to MATTER, to be VALUED, to share, give, have fun with, etc.

I can't help but feel bad when I see others have what I so deeply crave so easily. What is wrong with me that I don't have it? No matter how hard I tried, I could not be valued. I could not be included. I could not be loved after so much effort.

Makes my heart sink.

And this man on FB, he is one of the few FB people I really enjoy and would really like to know better. But I can see he has such a busy social life, I doubt he has time, or the need for me, even though he likes my posts and we've had discussions.Well, I've asked him if we could meet (as friends of course) he said "ok" but I've been busy...but now I am too ashamed to meet him as my life is not even close to his.

I don't know how they do it. While I am friendly to most I meet, and love to converse and share...I can't seem to create that loving, fun, social life like they do.

Sigh.

 

[Hoffy]

Don't feel bad. Most people on FB are miserable and lieing about themselves.

 

[Spoon]

think of FB as one long, continual high school reunion. Most people put only their best foot forward, and more than half of it is played-up beyond belief. As was said above, a lot of people lie about themselves. But i hear you, facebook depresses me sometimes because it feels like a giant "look at me, i'm so great!" competition.

I've tried to just leave facebook altogether, but i found that many people are now using it as their primary means of communication and social-planning. When i had my account deactivated i was actually getting left out on a lot of plans and such. I would hear "oh... sorry... i thought you knew, i posted it on facebook" and when i would say "yeah i dont' have FB anymore" they would just say "oh..."

I don't really have any answers to your questions. I guess i just wanted to say that i totally understand what you mean. It sucks.

 

[Minus]

It reminds me of going back to work after a holiday, with people asking where i went and what i did over the holiday. I figured that an exciting tale of how i cleaned out my sock drawer just wouldn't compare to their activities.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It reminds me of going back to work after a holiday, with people asking where i went and what i did over the holiday. I figured that an exciting tale of how i cleaned out my sock drawer just wouldn't compare to their activities.

Minus you could've put it like this "I cleaned my sock drawer, don't you just hate it when things are a mess? You can't find anything."

Then the person might stare at you a bit but they would admire you for being organized. They might even ask you jokingly to come over to their house and help clean out theirs!

 

[Frito Bandito]

Facebook is ridiculous.

If used properly, it can be a great "tool" to enrich your life with those that you already have established relationships with - close friends, family members, neighbors, etc.

If can also be great for networking and trying to make contacts to break into a chosen field of expertise.

Beyond that, the whole "friend count" and "holy fresia, look at ME!" posting is completely unacceptable and juvenile to the core.

I refuse to stoop to that level (or regress to that level) and behave like a school chilld.

Facebook, for some, is actually a clinical diagnosis. For instance "I have a raging case of Facebook".

Symptoms:

- Feeling that you are entitled to your opinion, and your opinion being heard, on every thought or comment that another person has.

- Feeling that it is necessary to tell the entire world things that you wouldn't call your own mother, siblings, or best friends to say. "Omigod! That cashier was so rude!" (Really? Does the entire planet need - or want - to know that? Really???)

- Feeling that it is useful to escalate one's political beliefs to a level of hysteria rarely observed in normal every day life and to drop all intelligent thought and discussion and replace it with vitriol and sickening personal insults.

- Feeling that it is somehow acceptable to give the title of "Friend" to every person you know, have ever known, may ever know, and every person they know.
I could go on and on...

Seriously, what IN THE fresia compels a person to do this?

 

[HappyYogi]

You guys are so funny..."one long high school reunion" "clinical case of FB" Hahaha Very funny. And you are right, many people just sort of bragg and it's a "look at me" type of vibe, which is weird. I am so not like that. My avatar is not even a pic of me. I am more private...while I like to share sometimes, it's usually not about my personal life because why would would "friends" all want to hear about that? I doubt all of them would...not even close.

Still, it's amazing how active some people's social lives are. The woman with the wine...she is young...in her 30
s very attractive, RICH (well her husband is), and her pictures are always, always with drinks in everyone's hands. She's a big drinker! I honestly don't know how she stays so attractive drinking so much! I wouldn't want that life but I do want more real friendship, sharing, caring, support, etc.

Well, thanks all, you understand.

 

[Lost Drifter]

HappyYogi you’ve always been so understanding and supportive of my posts and that alone makes you an amazing person in my book but I must reiterate what others have said about Facebook being one big pissing competition if you pardon my language. Its no wonder people use it to contact old school friends because most people still use it to compete with them, more friends, more pictures, more relatives, you name it and people are using it to score points over their so-called friends. It’s pathetic. Facebook is the digital equivalent of teenage boys flashing their penises to each other in the changing rooms. It really is high school all over again!

