True Loneliness

[Fustar]

Everyone here, is here for one reason. We feel alone in our lives. Whether it be because of a bad breakup, or because we don't have anyone special in our life to begin with. However I have question. Are we lonely because we choose to be? If you never venture outside your home, and don't have a family or friends, i can see why that type of person feels alone. But most of us go outside, go to school, or a work place. There are many opportunities to talk to people, and interact. Is it because we choose not to, is that why we are alone? What really is the cause? How can someone be around lots of other like minded and good people, and still come home and feel alone? Is it because there is no special person to share your life with, or is it something else? I would love to here everyone's opinion!

 

[HumanZ]

I think I'm alone just because I'ved got used to it. I think I'm not antisocial at all. I've no problems to talk to strangers or get friends in school/work. I just don't like to spend my freetime with others. I don't know why, because I could if I wanted to.

Many people have said I'm verbally talented and friendly with others but I just enjoy being alone. Am I a hermit. Perhaps.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

I personally think I feel lonely due to a perceived lack of like-minded individuals. For all I know, I could very well be surrounded by people that are like-minded, but it seems very, very unlikely. I could talk and interact with everyone I see, but if I don't feel a connection with them I won't feel any less lonely. I can't choose whether or not I feel a connection with people, so I don't think I'm choosing to be lonely; it just sort of happens.

 

[pumpkin-soup]

I could talk and interact with everyone I see, but if I don't feel a connection with them I won't feel any less lonely. I can't choose whether or not I feel a connection with people, so I don't think I'm choosing to be lonely; it just sort of happens.

Same here.
I don't think being lonely is a choice, although being a loner or alone may be.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I like being alone actually. I'm here for other reasons. Hurt, I guess. Reaching out to people whom I can relate. Or mainly wanting to be there for anyone who needs it here. Doing something good makes me feel good and that's mainly the reason I'm here.

 

[Fustar]

Thinking about it a little further, I now believe people are lonely do to lack of connection. although you might be lonely and have great social skills, it does not mean you will find someone to connect with. If connections are not able to be established, why would you want interaction with people? The better question is not why someone is lonely, but how do we find a person to connect with so we can end the loneliness?

 

[Tiina63]

I am lonely for three reasons.
1. Because I have no family at all, other than a couple of very distant cousins.
2. Because I would like to marry and settle down, but up to now this hasn't happened.
3. Because although I go out and mix with people, I find it hard to feel a connection with most of the people I meet, as we are on different wavelengths.

 

[perfanoff]

I am lonely for three reasons.
1. Because I have no family at all, other than a couple of very distant cousins.
2. Because I would like to marry and settle down, but up to now this hasn't happened.
3. Because although I go out and mix with people, I find it hard to feel a connection with most of the people I meet, as we are on different wavelengths.

This except #1 is a bit different for me. Also, welcome back Tina.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I am lonely for three reasons.
1. Because I have no family at all, other than a couple of very distant cousins.
2. Because I would like to marry and settle down, but up to now this hasn't happened.
3. Because although I go out and mix with people, I find it hard to feel a connection with most of the people I meet, as we are on different wavelengths.

At least you don't seem to have social anxiety in situations.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello sophiagrace, I do have social anxiety and generally come home worrying about what I have said or not said, or if I blushed a lot, or if I knocked something over etc.
Thank you perfanoff for your welcome.

 

[isthatso]

A question for all you lonely people.

How hard do you try to listen to people?
really try and get into their shoes/their skin.

Because I'm guessing that your expectation to be loved is higher than your ability to love others.
Loving others means accepting them warts and all.
If you can do that, then surely there is someone out there who can do the same for you.

Also think about vibrations.
What kind of vibe do you like from other people?
And what vibe do you think you give off to others?

I think it's a matter of being realistic and not expecting too much from others.

 

[fuzzybutt]

I feel alone because of several things. As being someone who chooses not believe in a higher power/religion/etc you take a look and realize that we are small things on a small rock floating in space. I can choose to accept that and still continue enjoy and live life but really I feel it won't make a difference, only to me.

And the people who really take note of this viewpoint are those like us. I haven't fully changed these few years and it my future looks so bleak right now I really think I should just stop here. I'm more overwhelmed by loneliness than the short moments of success where people comment and look at my work. And I don't know 99% of the people who favorite my art work.

 

[Lost Drifter]

I am lonely for three reasons.
1. Because I have no family at all, other than a couple of very distant cousins.
2. Because I would like to marry and settle down, but up to now this hasn't happened.
3. Because although I go out and mix with people, I find it hard to feel a connection with most of the people I meet, as we are on different wavelengths.

I'm with Tiina63 on all three of these. My family are around but I was written out of their lives a long time ago and as much as I’m ok with meeting people and striking up conversations with strangers I’ve never met anyone who is coming from the same perspective as myself. I think my biggest problem is that I’ve been a drifter for so long that I’ve become used to not having any roots and living alone. It’s weird how that happens but there is almost a comfort in familiarity even though its not something we want in life.

 

[monkeysocks]

I sometimes question if the net has made the situation better or worse.

When I was younger everyone was out at weekends of all ages, all mixing together. I had friends of my age and some old enough to be grandparents, so being confined socially was never a problem.

But these days people would rather sit in and talk to strangers on the net than their own neighbours. The good thing is this leads to finding people who we are more connected to, opposed to those who are just there.

 

[aribeth]

I have my son but he so very far away. I look forward to his email always. If he doesnt write I get very lonely. My days are lonely on end. Just the computer and 4 walls and the computer I bore with quickly. Everyday is a struggle too. Depression and lonelinessare always present. Some days I wish I was dead.

 

[Gurp]

I am lonely cuz i get too less people which are having same like mindedness.When i get too bored due to loneliness then sometimes i modify my personality to be with them, which kind of makes me scold myself a bit later on at the end of the day.
This means , i modified myself sometimes due to over saturated loneliness.

 

[JasonM]

I now believe people are lonely do to lack of connection. although you might be lonely and have great social skills, it does not mean you will find someone to connect with. If connections are not able to be established, why would you want interaction with people? The better question is not why someone is lonely, but how do we find a person to connect with so we can end the loneliness?

Perfect. I could not agree with you more. Without some sort of connection to another what sort of benefit could you possibly derive from interacting with them at all.

 

[Tiina63]

I have often found online dating very hard because of this frequent lack of a proper connection when you finally meet up, despite the fact that emails and phone calls between you might have gone really well.

 

[MsMac]

I think that being alone and being lonely are two different things.

You can be in a crowd of people and not be alone, yet can be very lonely indeed.


My problem is not being alone, but I am dreadfully lonely, all the time.
The more I try the lonelier I get, so sometimes I just give up trying