Umm... how can I grow a pair?

[SomeoneSomewhere]

When I think about it, I realize how much of a coward I am and how I've always been one. I don't know why I fear everything, but I do. I mean, I've had kids 10 years younger bully me.

Maybe I never learned to fight with the things I fear or maybe I was never taught (assuming that someone does it in the perfect world).

So if I plan to grow a pair, right now (without stem cells), how do I do it?

 

[Locke]

You don't. Not instantly like what you're asking for anyway. Courage isn't an absence of fear, it's doing something even when you are afraid. Once you start fighting the things that you're afraid of, the fear will lessen.

 

[Walley]

Courage isn't an absence of fear, it's doing something even when you are afraid

very true.
sometimes you just have to push the fear out of your mind and jump right in there and deal with it as it comes at you.
I think that fear is just another word for "thinking too much"
so don't think.
just do.

 

[9006]

Sounds to me like you're in the wrong environment.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People that say stuff like that don't understand anxiety, and probably are bullies themselves.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

I'm afraid to write about testicles right now. I dunno... have you seen that Jackass clip where Johnny Knoxville is an old man and you hear "f**k the pain away" by Peaches playing . . . that's one way I suppose, I dunno what guys need to do (shrug).

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Why would you want a pear? Are you hungry?

Okay, serious response.

A lot of guys have this attitude thrust upon them. They can't be sensitive. They can't cry. They can't be human. They have to be emotionless robots that don't get hurt.

This is really stupid, because men ARE human. We cry. We bleed. We hurt sometimes. Not to quote a REM song, but everybody does hurt.

You shouldn't feel bad for not wanting to fight. Ghandi didn't fight. Neither did Martin Luther King. Lots of smart intellectuals don't believe in physical violence, and this just means that they've evolved to where violence is unnecessary.

 

[Locke]

Hey Muse, I agree with you. No one should feel bad for not physically fighting. But "fight" is often used as a metaphor for standing up against your fear. There are a lot of different (non-violent) ways to fight something.

Although using a chainsaw against your fear all Evil Dead style works too, I guess.

 

[Runciter]

While I'm all for getting in touch with ones emotions, at the end of the day we're male. To paraphrase Spiderman: "With great testicles, comes great aggression." Testosterone is a powerful hormone and can have a drastic impact on the way a man acts.
It is perfectly natural for males to feel the need to fight. Not necessarily in a purely physical form, but it is the way we have evolved to find a mate and maintain our territory. Those reasons might not be appropriate anymore but you're still hardwired that way.

I would suggest rigorous exercise to help you feel more empowered. The release of extra testosterone and endorphins triggered by exercise will help boost your self-confidence which is exactly what you need. After all, bullies don't pick on people who are physically weak, they pick on people who are mentally weak because they know you won't fight back. If they sense that you're confident to enough to fight them back, even if they think they'll win, then they probably won't pick on you. They're not looking for a fight, they're looking for someone to belittle to make them feel better about their own inadequacies.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Both some men and some women feel the need to fight. Other men, and other women, are content to try to be more peaceful.

 

[Runciter]

Both some men and some women feel the need to fight. Other men, and other women, are content to try to be more peaceful.

Some are both. I'm a man who often feels the need to fight, but I understand that it is just a physiological effect that causes this need and I am content to exert my anger in non-destructive means such as exercise.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to fight as long as you're able to control that feeling and use your brain rationally to make decisions. Likewise, there is nothing wrong from avoiding a fight at any cost, as long as there is nothing to be gained from fighting. But I believe that sometimes fighting is the only option and a person must be able to rationally choose to stand up for themselves or others and be prepared to fight for what they believe in.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
― George Carlin

 

[Runciter]

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
― George Carlin

So standing up against the Nazis was wrong? Perhaps we should have just tried to show them the error of their ways? If you really think that fighting is always morally wrong then you are in the wrong species my friend. Humans are aggressive by nature and if you choose to be a complete pacifist then you better get used to running away.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

No, I don't feel fighting is always wrong.

But going to war, and killing tons of innocent people, is no better than terrorism, IMO.

 

[Runciter]

No, I don't feel fighting is always wrong.

But going to war, and killing tons of innocent people, is no better than terrorism, IMO.

Sometimes there is no option. Am I saying war is good? No. Am I saying that I am willing to fight in a war for something I believe in? fresia yes. To say that was is no better than terrorism is wrong. Terrorism is there to kill innocent people in order to spread the terrorists political/religious ideology. War, however, can be used to free people from tyranny and injustice. War can be used for completely noble means, it doesn't make it any nicer but it does make it stand far apart from terrorism.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I just believe in a better world than that.

But we are going off topic, which was standing up for yourself. And I agree that everyone needs to stand up for themselves.

 

[Runciter]

It doesn't matter what we as individuals believe, as long as there is someone out there willing to take something of yours by force then we need to be able to fight. And while it is nice to imagine that humanity can learn from the errors of its ways there is absolutely nothing from history which indicates that this is even possible. We are still as aggressive and fond of war as we always have been and while I will fight for this to change, I don't ever expect it to. But yes, we've derailed this thread enough.

@OP
If you're sick of being pushed around in your life then I would recommend a martial art. I don't recommend that you do this to be able to fight better, you should do it so that you know you can. Having the confidence to be able to stand up for yourself comes across in your body language. I was brought up in a dangerous part of London, I learnt from an early age to walk with my head high and not to project any signs of weakness. These aren't skills you can just learn, no book on body language will help you, you have to have confidence within and apart from living in a dangerous place, learning a martial art would be a great way to boost your confidence.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Martial arts are a good idea. I agree.

Not only does it teach violence in the time of necessity, but it teaches non-violence and patience in the time that it isn't necessary.

 

[Shut_Out]

I think demeanor is just as important as knowing how to physically defend yourself. If you project a certain confidence, people will be less apt to mess with you.

Do you come off as timid - if so, why?

 

[Runciter]

I think demeanor is just as important as knowing how to physically defend yourself. If you project a certain confidence, people will be less apt to mess with you.

Do you come off as timid - if so, why?

Exactly, the first step should be to understand what you're doing wrong. Do you often look down at your feet while walking? Is your back hunched over? Do you avoid eye contact at all cost? If you make eye contact, do you break it immediately and not know where to look? All of these and more mark you as a victim.

Head up, shoulders back. Feel free to make eye contact with people but don't stare. Walk with confidence, keep looking ahead and smile at people. All of these will help project confidence but they are very uncomfortable to do unless you actually have confidence.