I understand your frustration though, it seems that no matter how much people like us try, no matter how many self-help books we read or criticisms we swallow in a bid to improve ourselves, no matter how many hard knocks and broken hearts we rebuilt we seem to be forever left out and left in second place. Worse still are the people who seem to achieve what we want with so little effort. I know a particularly nasty chauvinistic man in my office, the sort who causes trouble for kicks and always has an air of ill intention about him yet I see him surrounded by friends, constantly going on dates and generally getting the good life handed to him on a plate. Sure I can try to convince myself that people surround him out of fear and I feel such a jerk for being jealous but for all the effort I put into making friends all he has to do is make a vicious remark and people are flocking to his side. I just don’t get it.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

You guys are so funny..."one long high school reunion" "clinical case of FB" Hahaha Very funny. And you are right, many people just sort of bragg and it's a "look at me" type of vibe, which is weird. I am so not like that. My avatar is not even a pic of me. I am more private...while I like to share sometimes, it's usually not about my personal life because why would would "friends" all want to hear about that? I doubt all of them would...not even close.

Still, it's amazing how active some people's social lives are. The woman with the wine...she is young...in her 30
s very attractive, RICH (well her husband is), and her pictures are always, always with drinks in everyone's hands. She's a big drinker! I honestly don't know how she stays so attractive drinking so much! I wouldn't want that life but I do want more real friendship, sharing, caring, support, etc.

Well, thanks all, you understand.

I doubt this woman has many real friends. If they are all just "drinking" buddies, then it doesn't really count. And it's easier to have a more active social life when you have the money to spend on one.

I hate FB and MySpace, etc.... the mere act of logging in has put me into a state of panic more than once....

 

[HappyYogi]

I know, I don't understand why some people are popular, either.

I know of two women who have lots of friends (not sure how many are real or "friends" but they have them). But their personalities are kind of flat. From what I can tell, not much warmth, not much humor, not much interest in the other.

I saw one last weekend with her bf. They approach, I am "Hi! How are you? Did you come on your bikes? Oh, wow, that's cool...etc etc" I was very warm, friendly, was truly interested in their day and they could only give short boring answers.

Another gf is just not that warm at all. Nor does she have a sense of humor but she has lots of friends. In fact she has an inflated sense of entitlement when it comes to men and is picky! Not that funny, charming or warm but still, has friends!

Of course, another I see why she is popular. She is very funny, theatrical and others feel comfortable around her. She attracts friends easily but I get why.

I don't run a mental list of others defects...I just cannot help noticing, especially this weekend, how this one woman and her bf were so cold or what is the word...just not forthcoming. No give and take...just boring and flat!

HappyYogi you’ve always been so understanding and supportive of my posts and that alone makes you an amazing person in my book but I must reiterate what others have said about Facebook being one big pissing competition if you pardon my language. Its no wonder people use it to contact old school friends because most people still use it to compete with them, more friends, more pictures, more relatives, you name it and people are using it to score points over their so-called friends. It’s pathetic. Facebook is the digital equivalent of teenage boys flashing their penises to each other in the changing rooms. It really is high school all over again!

I understand your frustration though, it seems that no matter how much people like us try, no matter how many self-help books we read or criticisms we swallow in a bid to improve ourselves, no matter how many hard knocks and broken hearts we rebuilt we seem to be forever left out and left in second place. Worse still are the people who seem to achieve what we want with so little effort. I know a particularly nasty chauvinistic man in my office, the sort who causes trouble for kicks and always has an air of ill intention about him yet I see him surrounded by friends, constantly going on dates and generally getting the good life handed to him on a plate. Sure I can try to convince myself that people surround him out of fear and I feel such a jerk for being jealous but for all the effort I put into making friends all he has to do is make a vicious remark and people are flocking to his side. I just don’t get it.

 

[Frito Bandito]

If you can't beat 'em, screw 'em.

Instead of worrying how popular you can be on a website, get out of your house.

Go to the local Big Brother / Big Sisters and adopt a little friend that needs a mentor.

Join a charity, volunteer, in person, like REAL people.

Real life actually happens OUTSIDE of the internet.

 

[HappyYogi]

Just to let you know I do get out of the house and I AM volunteering. I am volunteering for two causes...I don't want to reveal all to keep my identity private but one has to do with an initiative (gathering signatures which is HARD word!) and the other is walking homeless dogs.

I am also going out today to a group I go to, that I love and interact with real people.

I also go to various meetups, one sport oriented.

I am doing as much as a I can with the time and energy I have.

So please don't assume! I think even those of us with lives are effected by FB. I am making a real effort at expanding my life.

If you can't beat 'em, screw 'em.

