Trying to feel beautiful with deformed breasts

[loupnoire]

Hi all. I have been reading, and I apologize for not responding recently.

It is just hard for me to find the right words to say, because it is hard for me to read some of these words.

It's hard for me to read about guys squeezing breasts and making sound effects, because I'm pretty sure any guy would rather puke all over himself than touch mine.

It's hard to read about surgery options because I don't want surgery, what I want is to learn how to love myself the way I was made, but that is beginning to feel like a hopeless dream because it seems like even if I could, a man probably couldn't. I actually did try buying lingerie for myself the other day and I just couldn't, it was too ridiculous.

It's hard to read that my breasts would be disconcerting to a man who likes symmetry. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I didn't choose to look this way, believe me I didn't. I just want to be beautiful, be sexy, be desired, be loved, the way I am, but I don't know if it's possible anymore.

If this sounds bitter, I am sorry, I'm not trying to be bitter and I'm not trying to lash out at anyone or anything like that. I am just feeling lower than dirt right now. I can't get my mind focused on anything else, I keep having nightmares when I sleep about men laughing in my face and losing any sexual urge the second I lose my shirt.

I truly do appreciate everyone's words, even the ones that have stung, because at least you cared enough to reply, and that means a lot. To all of the kind words, thank you so much, I pray that someday I can read them and truly believe them. Thank you all.

 

[theraab]

^As one of the jerks who was making sound effects, I am genuinely sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad - I (and I think many of the guys who posted) were trying to make you feel better by pointing out that we aren't that concerned with symmetry or perfection - we like breasts just the way they are.

If I made you feel worse about yourself, I truly am sorry.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Loupnoire, that was a very gracious post given the circumstances. I think in defence of some on here it was just felt that you were no longer around and so the issue had become somewhat redundant, people do understand how you feel.

Can I ask, is surgery really a complete non starter? On a practical level, regards the costs, I don't know where you are based but I know someone who had breast surgery because after breast feeding it left her with no breast tissue and as a result she was able to get a referral to have it free on the NHS because it was having a psychological impact on her well being. So in terms of the cost this may be something you could enquire about.

It may be that you don't want to on a higher moral level, in that you feel you should be able to be loved as you are but the truth is you really could. I know I am not the only guy on here who would say I would not let that stand in the way of a relationship with someone. You get to know someone, you learn to trust them, at some point you bring the topic up at a point where you have that connection. Please don’t underestimate the male race we're not all a bunch of idiots even if it might sometimes seem that way! So you don’t need to have the surgery, of course you don't, but I think its about YOU seeing yourself as being beautiful and if this issue is always going to get in the way of that, well personally I would say, just go along and discuss it with your doctor, look at the options. There will be SO much more to you than the relative size of your breasts but it seems that that is all you can identify yourself by right now. Life is too short for that, one simple operation could help you get passed this and on with your life. It’s not giving in or being shallow, its corrective surgery, same as a hair lip or a tooth brace which no one would think twice about really would they? It’s giving you the means to put all this behind you and concentrate on what’s really important in life. So maybe just give it some thought and discuss it with your doctor and explore the options?

 

[loupnoire]

Please don't feel sorry, you didn't do anything wrong at all, and if that's what you were trying to do then I really appreciate it. I guess it is just really hard for me to believe that any guy would ever want to touch mine without wanting to make fun of them or just being completely disgusted and turned off. I am just in a really down place about it all right now, but please don't feel bad, I didn't want anyone to feel bad with what I said. Thank you for your apologies, but they are not warranted at all.

 

[Walley]

as I said previously in the thread.. i feel that breasts are not the issues in reality here.
in your OP you mentioned more than your breasts.. you talked bout not liking your face and other things in general.
this is a self esteem issue and nothing more, i wish you could see that.
all the people talking about surgery or any other superficial ideas, or even saying that they dont care either way.. well they are all missing the point aren't they?
the issue at hand here is feeling good about yourself and not judging yourself so much.
i mean, i would bet that every person on here would resculpt their bodies if they could run themselves through photoshop. but that doesnt fix self esteem does it?
MOST women don't have anything close to perfect breasts
not any more than an anorexic fixes it by losing weight.

loupnoire, you don't need to be concerned about it. honestly.
if you wish to give yourself a make-over to feel better about yourself, or start practicing how to dress to look and feel sexier, thats all fine and good.
but try not to focus on the wrong things..

 

[Badjedidude]

It's hard for me to read about guys squeezing breasts and making sound effects, because I'm pretty sure any guy would rather puke all over himself than touch mine.

Haha I seriously doubt that.

