Paraiyar said:
Nero thread revival but that aside, what makes the two of you think you need to accept being alone forever? Have you really exhausted all your possibilities?
I can't speak for the other two, but I think I finally got this acceptance too. Well, not quite. Maybe. It still bugs me and I still yearn for it and maybe sometimes in the dark I'll whisper that maybe it will happen but I know it won't. So if you can have the pain and occassional wish but know better, then I accepted it. If not, then I'm a work in progress but I'm mostly there.
I don't think one can truly exhaust our every possibility because each new person we meet is a new possibility. But it's hard, and it's tiring.
I don't know how to love. I've never been told I love you, nor said it to anyone. There is only one person that I have feelings for and he is the only reason I'm here because I told him I would call if I was going to try again and it's a shitty ******* thing to ask your best friend to accept you dying, so I haven't.
I don't really know how... to be with someone. I'm used to being demeaned and violence. That's what I know. Not saying I like it, but I know it. He was right all along - there isn't anyone who is going to want to put up with the likes of me. I'm am that useless, no good...
Compliments I don't do well with. I get extremely bad anxiety and most often look like a stuck up prick because I leave because if I don't remove myself from it something uncool is bound to happen. I assume that you are either lying to me or there is something you want from me, or both. Hook, line, and sinker, you know? But I know you're up to something because you're nice.
Now try being someone else and dealing with that. I get it. I'm all that messed up, and while maybe not completely irrepairable - I'm a lot of work. A lot.
I don't do things half-heartdly. I'm very much an all-or-nothing person. So when I commit, I commit. But it's hard to open up. I try to keep the hurt and pain locked up so no one see's it, but then what do I have left? That's all I am. So if I find someone who can last more then an hour with my bitter, jaded, distrustful, depressive sad self - I eventually wear on them. I do make progress, but not enough. Or not quick enough. So they move on to someone more happy and "appreciative" and I am back at square one.
And really, it's just too much. I'm too much. I can't expect anyone to deal with me day in, day out when I can't ******* even stand myself. It's not fair. And it's hard.
So it's easier just accepting that fact, then to keep hopelessly running in that same rut again and again.