Unable to talk to people I KNOW I would have a connection with

[thatguy000]

I have a spare block at school, and usually I just end up sitting on my own doing the regular stack of homework. Not a typically social guy myself, I don't exactly have that many friends and I would really like to make some more. There are some people who sit a few tables away from me, sometimes just one of them, sometimes a group, who I know (through eavesdropping, yes, and for THAT I feel guilty lol) share a great deal of the same interests as I do! Sometimes I work myself up, telling myself I should just go over and talk to them (we know each other, but just like typical school-aquantences), but I can NEVER actually bring myself to do it. Usually I'm just afraid of having little to say and just end up awkardly sitting there
Any tips on how to muster up the courage to actually get to know these people? I would really like to actually spend time with people on this spare, cause sometimes just sitting alone gets really depressing

Thanks all!

 

[Estrios_Vega]

Encounters with others especially ones to create connections are made through three things - courage, circumstance, or mistakes. You can create a situation in which you can talk to them, but be forewarned, if you don't handle the situation just right the whole thing will go awry. Let's say you have a class together - or better yet a class where you have it in a previous/afterward block than them. You can ASK them for help or ask what will be going on in the class that day, you can strike up a conversation about something benign after the initial contact and move from there into more familiar territory for you (whatever things you may have in common with these other people). I would suggest if you use this method (the circumstance method), that you talk to an INDIVIDUAL, not the group. Groups have different dynamics and you cannot accurately predict their behavior. For the mistake method you can coincidently leave something there at their table or BE at their typical table. And they will do one of three things, ask you to move, ask to sit there, or not engage at all. For the first scenario you can ask, POLITELY, can I sit here with you instead OR say you're sorry you didn't realize that they usually sat there (the second one requires a movement). This will get you contact and you can give them your name or something in an apology. That will plant a seed of interest. Second scenario, if they ask you if they can sit there, you've already got an in. Say yes and strike up a conversation as best you can. Without prodding too much! For the third scenario they may choose not to engage this is the WORST CASE because it USUALLY only USUALLY (60 -75%) means they have no interest in getting to know you. Also for the mistake method, you can do this with either the GROUP or an INDIVIDUAL as a contact. The third overall method is bravery, go up and ask if you can sit there. If you get the guts to do it that way, then do it - it almost always receives a positive response (Just say this, "I usually sit at the table over there by myself but that's been getting boring lately mind if i sit with you guys?") And that's the best I can give you, the rest is up to you.

 

[Mooosic]

Unfortunately, I know how that feels! People say to just be confident and go talk to them BUT that's hard in high school unless you're a very outgoing person. It seems as if everyone already knows each other and therefore don't "need" or want to talk to you. and those akward moments... I've been there! It sucks!

Do you have any interests and is there a club at your school that relates to that interest? You've probably heard this before BUT join a club. I've been in your shoes and joining a club or activity or whatever really helps! You make friends and there seems to always be something to talk about! I wish you the best of luck and hope it gets getter! I know how much being alone in high school sucks!!!

 

[1994kid]

I'm having the same exact problems in my high school right now. I'm sorry dude but if i had a solution I would tell it to you.
And if you ever find a solution to your problems please tell me, I would be very pleased.

 

[biscuits]

Mind trick yourself, pretend they feel the same as you do, or that you swapped places with one of them. Now imagine how someone else might come up and say "hi, can I sit?"

Don't worry about what will happen after, silence isn't a bad thing. Meeting people is easy, you can ask their names, or what subjects they take. It's when you get to know them, that's when conversations get interesting. By then you won't worry to go sit by them

 

[lonewolf93]

Well it seems we've got the same problem. I know the solution, although I'm not able to use it myself too often. To start talking with these schoolmates of yours, you should look for a good occasion for it. For example when you see one of them alone. It's easier to start a topic one-on-one. You should ask if that person's got a moment. It's a good way of checking if he/she is worth talking with or not. If he/she HAS got a moment, then smile and tell him/her something positive that you've heard about him/her. It can even be something funny though be careful - it's easy to make someone feel uncomfortable during a conversation. Especially if that person doesn't know you too well. He or she might think you want to make fun of him or her.
If you've got any topics you know that person share interst in with you, it's indeed a good reason to prolong your first conversation. It's best just to make him/her KNOW that you like the same thing as him/her. It may be a book, band, sport or anything else. If you share interests, you will probably become friends in no time. It doesn't mean you will get close to each other. It's just that you will get a person with whom you will be able to talk during school breaks