It's hard to read that my breasts would be disconcerting to a man who likes symmetry. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I didn't choose to look this way, believe me I didn't. I just want to be beautiful, be sexy, be desired, be loved, the way I am, but I don't know if it's possible anymore.

It's more than just possible. It's probable. There are a honeysuckle-ton of men out there who'd appreciate your boobs for what they are. As I've said before... if you actually talk to men about it, you'd find that most men like ALL types of boobs, and most men will generally tell you that pornstar balloon-boobs are disgusting. Because they are.

Believe me... I understand. It's gotta be hard to try to strive for perfection in today's over-sexualized, breast-driven media. Take one look at commercials and you see gleamingly perfect cleavage everywhere, and you see images of men lusting for those boobs--THE BIGGER THE BETTER!!!

But this in no way has any connection to reality. Sure, men will engage in fraternization patterns wherein perfectly formed, C-cup breasts are treasured... but largely that's simply a result of men being men around men. No guy is going to willingly admit to his buddies that he likes normal breasts or that he likes all breasts... it's an ego, macho thing to profess a love for HUGE breasts and PERFECT chests.

But it's not real.

Like I said... ask any man you know, and one-on-one they'll tell you that they'd love to have ANY pair of breasts in their faces.

Please don't feel sorry, you didn't do anything wrong at all, and if that's what you were trying to do then I really appreciate it. I guess it is just really hard for me to believe that any guy would ever want to touch mine without wanting to make fun of them or just being completely disgusted and turned off. I am just in a really down place about it all right now, but please don't feel bad, I didn't want anyone to feel bad with what I said. Thank you for your apologies, but they are not warranted at all.

As far as surgery...

I know you said that you want to learn to live with yourself as you are; that's great. I completely agree.

But if you for some reason never actually get there, then you might look into surgery as an option. A LAST-DITCH option. And it's a bad habit to get into relying upon cosmetic surgeries and procedures to make yourself feel beautiful.

Here's what I would suggest: Don't get BIGGER breasts. That's the wrong way to go. I'd actually suggest staying away from any procedure that puts something INSIDE of you; that's just danger and infection waiting to happen.

But if you REALLY feel that your breasts are too uneven or droopy or whatever it is that you feel is the problem... simply have that addressed. They have procedures where a doctor can tighten sections of skin to even out a bust. There are procedures to realign some of the fatty tissue in breasts to make them more supple. *shrug* There are a lot of options out there that are smaller procedures. And if one of these smaller procedures could make you feel better about it... then by all means, look into it.

I personally don't think that you need any surgeries or procedures.

But if that's the path you choose, then consider the SMALLER, non-invasive, simpler options. I'd put that sort of thing on par with having a small amount of soft-palate repair. Or perhaps having chronically ingrown toenails removed or permanently trimmed. Nobody's body is perfect, and it's OK to consider having a small procedure to address some of the problems that our bodies have.

I think any guy would love to be with you and enjoy your body. I don't even have to SEE your body to know that.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I feel like some of these replies have turned insensative. Since society and pop culture seem to measure a woman's desirability by the size of her breasts, it means that to most girls, this one included, that this is a very serious, troubling issue to her. If you were a man with a deformed penis and people started joking around about it, I can bet most men would feel ashamed.

It's painfully obvious that she can either have surgery or not, I think she already realized that. I think she really wanted to learn how to accept her body the way it is and be able to feel beautiful, and desirable to a man just the way she is.

She has been very open about something very painful and hard for most people to understand...I think we need to step back and think about how some of these comments might make her feel.

Society says a females desierablity is based on her breasts. Actually, females developed breasts when humans started stand upright and males needed something to judge mates upon other than the buttocks.

Second, I stand by my post. I am not some wuss who will lie just because it might hurt someone's feelings. She wanted a male perspective. I gave her the male perspective for hetrosexual and bisexual males. However, I guess if you are a doctor, a naturalist, or just the some super playboy. You see plenty of breasts and know what they look like. As where most males are lucky to see breasts.

It's hard for me to read about guys squeezing breasts and making sound effects, because I'm pretty sure any guy would rather puke all over himself than touch mine.

The truth is never pretty or easy to swallow hun. However, at the end of the day it is the truth. I stand by my post.

Also, what exactly do you expect men to say about breasts? I mean I am really curious. How are men supposed to think when they see a pair of bare breasts?

 

[LonelyAtNight]

Hi Loupnoire,

I want to write in this post somethings that have not been talked about.

