Using the internet as a substitute for 'real' friends

[CAS]

I've been doing this excessively recently and I really do think I need to stop it.

I try too hard to make online (women) friends see me as something special, someone different, someone who is misunderstood, someone who could make the perfect partner for them and nine out of ten times they're not remotely bothered or interested in anything I've got to say. They may even view me as weird.

I've been told by someone recently that I'm too angry and bitter for them to ever befriend me and although I didn't show it, I was hurt by the comment.

It all goes back to what my parents have told me so many times. "The internet is no good for making real friends". I put that attitude down to old-fashioned values and fear of modern ways, and I wanted to prove them wrong, but everything I encounter just seems to prove them right.

 

[Steel]

Ok, you use the term "friends" here, but the rest of your post suggests you are looking for more than friends.

As with anywhere, you can't make people see you as you would wish; you can just hope that any offer of friendship is reciprocated. If it isn't then there isn't really anything anyone can do about that.

I'm going to be blunt about the anger and bitterness thing; that is how your posts on this forum come across. Anger and bitterness are not qualities most people admire, and it will severely damage your relationships with other people.

Of course, some people make the mistake of allowing this to make them even more angry and bitter.. which just means they drive people away all the faster. If you can break that cycle then your personal relationships will improve given time.

 

[CAS]

Ok, you use the term "friends" here, but the rest of your post suggests you are looking for more than friends.

As with anywhere, you can't make people see you as you would wish; you can just hope that any offer of friendship is reciprocated. If it isn't then there isn't really anything anyone can do about that.

I'm going to be blunt about the anger and bitterness thing; that is how your posts on this forum come across. Anger and bitterness are not qualities most people admire, and it will severely damage your relationships with other people.

Of course, some people make the mistake of allowing this to make them even more angry and bitter.. which just means they drive people away all the faster. If you can break that cycle then your personal relationships will improve given time.

I appreciate your honesty and respect it.

 

[Coverage]

I cant speak for other people, but in my experience making 'true' friends online usually just doesn't work. You can have people you enjoy chatting with, but in the end it is just two people who have never met each other and probably truly knows next to nothing about each other. I like to think that I'm a nice person to chat online with, yet I cant say that I have any true online friends. No matter how honest you are with the other person, you have no way of knowing if they are the person they make themselves appear to be.

Your effort should be focused more on your real life relationships. In my opinion nothing can come close to replacing a physical relationship with a person that you can actually see, smell, and touch. Even if you were to find a girl on the other side of the earth who likes your online persona, then at the end of the day what do you really have? Would you rather have a girl who likes you for who you are or one who likes you for what you write in emails or chat messages?

 

[Badjedidude]

I sort of agree with both views here.

#1: I think that there can be true friendships on the internet. There are many historical examples of great friendships between two people who never met; just writing letters to one another (OLD-style...through that "post office" thingie). Besides, I have a few online friendships that have been fairly long-lasting and very rewarding. Is it possible that these online friends are lying to me? Yes. Do I really care until it's proven that they are lying? Nope.

#2: I do think that there is a huge potential to misuse or abuse the internet when making friends. That chemical, pheremonal contact that occurs face-to-face just isn't present and that can make it difficult to interact when you're 2,000 miles apart. When someone cries in front of you, asking for your help, it's vastly different than recieving an email with a sad-faced emoticon in it. So there is something missing.

To sum up: While the internet can be a good place to make lasting friends, I think it's wise to keep as many friends as possible in your real life. Nothing beats flesh & bone, says this fellow.

----Steve

 

[h i]

dont do the fake emotion stuff online, like hug, and kiss and stuff... thats lame. cause its not real. but like, just get to know each other. play a video game together its fun. just being there, when you share things, is what forms bonds. come a few months later when no one understands why youre upset about an issue, they will, cause they know you, and all the experiences that led up to it. from there it just builds and builds.

I'm too angry and bitter for them to ever befriend me.

just depends who youre being angry and bitter toward. hate the others, love the one.

 

[Twitchy]

Try not to let frustration get the better of you. If you fall down, pick yourself up and try it again.

Some people have no clue how hard it can be sometimes. Seeing as how I still stumble quite often, I think I have a vague idea.

I hope the world becomes a better place for you soon.

 

[CAS]

Try not to let frustration get the better of you. If you fall down, pick yourself up and try it again.

Some people have no clue how hard it can be sometimes. Seeing as how I still stumble quite often, I think I have a vague idea.

I hope the world becomes a better place for you soon.

Thanks. I'm really not keen on the world at the moment.

 

[Twitchy]

Thanks. I'm really not keen on the world at the moment.

know the feeling...

 

[CAS]

dont do the fake emotion stuff online, like hug, and kiss and stuff... thats lame. cause its not real. but like, just get to know each other. play a video game together its fun. just being there, when you share things, is what forms bonds. come a few months later when no one understands why youre upset about an issue, they will, cause they know you, and all the experiences that led up to it. from there it just builds and builds.

I'm too angry and bitter for them to ever befriend me.

just depends who youre being angry and bitter toward. hate the others, love the one.

I wasn't angry and bitter towards the person in question, but the person in question hated the fact that I was angry and bitter at all.

Just one of those things, I guess. Onwards and upwards.

 

[Chair]

I've not made a friend in real life for years. My only friends these days are online ones.

 

[Mirrorball]

I've not made a friend in real life for years. My only friends these days are online ones.

I know how you feel Chair, although I have made friends at work I only ever speak to them there so it's mostly just accomplices. I went through a period where I thought I would try and see if I could make some local friends on the internet but I kind of learned that its not the easiest or safest thing to do. For all the people I spoke to there probably only about 2 that turned out to be genuinely nice trustworthy people. Thats the big thing about the internet, you can never be 100% sure who you are really talking to and since in real life people rely on reading peoples body language/facial expressions a lot, Its much more difficult. This site could soon change my mind though!

 

[CAS]

I agree with Mirrorball. There's always that element of doubt when talking to someone on the internet. It's no different on here but at least, in theory we're all here for the same reason.

It does become frustrating when you realise you've been a member of the site for over a year and you've only made two friends from it. Hopefully you'll fare better than me.

 

[Badjedidude]

? Well that's two more than you had before! I'd say two friends for the price of a year is pretty good.

----Steve

 

[CAS]

? Well that's two more than you had before! I'd say two friends for the price of a year is pretty good.

----Steve

Glass half full. I like your style.

 

[Mirrorball]

? Well that's two more than you had before! I'd say two friends for the price of a year is pretty good.

----Steve

Agreed. Id rather have a close group of really good friends (like I did in past) than have a big group of friends, many of whom are just acquaintances.

 

[Waddle]

I dont think there is anything wrong with making friends online to be honest, as long as you stay true to yourself and dont try and kid people or yourself that your something you arent. The internet is a fantastic place to meet likeminded people who you may not have a chance to meet when in the street, for example if your a fan of an obscure sport (as I am, I have ZERO friends in real life who I can talk the sports I like with) you can talk/interact with people who like the same things.

It's always important to maintain a "real life" social life of some sorts, even if its just exercise or going to the gym or something, stops you becoming a recluse.