Unhappy

[Kate]

It's taken me so long to be able to get the courage to start a thread on here. Being unhappy and shy and having no confidence whatsoever have all stopped me. I'm 43, unhappily married and feel that life is totally hopeless. I feel that I have wasted most of my life now. I don't have any friends, I lost the few I had years ago when I became very withdrawn.. I have been feeling so sad and unhappy just lately and everyone on this site seems to be so nice. It would be good to hear from some friendly people. I feel very alone at the moment. I really have no confidence at all in writing this - and I realise I haven't put much information here either, but I don't feel able to just yet..... [/php]

 

[shesafrozenfire]

Reaching out to others is a good first step.

I understand how crushing it can be to be locked in an unhappy marriage; I was there for several years. Like you, I'm 43 years old and struck by the feeling that I've wasted a good potion of my life in isolation and depression. I'm at the point now where I am changing directions, going back to school for a new career, and finally putting myself out there to meet people. So, there is still hope.

Hang in there, Kate. There are people who care here.

 

[Kate]

Thank you for your message. Just thinking about trying to make changes scares the life out of me... I've never been on my own before. I've always had someone controlling my life, my parents and then my husband. making my own decisions is something I've never done, which is scary at my age. . the thought of meeting people is very daunting to me, Ive shut myself off for so long now. sorry Im so negative, I feel so depressed at the moment

 

[shesafrozenfire]

It's totally understandable. Huge life changes can be terrifying, and when you've been reliant on someone else for the major decisions and whatnot, you can really feel lost and adrift. You can do it, but it you need to take a few steps back on occasion and take some deep breaths to get your bearings, then do it.

Also, no need to apologize for how you're feeling. Again, it's only natural to feel overwhelmed and depressed, but remember that you will get through this. (((Kate)))

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Ive had always been in a serious relationship since i was 19. married/diviorced
then a couple long term relationships. 3-5 months tops in between relationships.
I wasnt technique married but i might as will had been becuase we lived
together for so long..common law married. I raised children. Built a career..ect

For some odd reason my life just took a turn no matter how much I fought to keep
it together. I worked at the same job for 16 years. The prospect of making a career
move and having to start not from the top anymore...scared me too. My ex-gf simply
snapped after our children died and she was never the same after that. Our relationship
got worst and worst. Everything worn on me.

At 41...I was single, broke and simply just burnt out. The thought of having
to build a new life from scratch....worn me out just to think about it.
Staying in that relationship the way it was ...was draining and tiring just the same.
The last 2 years were horrible. Thats how I felt...
I felt if though i wasted the best years of my life with someone.
I fell into a deep depression and isolated myself.
She might had wracked the train but I was digging my own grave...sort of speak.

The thought of dating again at 41 was like."Holy wow, man...you have got to be kidding me."
I even tired getting back together with my HS sweet heart. It's like instant replay.
I love her lots and fell in love with her again but it didnt go very well.
I feel more broken heart this time even more...it's rediculouse.
The first time around messed me up pretty good to begin with.lol

Now, i find myself running around like a 25 yr old...Its kind of ridiculous too becuase
I know Im alot more grown up and mature than this.
Like they say...you're 40's are your new 20's...IDK
I see things differently in so many ways...Idk if it's good or bad any more.
Life just comes at me.....It definitely isn't plan A B or C. lol

Im not too happy at the moment of course. It hasnt been that long since
Ive separated from my HSsweetheart. Im just doing the best as i can.
Staying positive as best I can.

Id be lying to you if I say...Im not scared right now...cuase i am.

 

[ajdass1]

Hi Kate. I'm really glad you worked up the courage to start a thread here! I hope this helps you come out of your shell a bit. What hobbies or interests do you have?

 

[Kate]

It's totally understandable. Huge life changes can be terrifying, and when you've been reliant on someone else for the major decisions and whatnot, you can really feel lost and adrift. You can do it, but it you need to take a few steps back on occasion and take some deep breaths to get your bearings, then do it.