The first thing is I want to talk about guys, I'm going to put guys into two general catagories; first- immature and shallow, second - at least somewhat mature and with at least some depth, I'm talking about guys rather than the asymmetry that you've shared in regard to your breasts, because it is not about whether you, with your body, fit neatly in a societal norm (to heck with societal norms anyways!!!) but rather if the person that you might hook up with has reasonable maturity and depth. To me what is important in a relationship are first things other than the body, HOW WE INTERACT, DO WE HAVE FUN TOGETHER, ARE WE SUPPORTIVE TO EACH OTHER, DO WE HAVE A RICHNESS OF EXPERIENCE!!!!, out of that comes CONNECTION and AFFECTION, then there is the physical, and if those other things are creating CONNECTION and AFFECTION the things of the body, including breasts of uneven size need NOT be a significant deal and IN FACT in my opinion could be GREATLY - TOTALLY APPRECIATED just as they are!!!!!

Now I'm middle aged, 55, so you are way to young for me, but if I was somewhere in my early/mid twenties, you have really quite a nice looking face and from your posts you are a sensitive, intelligent and even courageous person, I'd have some dates with you!!!, see where it might go??, and if at some point things were progressing, including to intimacy, I'm really very sure that when having the HONOR of your breasts I would appreciate both them, each the size they are!!!!

Actually as I write this the aspects of CONNECTION and INTERACTION that I've already mentioned and I'll add, Kissing, the quality of Kissing, ASOLUTELY MORE IMPORTANT to me, than whether breasts are big, small, in between or of differing sizes. SO WHAT!!!!!!!! - really, SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like I said to start, guys in two general catagories, immature/shallow or with somewhat more maturity/depth, forget about the first ones and see what you can do to come accross, interact with some of the second.....

You are ultimately a Beautiful Woman, a Beautiful Expression, of the creative force of the universe....with your breasts and other aspects of You, JUST AS YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


John H

 

[monkeysox]

I hope you are feeling better. Did you manage to find a more sympathetic doctor ?

We all appreciate how upsetting this is for you. Even though I will totally validate what we have said is true, it is how you feel about it yourself that matters.

I hope that soon you feel better about things and find a conclusion best for you.

There are some procedures that are not so invasive as implants that you could investigate as possible options.
I do not know a lot about them but have seen trials of both on a day time TV programme.

One is a bra called 'Bravia' that claims through traction breast tissue will grow. The results vary from woman to woman . I do know that some say it didn't work, but for others it worked well.

The other is an injection of (I believe body fat) but the injection is temporary about 2 years and would need to be repeated. Your doctor would perhaps be able to advise on these options as possible solutions.

 

[bodafuko]

My little sister had breast deformations and irregularities. I never knew this, of course, until my mom explained why Kid Sis got a boob job, lol. I supported her in this decision and was very happy that it made her happy and feel better about her appearance.

 

[The_Old_Soul]

I feel like some of these replies have turned insensative. Since society and pop culture seem to measure a woman's desirability by the size of her breasts, it means that to most girls, this one included, that this is a very serious, troubling issue to her. If you were a man with a deformed penis and people started joking around about it, I can bet most men would feel ashamed.

It's painfully obvious that she can either have surgery or not, I think she already realized that. I think she really wanted to learn how to accept her body the way it is and be able to feel beautiful, and desirable to a man just the way she is.

She has been very open about something very painful and hard for most people to understand...I think we need to step back and think about how some of these comments might make her feel.

Society says a females desierablity is based on her breasts. Actually, females developed breasts when humans started stand upright and males needed something to judge mates upon other than the buttocks.

Second, I stand by my post. I am not some wuss who will lie just because it might hurt someone's feelings. She wanted a male perspective. I gave her the male perspective for hetrosexual and bisexual males. However, I guess if you are a doctor, a naturalist, or just the some super playboy. You see plenty of breasts and know what they look like. As where most males are lucky to see breasts.

It's hard for me to read about guys squeezing breasts and making sound effects, because I'm pretty sure any guy would rather puke all over himself than touch mine.

The truth is never pretty or easy to swallow hun. However, at the end of the day it is the truth. I stand by my post.

Also, what exactly do you expect men to say about breasts? I mean I am really curious. How are men supposed to think when they see a pair of bare breasts?

I know personnally I'm not lying to to guard her feelings or anyone else's. I tell it like it is, how I feel. Maybe that is your "male perspective" but certainly doesn't represent every male. I know plenty of men who aren't too concerned about a woman's chest, and yes they are straight and mature. You can't tell me that modern society doesn't put a lot of importance in a woman's chest and her appearance overall...this is why you have 12 year olds throwing up dinner every night so they can look like some photoshopped pop culture icon.

