trying soo hard

[hitch1983]

Ive been living a lonely life for years now and its really driving me down. However, i decided to try take action since just before christmas.

Ive been attending church, instead of working out alone, going to fitness classes. Talking to random people in situations that seem appropriate. Etc.

Ive been doing this now for a month and a bit now and ive yet to make any real connections yet. Really starting to get me down.
Starting to feel more trapped than before.

Tonight was a real low point. Attended a fitness class. A spin one.
Got there early. Picked a bike set it up. Not many others in. But made my prescence sorta known by saying hi if they entered the room. But ended up training alone more or less.

Every person who attended the class picked a bike no where near me. And as the numbers increased and bikes decreased. Ya would think surely ill have someone next to me to talk to casually.....

No....not at all. There ended up being 2 bikes spare and guess which one they were.....thats right. The ones either side of me...

Really hurt. I mean do i give off such a bad vibe. Am i soo ugly or what.

Also another situation hit my bones hard.
tried to message a girl on a dating website. Tried to personalise the message to something about her on her profile.

Blocked....wasnt rude...wasnt nasty...wasnt even pushy.

Blocked....soo really down just now...starting to feel i should go back to my prison that is my house and rot...



Dunno what i expect by posting this. If anything its giving me a outlet for my pain. But if you have any messages of hope. Please share.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Hitch-generally it takes much, much longer than a month to develop any real connections in social groups. So don't beat yourself up about it and don't give up either. See it as a long term project.
And don't let one unknown girl on a dating site put you off from putting yourself out there either-maybe she had so many replies that she had decided to block any new mailers.
It is hard when you feel rejected and to feel that all of your efforts are going unrewarded. All I can say is that it is often very difficult, but that imprisoning yourself at home would ultimately be far more painful.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Ive been living a lonely life for years now and its really driving me down. However, i decided to try take action since just before christmas.

Ive been attending church, instead of working out alone, going to fitness classes. Talking to random people in situations that seem appropriate. Etc.

Ive been doing this now for a month and a bit now and ive yet to make any real connections yet. Really starting to get me down.
Starting to feel more trapped than before.

Tonight was a real low point. Attended a fitness class. A spin one.
Got there early. Picked a bike set it up. Not many others in. But made my prescence sorta known by saying hi if they entered the room. But ended up training alone more or less.

Every person who attended the class picked a bike no where near me. And as the numbers increased and bikes decreased. Ya would think surely ill have someone next to me to talk to casually.....

No....not at all. There ended up being 2 bikes spare and guess which one they were.....thats right. The ones either side of me...

Really hurt. I mean do i give off such a bad vibe. Am i soo ugly or what.

Also another situation hit my bones hard.
tried to message a girl on a dating website. Tried to personalise the message to something about her on her profile.

Blocked....wasnt rude...wasnt nasty...wasnt even pushy.

Blocked....soo really down just now...starting to feel i should go back to my prison that is my house and rot...



Dunno what i expect by posting this. If anything its giving me a outlet for my pain. But if you have any messages of hope. Please share.

I would say continue with what you are doing, getting out of your house, doing stuff, keeping fit.

Ignore the woman on the dating site, she sounds like a *****. Don't spend one second thinking about a bag like that.

The fitness class thing. I'm not sure if it's any conciliation but that sort of crap happens to me. On trains and buses, people would rather stand than sit next to me. The seat next to me is always the last to be taken. Why ? I must look like a person to avoid. I have had women change seats for no reason. I didn't say anything to this woman and I didn't even look at her. People are queer and some are rude. I don't think that helps you but at least it isn't just you.

Try to keep your spirits up !

 

[nondescript]

yeah I can relate to that kind of social rejection or perhaps a more realistic less extreme way of putting it is to say- being un-popular

my way of dealing with it is to think that there are literally millions of people in the world and if in that particular social setting you didn't click with anyone it doesn't matter because I know I have bonded with people before - even if it was in a superficial way where it only lasted for the particular event/conversation.

It is difficult thinking though , probably more of a question of feeling comfortable with yourself irregardless of having approval from others.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I agree with Tiina and TB.

You need to keep doing what you're doing and eventually it will pay off. Were you maybe the only guy in the spin class? That could be a reason why. Not saying there's anything wrong with a guy in spin class, but sometimes women don't want to be right next to a guy while they are working out.
As for the woman, even with knowing more details about the encounter though, I'm not sure I could tell you why that happened. It could be that she's just shallow or something like that and you didn't meet her high expectations of whatever it is she's looking for. Or maybe you were too personal with your message. It's impossible to know, but don't let that instance get you down. Keep trying.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Really hurt. I mean do i give off such a bad vibe. Am i soo ugly or what.

Also another situation hit my bones hard.
tried to message a girl on a dating website. Tried to personalise the message to something about her on her profile.

Blocked....wasnt rude...wasnt nasty...wasnt even pushy.

Blocked....soo really down just now...starting to feel i should go back to my prison that is my house and rot...

Don't let people get you down. That's what a lot of them want to do - bring everyone else down with them. Don't give anyone the power to do that to you. Keep on keeping on. You'll find that you can enjoy it anyway. Some time taking care of yourself is good.

And it doesn't matter even if you are ugly; Someone's going to like you regardless. So don't mind anyone who doesn't want to mind you. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

 

[dd11]

Are u looking for a girlfriend or new friends or both? Women are not going to take a bike beside a man they dont know. You should not take that personally.

 

[Superfly47]

I've read that women on dating sites get over a dozen messages every single day. She could have not checked for a few days and came back with over 100 messages and just got fed up and blocked you and many others out of frustration.

When people do stuff like this it usually isn't personal. She was probably just venting frustration about online dating, just not venting in constructive ways.