Also, no need to apologize for how you're feeling. Again, it's only natural to feel overwhelmed and depressed, but remember that you will get through this. (((Kate)))

Thats just how I feel, lost and adrift.. the trouble is I don't feel I'll ever have the confidence to do anything about it.. maybe in time I can try and sort myself out a bit... I don't think I'm strong enough though x

---

Thank-you Lonesome Crow, I'm so sorry about your children. I can't imagine the pain of losing children. . I have 2, but they are grown up now and don't really need me. I worked in offices after I left school, but didn't really enjoy it, because I hated being surrounded by people.. I married just after I had turned 19, way too young now I look back on it. I don't feel 43, I still like I'm in my 20's, but I know I'm 43 and I've wasted so much time. I feel quite trapped and that it will always be like this

---

Hi Kate. I'm really glad you worked up the courage to start a thread here! I hope this helps you come out of your shell a bit. What hobbies or interests do you have?

Thanks, it's taken me so long to get the nerve to do this. I enjoy my pets, I like listening to music, and I sketch from time to time. I lke to go out walking, but only when there aren't too many people about. Everything I do is alone. I can't stand to have people around me any more, which makes me sound very unfriendly. I'm really not, I'm just so shy and unconfident that I can't handle those situations now

 

[whispers]

Hi Kate,
No regrets... life is not meant to be reviewed and analized. You chose what you could at the time, it wasnt a waste, im sure you learned alot... Now you know you are unhappy, you probably cant do much about it right now, but you know that you need to change it. Sometimes the transition to a new life takes time.

Small actions everyday will change your view on life. There are so many things you can do, take a class, look into a new carreer ( one that will support you eventualy ) ...
Actions, everyday... not daydreaming. Act on it ... make a phone call to get info, etc.

I just went through that, it is hard but so liberating. But i must admit that i was very depressed and had therapy to help me though all of it. If it is accessable to you, i suggest you get help...nevermind what others say, you take all the support you can.

I have alot of resources for women empowerment, i will pm you with those i think are usefull.

I'm glad you here

 

[Kate]

Thank-you, although how much I'd be able to do I don't know. I have absolutely zero confidence,. I never had very much confidence to start with, but now it's all gone. It makes me feel so alone, but at the same time I can't stand the thought of being with people. It's only now that I have had the nerve to come on here properly

 

[LoneKiller]

Hi Kate.

Take your time. It's understandable to feel a little awkward when it comes to sharing personal info. Post whenever you feel comfortable.

 

[Kate]

Thanks. I'm not able to say much . I've been so nervous about the thread, but maybe it will help

 

[Okiedokes]

Hi Kate, I am sorry to hear about your situation and I can only hope that things will get better. I bet you will find that there are a lot of people who can relate at least a little bit and be able to help you out whether it's here or somewhere else. I would say that I have been able to sort of relate in some ways and I have needed to find myself and set the rules in my own life. It is one step at a time and I hope that you will be able to find happiness in yourself and do things that you like, and do the things that you feel is right. If that is part of why you are unhappy, because you don't make decisions for yourself or together with your husband, then you should step up and say how you feel to him or just go and do it yourself as hard as it may be. Small steps.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Kate, welcome to the site. I am so sorry to hear that you are unhappily married. It must be so painful to be with someone and to not feel happy or close to them. And when you have no friends to lend an ear and give support, this makes things even harder for you. You have done well to have taken the step to coming to this site and sharing your problems with us.

 

[Kate]

Hi Kate, I am sorry to hear about your situation and I can only hope that things will get better. I bet you will find that there are a lot of people who can relate at least a little bit and be able to help you out whether it's here or somewhere else. I would say that I have been able to sort of relate in some ways and I have needed to find myself and set the rules in my own life. It is one step at a time and I hope that you will be able to find happiness in yourself and do things that you like, and do the things that you feel is right. If that is part of why you are unhappy, because you don't make decisions for yourself or together with your husband, then you should step up and say how you feel to him or just go and do it yourself as hard as it may be. Small steps.