I'm sorry, someone who has a heart of gold is much more physically attractive to me than someone with the "perfect" body, face, boobs, Botox and a rotten persoanality. This also coming from a straight males perspective, although many alpha males seem to consider me otherwise.

I'm done with this subject though...I suffered through years of low self esteem because people cared more about what's wrong with my body than who I am as a person, and I for one don't want her to have to hear anything else hurtful because I know exactly how it feels.

 

[nerdygirl]

It is easier to take a step from acceptance to appreciation than it is to go from dislike to love.

Trying to feel beautiful sounds like a lot of pressure, even without worrying about your breasts. Each day that you wake up feeling discouraged that you don't think of yourself as beautiful, you are probably making it even harder for yourself. Right now, you should focus on feeling less unattractive. Start thinking about all of those things you like about your body. Even the little things can help... maybe you have a cute toe or a charming dimple. Count every little thing- if you think all of your toes are cute, they are ten attractive things, rather than one. Don't stop at your breasts and think how much you hate them. Just ignore them and think about everything else for a while. If you start thinking about your breasts, deliberately stop your negative thoughts, and think, "I have a nice nose" or whatever.

Then, start working on accepting your breasts. Make sure you remind yourself that while you don't find your breasts appealing, other people might. "I have X number of good traits, and my breasts are just one thing I don't find appealing. Somebody else might like my breasts." If you can, work yourself to a point where you think, "My breasts aren't that bad, after all."

Don't feel bad if it takes a while to accept yourself. You're battling a lifetime of conditioning.

 

[Milly]

Loupnoire - I was one of those people making crap jokes before, and for that I apologise.

I also wanna say that you're a pretty girl with lovely eyes, and I'm far from the first person to say this. I can't see any evidence at all from your picture of bad acne or a weight problem. People often fixate on what they perceive to be their flaws, to the extent that they imagine those flaws to be badly exaggerated. I'd respectfully suggest that you might be doing this.

Bit of a thought experiment here: who's more likely to be excessively critical of your appearance, and who's likely to take a more objective view - you, after years of looking in the mirror trying to find problems, or a group of people who've never seen you before and have no reason to lie about their opinions?

We're not always the most accurate judges of ourselves. Lots of people in here have been complimentary about your appearance - maybe we've got a point, eh?

Now regarding your boobs, you say you're convinced a man would rather vomit than touch them. What evidence have you got for that? I'm just skim-reading now but I believe you've never actually showed a man your breasts - so how can you be so certain he'd react like that? I'm not a guy but I can imagine that if I was seeing a sweet, intelligent, *pretty* girl like you, I'd be quite happy with life. If I finally got all the way... well, I'd have had all that good stuff, and boobs aren't going to change that.

And likewise, if it turned out this guy had only one testicle, or if his thingy wasn't of exact porn-film dimensions (I'm lead to believe that porn isn't always anatomically realistic for men either) - how much would that bother you? I'm guessing it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for you.

In all honesty, I think Whalley's got a point - your self-esteem is holding you back far more than your tits. If you want to be loved for what you are now, then that's up to you before anyone else. And regarding surgery, it's a little extreme perhaps but really, when you get down to principle, it's no different to having your hair done, or dentistry, or make-up, or wearing certain clothing - they're all artificial ways of improving our appearance, and absolutely everyone (men and women) use them to some extent. It's not cheating any more than wearing deodorant or brushing your teeth or cutting your hair before it reaches your ankles.

Best wishes - I hope this thread is of some use to you.

 

[PyramidHead]

@ loupnoire

I guess it is kinda normal to have these kind of wishes. To be attractive for others and to be loved just for the way you are. I can really understand how you feel, since I kind of have a lot of scars that often have the same effect on me. I don't think that women (in my case) will like them and may even think of them as ugly, which will make me ugly. As well, it took me a long time to even go swimming again, since I doesn't like to show my body because of them.

I guess I'm not in the condition to give advice, since I still have so many doubts, but from experience I would say that the best way to get to like your body would be by accepting it and to stop it from getting between you and your dreams. Kinda sounds funny, so let me try to explain.
Don't let your fears stand in the way of yourself. You would like to wear a bikini, yet not because of your body? Don't do that. If you like to go to the beach or something like that, than do it. If it would be too much at first to wear a bikini, then start with something less revealing and show just a bit more in the next visits, until you reach a bikini that fits your wishes.

As well, it is always important to remind that ugliness starts in the head. If you have a negative image of yourself in your head, then you will feel band and others get this feeling of insecurity. Don't ask me how they get it, but they do.
But the reality is often different. Some of my online friends always have a more negative image about themselves as well, but I know from their pictures that reality isn't as bad. As well, everyone has a personal taste and sense of beauty and of course, everyone has different priorities. For some people, it mostly is the character that matters. Not to mention that not every guy has the same taste, when it gets to the beauty of breasts.

