University blues

[xblackxmythx]

So I've been in a relationship for two years now with my boyfriend, he's the year above me and now he's going to university in September, depending on the Uni he chooses. Only from the sounds of things he just wants to go there for the experience of life and meeting new people and going out drinking etc and so that just says to me he wants to sleep around with different girls and not be tied down at this young an age. He's not had a relationship before but I have and I guess I'm not someone who needs to shop around to know if something is special with someone.
So what do I do? In about four months time my life is about to fall apart as I love my boyfriend very much, he's my best friend yet I don't know how he's thinking and yes ok I should talk to him but how do you bring up the subject of breaking up so casually when it's a horrible thing to talk about?

 

[Caesium]

I'm currently in my penultimate year of schooling - and am seeing the very same situation that you described in my grade. Girls who are going out with guys in the grade above us don't know what to do, now that their boyfriends are leaving High School to go to university. I'm afraid I can't offer much real advice, having never been involved in a relationship myself, however, I will say this: You are still young. Very young in fact. Whilst you may think that he is who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should also understand that maybe he wants to experience more of the social world before marrying you. You mentioned that this was his first relationship - he will probably want to first experience some other women first, see what they are like. He will then realise that you truly are an incredible woman in comparison to the others, and everyone will live happily ever after.

 

[Brian]

...experience of life ...

... drinking etc ...

Yeah I'd pretty much rather jump in a pit of horid cobras and venomous spiders.

Yay for community college, where you don't actually have to see any of college life.

I'd say dump 'em, and find someone with...er...higher aspirations? Like maybe a burger chef, or a garbage man.

 

[Tramp]

How about talking to him? Asking him what his real intentions are regarding you guys?

I am currently on a break from a relationship where I always thought she didn't trust me, because I talked about moving to a different city two or three years down the road and stuff like that. It was a huge mistake on my part because I really like this girl and I never meant any of it the way she took it. I wanted things to just be and the truth is if we did make it that far, I'd never just wake up one day and leave. I rue having put things the wrong way to her and fear that I might just have scared her away.

So you'll never know what's really going on in his mind unless you ask. Maybe he's just trying to play it cool without really realizing that he's giving you the wrong signals, that he's scaring you away. Then again, you're the one that's in the relationship and obviously, you'll know him better than I might.

Good luck.

 

[SophiaGrace]

no offense but he sounds immature =\ and not only that, he doesnt care about his relatioinship with you.

 

[Ken]

Well, college is pretty important, especially in this economy.

The transition between college and high school can be tricky, and though there are a few relationships we manage to keep, many get left behind.

If you told me back when I was in high school that I'd have done half of the things I ended up doing in college, I wouldn't have believed you. I guess what I'm saying is that people change in college as we learn more about ourselves and your boyfriend may too (as you probably will when you get there.)

If you think that your bf is keeping his options open, perhaps you should too. On the other hand it's possible you two are meant for each other and can get through this and come out back together at the other end.

Like you said yourself, talking things out with him really is the way to go.

 

[SilentThinker]

Find a boyfriend who is loyal to you.

 

[spuzzwink]

Only from the sounds of things he just wants to go there for the experience of life and meeting new people and going out drinking etc and so that just says to me he wants to sleep around with different girls and not be tied down at this young an age.

This suggests to me that he doesn't really love you. If he did, I'm not sure he would feel the need to sow any wild oats whilst at university.

So what do I do? In about four months time my life is about to fall apart as I love my boyfriend very much, he's my best friend yet I don't know how he's thinking and yes ok I should talk to him but how do you bring up the subject of breaking up so casually when it's a horrible thing to talk about?

My advice would be to just confront him about it, calmly and clearly, so there can be no ambiguity about his intentions. The mistake I made with my ex-girlfriend when we went off to separate universities was to not address the issue at all and then find myself devastated when she sleeps with another man.
If it was meant to be then he'd be more concerned with when he can come to visit you than with scheduling drinking sessions and the like.

Let us know how it goes.

 

[whyme]

My advice is simple:

Just talk to him and ask him what he thinks about uni and where you fit in ? i.e. a long distance relationship or if he feels he could not commit to that etc. Just have a chat with him and find out what his plans are.

 

[Papabear]

So wait, this guy wants to go out and experience life and everyone here is gonna bash on him?

Don't you all think this is ridiculous?

You don't even know that this guy will cheat on you. No, I'm not saying he won't... in fact it's probably likely... but if he does then he's dirt and you should probably know that already.

But seriously... what makes wanting to go live life immature? Or is it because you are all too jealous to go out and do it yourself? Let me suggest something to you, if the majority of the population of the world wants to and does partake in something, there is probably something good about that.

My advice to you, have a real talk with the guy, don't criticize him for wanting to live his life before you really know whats going on.

 

[Estreen]

I think it's fine if he wants to go out and experience life, as long as he doesn't end up hurting her in doing so (i.e. sleeping around, ignoring/avoiding her, not talking as much, etc.). My bf seemed to get a lot of socializing and the like done in his first year of uni and it was one of the toughest times I had had with him. I near broke up with him because it seemed like I was a mere afterthought half of the time.

Black Myth, definitely talk to him about it. Hopefully he'll be upfront with you about it and not keep it all to himself or anything. Also, keep some hope that this will work out because there's a possibility that it could. I've been in a long distance relationship with my bf for 4.5 years now, being over 3,000 miles apart, and whilst there's been a lot of hard/tough times, we've always managed to pull through somehow because our love is just that deep where we find a way to make it work. It just depends on what you both end up wanting from the relationship. A relationship is generally only as strong as it's weakest partner.