Mmm I can't make any decisions... also can't say to him how that makes me feel. It's difficult, because I'm not confident [/quote][/php][/color][/align]

---

Hi Kate, welcome to the site. I am so sorry to hear that you are unhappily married. It must be so painful to be with someone and to not feel happy or close to them. And when you have no friends to lend an ear and give support, this makes things even harder for you. You have done well to have taken the step to coming to this site and sharing your problems with us.

Hi Tiina, it's very painful after so many years to feel like this.. I just wish I was stronger than I am. If I was more assertive I might get somewhere, but it's impossible to be something I'm not

 

[Romantic_Flower]

Well, I can't say much. I feel lonely as you, but I'm 18', and I'm single. But Kate, dont give up. Try finding a reason in your life. A Goal. Find one by yourself, and fight for it. That's what makes me wanna live - the desire for reaching a goal, as so or anyone else.
And don't be shy, if you need somene to talk, PM me. I'm always here.

 

[Gutted]

Welcome Kate! I hope that you have enough confidence to post here more often. I imagine the way you feel is not good at all. But rest assure that it is not too late to meet people and be happy! I hope that you can achieve this

 

[Kate]

Thank-you for the messages.. It's been a rough few days and I've felt really down. I try not to let myself get that bad, but sometimes it's inevitable.. Meeting others would definitely help, but shyness dictates me.. just as much as no self-confidence..

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank-you, although how much I'd be able to do I don't know. I have absolutely zero confidence,. I never had very much confidence to start with, but now it's all gone. It makes me feel so alone, but at the same time I can't stand the thought of being with people. It's only now that I have had the nerve to come on here properly

Welcome to the forum, Kate.

I don't think you have zero confidence at all. I think you still have some confidence in you as you managed to open up this thread and received so many replies from members here and you've even responded to many of them. So, not zero confidence.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes when you keep telling yourself that you have no confidence? That's what will happen or what you will actually feel. I see you say this a lot of times in your posts. What makes you think this honestly?

You know, you could try to think of what makes you feel confident. And then do them more often. Maybe the things you do at work or at home can make you feel confident, take those moments with you and keep telling yourself that you are confident enough to do this and that. Lack of confidence can be overcome. So don't give up and keep trying, though I know that it is easier said than done.

We're all here for you to help you get through your hardships, so don't hesitate to voice your issues or thoughts on here.

*hugs* I hope things will get better for you, Kate.

 

[ahaikulife]

Thank-you for the messages.. It's been a rough few days and I've felt really down. I try not to let myself get that bad, but sometimes it's inevitable.. Meeting others would definitely help, but shyness dictates me.. just as much as no self-confidence..

Hi Kate. You made the decision to post on this site, and did that without your husbands help, I presume? That was not only a decision, but also courageous of you, and a good step. Being proactive is sometimes very difficult, especially when you are shy, or unhappy, or have no self-confidence. But I am sure, actually I know, without a doubt that there are decisions that you make on your own, even if just little ones such as posting here, or when you decide to go out for a walk... do you not make a decision which corner to go down?

I am sorry to hear that you are unhappy in your marriage. Many, most, if not all, the people on this site can relate to your loneliness. The worst part about lonliness, at least to me, is when you are lonely even when you are around people. It must be difficult for you, but I know that you are seeking to fix your situation, otherwise you wouldn't be here posting, and that is really cool of you...


I wished I had some great words that would take away your feelings of hopelessness, but I don't, because I kind of feel the same way right now. It is an aweful feeling, but you are not alone in that feeling. I see no way out of where I am at, but I continue on... i guess, maybe, there is a hint of hope there. You do have hope, yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be here sharing yourself with us... you have hope, hope that something good will come out of posting on this site. So? you DO have hope !!! if even a miniscule, barely visible amount

 

[Kate]

Ladyforsaken and ahaikulite, thanks both of yyou for the encouragemment but i really dont have any confidence right now, nothing.. im so unhappy, im intears all the time, even now. i cant cope at the moment,i dont know what to do