Use it as your strength...

[LongWolfFang]

Loneliness will be an issue that plagues many for an eternity, but I'm here to give some words of encouragement to those willing to listen to an oddball like me.

Neither of us prefer to be lonely — it's why most of us are here. However, could loneliness truly be defined as a bad thing? I can name a few positive things about it...

Your independence. The fact that you're still here; walking, breathing and tackling life head-on is a sign of your strength as an individual. Having friends to reinforce that strength is nice, but do you need them? Look how far you've come on your own. Doesn't matter what you're doing with your life right now. It's all about sustaining it and chasing those dreams you have locked in. If you're still here on this Earth and getting out that bed to face the world alone, then you're strong in my book. Don't ever call your loneliness a weakness, and don't let others encourage that.

Another one: Your time alone gives you the opportunity to realize that you're special. I don't mean special in the negative way, but if people are neglecting to give you a chance to be in their lives, then it means you're too beautiful of a person for them. Don't get me wrong; this isn't narcissism — occasionally, us lonely folk are overshadowed because we're secretly envied to the point of jealousy. We hold strong to our values and goals, even if we have to cry behind the shut door when standing alone to defend them. It hurts to stand alone, but it gives you the time to reflect on yourself and discover your inner majesty.

Oh hey, one more: You already have a friend — You. We can't seem to trust anyone these days, but you know someone who does, don't you? It's the person you talk to the most; yourself. We've got to trust and have faith in ourselves before even considering trusting another; and I'm sure you've got that down already. People may not understand you, but you do. What's more important is what you think, and when you're comfortable with yourself, genuine people in the world will be comfortable with you, too. You may be a lone wolf, but you alone hold so much power. Support yourself as well as any friend could.

Sorry for the ramble, but the strangest desire to post something encouraging on the subject of loneliness — as opposed to posting one about suffering from it — seemed like a nice change of pace. I don't like to see others hurt (I've been reading the topics here), especially from such an emotion that plagues me as well.

One could only dream that we'd have less pain from this. If anything, easing that pain is one of my many goals on the road to become a successful writer. It may be wishful thinking, but it's better than sitting by and allowing it to nibble on us slowly. We've got to embrace that loneliness if we want to ease it, after all.

Godspeed.

 

[user 115627]

While I agree with the outlines of your message, there are a couple of things I'd like to add based on personal views and observation.

The term "loneliness" has an inevitable negative connotation to me and likely to many others. Being lonely always expresses a lack of something or someone in the life of a person, ranging from a mere lack of a significant other and friends to a lack of connection to every person in your environment. At worst, you feel a disconnect with reality itself and every concept of human bonding. In this regard loneliness is a bad thing because it's a state of consistent unfulfillment and unhappiness on a personal or even universal level. From a societal point of view you rarely hear the the words loner/lonely in a neutral, let alone a positive context either. But that's just on a side note really. Even if you can rise above the judgement from the outside, it won't make you feel better because you are still unsatisfied with the status quo.

Independence and self-sustainment play major parts in my personal philosophy as well since every person is responsible for himself above all. You can't take care of others if you don't take of yourself first, not in the long run at least. Everyone likes to be appreciated and encouraged by others, but you need to be able to continue on your own when the going gets tough. That means being confident in who you are and what you are capable of. As you said, this is also how you attract genuine people because you give them an accurate display of yourself. And the same people will stick around because you are selling exactly what you offered.

About being special...this is something I find myself disagreeing with all the time. If people aren't giving you a shot it's certainly not always because you are too "beautiful". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but it has this bitter aftertaste of placing yourself above others. However it's just a simple expression of contradicting sets of standards and values. Dealing with rejection is a crucial part of life and it should amount to mere incompatibility of two ideas, not one being inherently better than the others. Different kinds of people prefer different attributes. Every person is unique in their ways, but there shouldn't be any price tags attached to this concept.

That's all. Hope I didn't rain on your parade too much with my critique.

 

[LongWolfFang]

While I agree with the outlines of your message, there are a couple of things I'd like to add based on personal views and observation.

The term "loneliness" has an inevitable negative connotation to me and likely to many others. Being lonely always expresses a lack of something or someone in the life of a person, ranging from a mere lack of a significant other and friends to a lack of connection to every person in your environment. At worst, you feel a disconnect with reality itself and every concept of human bonding. In this regard loneliness is a bad thing because it's a state of consistent unfulfillment and unhappiness on a personal or even universal level. From a societal point of view you rarely hear the the words loner/lonely in a neutral, let alone a positive context either. But that's just on a side note really. Even if you can rise above the judgement from the outside, it won't make you feel better because you are still unsatisfied with the status quo.

Independence and self-sustainment play major parts in my personal philosophy as well since every person is responsible for himself above all. You can't take care of others if you don't take of yourself first, not in the long run at least. Everyone likes to be appreciated and encouraged by others, but you need to be able to continue on your own when the going gets tough. That means being confident in who you are and what you are capable of. As you said, this is also how you attract genuine people because you give them an accurate display of yourself. And the same people will stick around because you are selling exactly what you offered.

About being special...this is something I find myself disagreeing with all the time. If people aren't giving you a shot it's certainly not always because you are too "beautiful". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but it has this bitter aftertaste of placing yourself above others. However it's just a simple expression of contradicting sets of standards and values. Dealing with rejection is a crucial part of life and it should amount to mere incompatibility of two ideas, not one being inherently better than the others. Different kinds of people prefer different attributes. Every person is unique in their ways, but there shouldn't be any price tags attached to this concept.