Instead of worrying how popular you can be on a website, get out of your house.

Go to the local Big Brother / Big Sisters and adopt a little friend that needs a mentor.

Join a charity, volunteer, in person, like REAL people.

Real life actually happens OUTSIDE of the internet.

 

[Okiedokes]

You shouldn't feel bad about that and really it doesn't seem like you do because you said it yourself, that kind of busy lifestyle would be well..too busy right? And as others have said, people can make it seem like it was the greatest time ever and they are the happiest person, but really did not have that great of a time. Bragging seems like a sign that they have to feel important taking all these pictures and whatnot.

I use facebook mainly to have that connection to family members who I haven't seen or heard from in years as well as friends. And wow... you can really see into peoples' lives so easily on there! So much that I rarely post anything about me anymore or I'll filter it so only select people can view posts. I mean, in a way its great but it depends on who is seeing everything.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Some people, such as myself, didn't create anything social. I just happen to have it, and it's steadily growing. Don't know what I did because I never tried or pretended to be anyone's best friend.

 

[Frito Bandito]

Just to let you know I do get out of the house and I AM volunteering. I am volunteering for two causes...I don't want to reveal all to keep my identity private but one has to do with an initiative (gathering signatures which is HARD word!) and the other is walking homeless dogs.

I am also going out today to a group I go to, that I love and interact with real people.

I also go to various meetups, one sport oriented.

I am doing as much as a I can with the time and energy I have.

So please don't assume! I think even those of us with lives are effected by FB. I am making a real effort at expanding my life.

You took me wrong. I wasn't implying you were a loser or lame. I honestly wasn't even speaking directly to you, hence, no quote. What I was intending to convey was to "focus" on other things more and Facebook (cyberspace) less. I certainly wasn't implying a need to "get a life". The only assumption was yours.

 

[HappyYogi]

Oh, I didn't think you were calling me a loser. It did suggest all I do is FB, which is not the case. Just wanted to point out, that I do get out in the world and FB is not my connection to everything.

It felt like you were making assumptions.

Just to let you know I do get out of the house and I AM volunteering. I am volunteering for two causes...I don't want to reveal all to keep my identity private but one has to do with an initiative (gathering signatures which is HARD word!) and the other is walking homeless dogs.

I am also going out today to a group I go to, that I love and interact with real people.

I also go to various meetups, one sport oriented.

I am doing as much as a I can with the time and energy I have.

So please don't assume! I think even those of us with lives are effected by FB. I am making a real effort at expanding my life.

You took me wrong. I wasn't implying you were a loser or lame. I honestly wasn't even speaking directly to you, hence, no quote. What I was intending to convey was to "focus" on other things more and Facebook (cyberspace) less. I certainly wasn't implying a need to "get a life". The only assumption was yours.

 

[Mikey193]

I never did like Facebook or MySpace. There's to much personal stuff on there you could really creep on people and it's strange. And yeah people do post stuff on there to show off. To make there lives seem better then everyone else. And everyone posting a statuses about everything. It's kinda annoying

 

[Frito Bandito]

Oh, I didn't think you were calling me a loser. It did suggest all I do is FB, which is not the case. Just wanted to point out, that I do get out in the world and FB is not my connection to everything.

It felt like you were making assumptions.

No, it did 'not' suggest that all you do is Facebook. I didn't quote you. I wasn't even responding to you. You aught to choose your words more carefully. I was giving my opinion on FACEBOOK, not on YOU.

Did I mention your name or quote your text?

If not, you need to stop making assumptions.

How you could read my last post and then repeat "it did suggest..." is beyond me.

Maybe your lack of social success has to do with your defensiveness and inability to understand what you've read.

 

[HappyYogi]

I am the one getting defensive? Please read your last post. And please read your original response to me. There was no way for me to know it wasn't directed to me, especially since I was the original poster.

My responding that I do get out was a pretty natural response. Just clarifying what you suggested/assumed about me.

I am not upset...I was just clarifying that I DO get out and FB isn't everything to me. That is all.

Oh, I didn't think you were calling me a loser. It did suggest all I do is FB, which is not the case. Just wanted to point out, that I do get out in the world and FB is not my connection to everything.

It felt like you were making assumptions.

No, it did 'not' suggest that all you do is Facebook. I didn't quote you. I wasn't even responding to you. You aught to choose your words more carefully. I was giving my opinion on FACEBOOK, not on YOU.

Did I mention your name or quote your text?

If not, you need to stop making assumptions.

How you could read my last post and then repeat "it did suggest..." is beyond me.

Maybe your lack of social success has to do with your defensiveness and inability to understand what you've read.

 

[Frito Bandito]

You mad, Bro?