Still, people with burn scars or even lost limps are still able to find partners, so I guess it is safe to assume that hope should never be lost and that even physical weaknesses can be loved by the right person ... because it makes them the way they are, unique.

However, I don't think that we have to go that far. If I assume that your picture is your profile avatar, then I may say that you look good and that your "ugliness" is only something that is hiding in your head. Don't try to think too much about it, even if it is hard, and make the most out of your life. I'm sure the right man will come sooner or later. Hopefully soon.

 

[nerdygirl]

I think scars are hot. The crazier they look, the hotter they are. Of course, my reaction to scars might be a turn off to people with scars.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

Then, start working on accepting your breasts. Make sure you remind yourself that while you don't find your breasts appealing, other people might. "I have X number of good traits, and my breasts are just one thing I don't find appealing. Somebody else might like my breasts." If you can, work yourself to a point where you think, "My breasts aren't that bad, after all."

And yes, I am aware that I am coming across as insensitive. This is not what I'm actually saying, just I'm rough around the edges.

I spent 28 years trying to hide the fact that I liked women's clothes. Then suddenly, I learned to accept it. There are three steps to acceptance.

0. Loathing
(Looking at an issue all day, every day will do this to you. You see something about yourself you can't stand, and we could give all the flowery words of support you need. It won't make you feel better)
1. Ignoring
(Change your routine. If you do something or other, even binding, so that you simply don't have to mess with them for a few days, when you take that off you won't be thinking "dammit my breasts are deformed" you'll think "I'm glad that's loose that was so tight around my chest")
2. Acclimation
(Slowly make yourself aware of the issue, little by little, softening it from outright hatred to apathy to like to even love. Remember, a big surgery, unless it uses what is already there, will often lead to feelings of being "fake" which is even worse. Removing and having scars is always preferable to caving to "what all other people want" and putting something on the body. And better still is removing the feeling entirely, by getting used to it)
3. Acceptance
(The key to acceptance, is figuring out what you can do with them. That is, finding something to like about your condition. You could for instance become a medical candidate for some procedure or another that could benefit other women. You could have really kinky... nvm. Anyway, guilt or shame are not healthy responses, moving past them is. People will try to convince you something is wrong with the way you are, or in my case "sinful". The greatest sin is guilt and shame.)

 

[PyramidHead]

I think scars are hot. The crazier they look, the hotter they are. Of course, my reaction to scars might be a turn off to people with scars.

I wouldn't describe any of them as "crazy looking", but the collection of them all together looks a bit funny. Most are from my childhood, some long "tiger stripes" scars that go from my hips up to my chest (I grew very fast as kid, so my skin couldn't handle it) and a lot small "spot" scars all over my body (I had the worst chickenpox that my doctor ever saw).
Well, and two larger scars from operations on my shoulders, but they healed quite well now.

So in summer, when I get a nice tan and they mostly stay brighter, I kinda look like a human-tiger-cheetah-mix.
But ****, we should go back to topic.
:club:

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I forgot to post this article when I first posted. Yeah it is a bit more on the workout side of things, but I think it applies to any body image situation.

 

[A.L]

Hello loupnoire,

I've read the posts in this thread and I just wanted to add something. Breasts are really only one thing on the long list of things that can make a girl beautiful. Think about legs, hands, a smile, hair, lips, or eyes. In fact, in my personal opinion, breasts really aren't that important!

Judging by your profile pic you are quite pretty, and you have that killer combo of blue eyes and dark hair that sets so many hearts on fire!

 

[ajdass1]

I'm just wondering, whether you've found any forums with other women who have breast asymmetry issues? I think it would be so much better for you to talk about accepting your own body with someone who knows specifically what you're going through. For all I know you've already done that, but here's a couple of links I found.

http://www.breast.com.au/forum/breast-asymmetry-inherited-conditions-2
Breast.com.au, this is the breast asymmetry section. It has surgeons who seem very good about answering questions, maybe they'll be able to give you some advice on accepting yourself since I'm sure they've dealt with patients who didn't end up getting surgery but needed emotional guidance.

http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Have-Severe-Breast-Asymmetry/157496

http://ehealthforum.com/health/breasts.html#axzz2FNRr1xdd

A lot of the sites I came across just focus on breast surgery but these last two seem like places you might be able to discuss this issue.

Again sorry if you've already looked at these sorts of sites, just thought they'd be able to give a different perspective than we can.