That's all. Hope I didn't rain on your parade too much with my critique.

No, no. I'm actually glad you critiqued it. I like seeing other's views and their experiences.

You bring up a very true fact about loneliness in it's bad aspects. I can only agree with that because I, too feel the lack of having someone trustworthy at my side — and it really stings. No way in denying that loneliness is a bad thing, though my point is that while it's bad, there are positive things within it, too; for the sake of remaining comfortable with yourself above all.

As for the special bit, I'm sorry that paragraph came off that way. As I said, I didn't intend for it to have a narcissistic and selfish vibe. Perhaps the true point I tried to convey there is that sometimes, that could be the case, for I worded it as "occasionally" at the start. Rejection is indeed a cruel part of human interaction in forms of all relationships, though the point was to give a different perspective of certain rejections — especially when said rejections are for nonsensical or spiteful reasons. Of course, I could be speaking only from personal experience myself when speaking here (the many ex-friends in my life we're very selfish and inconsiderate individuals, so I may not have a broad experience of different rejections...). I may have phrased "too beautiful" a little bit too arrogantly. What I should have said is that some people just can't see or understand that unique and beautiful trait(s) that you have.

But I know for a fact that what you say is true: Everyone is unique in their own way. Just that us lonely folk should realize that we have uniqueness, too, despite our difficulties to fit in. Loneliness itself is a result of lacking those close and intimate relationships — as you put it very well — but I also think it's a good thing to not be too harsh on yourself when you're feeling isolated. It's out of our control, most of the time.

 

[BreakingtheGirl]

Thank you for this post. It's really sweet. I felt good and comforted by reading it.

 

[LonesomeDay]

What an uplifting post!

I agree it helps to be of this mindset when life offers few options.

One day many years ago I decided to set about achieving my goal to actualise myself as an artist.

I refused for the loneliness to wear me down to the point of becoming non-functioning in despair.

Those were bleak times until I realised there is a choice, a path to follow.

The decision is ours alone.

I chose to embrace the solitude as I'm in it for the long term.

Thank you for reminding me...

 

[Demian]

Loneliness will be an issue that plagues many for an eternity, but I'm here to give some words of encouragement to those willing to listen to an oddball like me.

Neither of us prefer to be lonely — it's why most of us are here. However, could loneliness truly be defined as a bad thing? I can name a few positive things about it...

Your independence. The fact that you're still here; walking, breathing and tackling life head-on is a sign of your strength as an individual. Having friends to reinforce that strength is nice, but do you need them? Look how far you've come on your own. Doesn't matter what you're doing with your life right now. It's all about sustaining it and chasing those dreams you have locked in. If you're still here on this Earth and getting out that bed to face the world alone, then you're strong in my book. Don't ever call your loneliness a weakness, and don't let others encourage that.

Another one: Your time alone gives you the opportunity to realize that you're special. I don't mean special in the negative way, but if people are neglecting to give you a chance to be in their lives, then it means you're too beautiful of a person for them. Don't get me wrong; this isn't narcissism — occasionally, us lonely folk are overshadowed because we're secretly envied to the point of jealousy. We hold strong to our values and goals, even if we have to cry behind the shut door when standing alone to defend them. It hurts to stand alone, but it gives you the time to reflect on yourself and discover your inner majesty.

Oh hey, one more: You already have a friend — You. We can't seem to trust anyone these days, but you know someone who does, don't you? It's the person you talk to the most; yourself. We've got to trust and have faith in ourselves before even considering trusting another; and I'm sure you've got that down already. People may not understand you, but you do. What's more important is what you think, and when you're comfortable with yourself, genuine people in the world will be comfortable with you, too. You may be a lone wolf, but you alone hold so much power. Support yourself as well as any friend could.

Sorry for the ramble, but the strangest desire to post something encouraging on the subject of loneliness — as opposed to posting one about suffering from it — seemed like a nice change of pace. I don't like to see others hurt (I've been reading the topics here), especially from such an emotion that plagues me as well.

One could only dream that we'd have less pain from this. If anything, easing that pain is one of my many goals on the road to become a successful writer. It may be wishful thinking, but it's better than sitting by and allowing it to nibble on us slowly. We've got to embrace that loneliness if we want to ease it, after all.

Godspeed.

I think what you've said really speaks to my loneliness in particular, and something I came to realize over time. It isn't true for all people, but its certainly true for some of us. And I think for at least the two of us, loneliness is something deeper than just not being surrounded by other people we care about, and who care about us in return. It's about a certain distance that we feel we have from other people. A distance that allows us to look at ourselves and the world around us in perhaps a more cold, objective, analytical way.

I'm surrounded by people that I love, and I love myself too, but I feel disconnected from other people and even myself in a fundamental way. As my life unfolds, it feels like its not really my life, but instead like I'm reading it all in a book while I sit on some distant, cold, lifeless planet.

 

[msbxa]

This was a great post LongWolfFang.
I really liked reading it. It was positive way of looking at and accepting something that many of us feel, but so many people view it as such a negative thing.
I wish there were more people that thought like this...
I didn't really care to read much of the replies after the initial post. Because the original post was just great as it is.