Hello. I'm new to this forum. I know I haven't introduced myself. I'm 21 years old. I'm female. I live in Canada. For the past 3 and a half years. I have been in a long-distance relationship with an American male. We've had a lot of ups and downs. Today, I'm pretty sure our relationship is over.
We're both pretty immature. He finally got his own apartment a couple days ago . I wasn't really too excited about it at first, but it was growing on me. I was mostly nervous, because I felt like he was advancing a lot quicker than I was and I can admit, I was a bit jealous.
When we first met, we were pretty much all each other had. We were both unemployed. I was 17 and he was 19. We both were pretty much loners. We'd spend a good 12+ hours talking to each other every single day. We became each others lives.
I don't really want to get into too much detail about our relationship. Like I said, we had our ups and downs. We were immature and we'd fight about the dumbest things, but we still made it through. At the very least, I can say that we helped each other grow up.
Up until last Christmas, we both didn't have jobs. We wanted to meet really badly, but we got so wrapped up in talking to each other everyday, that we didn't do anything we should have to help make meeting a reality. He got a full time job, starting making friends at work. I was nervous again, but I got used to it. I was just scared I was going to get "replaced", you know? That following February, I also got a full-time job, doing something I never thought I would. My job has helped me get out of my anti-social/social-anxiety state of mind. Money was flowing in for both of us. Our dream of finally meeting, after over 3 years of dating online, looked like it on it's way of becoming a reality. He had plans of getting his own place, so I would have a place to stay when I was ready to come down. Now that's finally happened, and we got into a stupid "fight" about how I wasn't super duper excited about him getting his first place. I hate change. It takes me some time to get used to it, and when I do, I realize things have changed for the better. That's what happened when I got my job. I was so scared of having to force myself to talk to people. I got over the fear, and now I realize that not all people are so bad. Not everyone is judging me and there actually is a lot of really kind people out there.
I already knew I wanted to spend my life with him. (I know. We've never met.) We talked about who would be willing to move where and we decided that it would be best if we both visited each other's countries, to get a feel of things. I would be more than willing to move where he is. Not just because I'm "so in luuuv, I'd do anything 2 b wif him. lul." But because of where he's from. People seem more friendly and even before I met him, I knew I wanted to visit the state he lives in. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to me, moving there because I don't really have a lot of friends, and I don't get along with my family very much. And I know I'd be accepted by him and everyone he knows.
During our fight today, I felt as though he was trying to say I was trying to control him. Like, I didn't want him to get his own place because I didn't want him to be successful or "better" than me, which isn't the case at all. I'm actually really, really happy for him. I'm so happy that he's "moving on up", that he's made friends, has a full-time job. Doesn't seem like such a big deal, seeing as he is 23 now. Might actually make him seem like a loser, because it took that long, or whatever. But I don't care. I'm happy he "got out". I'm happy he didn't have to suffer the way I did, with making friends and being so afraid of the world. I'm still not out on my own at 21, because I don't make that much money and I've plans to go to school. I still live at home so I can save my money and go. Which isn't too far off in the future. I'm so happy he's not afraid anymore the way I still am.
Still, I'm mad. I'm mad because he thinks I'm trying to ruin him or hold him back. It's so not true! I'm just one of those types that gets scared when things change. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to warm up to and get used to things. I'm mad because, from what I can tell, our relationship is over, over a misunderstanding. Which happened a lot during our relationships. I'm the type of person who gets really upset and frustrated when I am misunderstood, and it just makes it so much worse when it's someone I love and care for, so much, whose misunderstanding me. Just because we have disagreements or.... things aren't 100% perfect all the time, our relationship has to end over it? I hate it. I'm not some demon dragon-lady whose out to ruin and crush my boyfriend's goals and dreams. I'm still a scared stupid kid. I can admit that. I can understand if someone reads this and thinks I'm a idiot. I know I've got some work I need to do on myself, but I'm farther ahead then I was even 6 months ago. I have goals, I have dreams. I'm not who I really want to be yet.
He told me he'd "get in touch" with me after he's ready to talk. Cool. But now I'm blocked and deleted off his facebook. I don't know what that means. To me, this wasn't some stupid internet relationship that was bond to fail, or some puppy-love bull****. This was so real to me. I saw so much potential in what we had. I know, 3 years is a really long time to date someone without ever meeting. I know we messed around way too long and we should of grew up faster and realized what we needed to do to make us a reality. And we were almost there. Sooo close and now I'm so sure it's over, over something so stupid. This is something that drives me insane. I believe that every single relationship has the power to work if people put their pride aside and talk things through. That's something he never wanted to do. I was always the demon-lady, out to kill and destroy everything. Which, if we actually sat down and talked it out, like adults, he'd realize that wasn't the case at all. But of course, things get out of control, people get angry and say honeysuckle just to hurt others. Things seem way worse than they actually are.
I don't really know what drove me to post this. I've been poking around this site for awhile now. Kinda scared to post anything. I guess I'm hoping this will help others who are in a similar situation. Or maybe it'll help to see an outside view on the matter. This was a man I adored. We were extremely close and I considered him my best friend for the longest time. I just wish we could of done everything we wanted to do. I wish people wouldn't give up so easily on something that would of been so great.
After our little fight, I went outside and had a couple cigarettes. I came back and noticed I was removed off facebook and everything. It scared me. I was shaking the whole time I wrote this. He said he'd get in touch, but with removing and blocking me, it pretty much says "I don't want to talk to you again." I guess I'll know in a few days if that really is the case. I hope someone who can relate reads this. If you're in a long distance relationship, and if it's really important to you, please don't give up. People meet online all the time now and they make it through and they're so happy. I think it makes a relationship so more special that way. The waiting, finally meeting your love.. doing everything you can to make "us" a possibility...
Anyway. For those who've sat and read this all, thank you for listening.
We're both pretty immature. He finally got his own apartment a couple days ago . I wasn't really too excited about it at first, but it was growing on me. I was mostly nervous, because I felt like he was advancing a lot quicker than I was and I can admit, I was a bit jealous.
When we first met, we were pretty much all each other had. We were both unemployed. I was 17 and he was 19. We both were pretty much loners. We'd spend a good 12+ hours talking to each other every single day. We became each others lives.
I don't really want to get into too much detail about our relationship. Like I said, we had our ups and downs. We were immature and we'd fight about the dumbest things, but we still made it through. At the very least, I can say that we helped each other grow up.
Up until last Christmas, we both didn't have jobs. We wanted to meet really badly, but we got so wrapped up in talking to each other everyday, that we didn't do anything we should have to help make meeting a reality. He got a full time job, starting making friends at work. I was nervous again, but I got used to it. I was just scared I was going to get "replaced", you know? That following February, I also got a full-time job, doing something I never thought I would. My job has helped me get out of my anti-social/social-anxiety state of mind. Money was flowing in for both of us. Our dream of finally meeting, after over 3 years of dating online, looked like it on it's way of becoming a reality. He had plans of getting his own place, so I would have a place to stay when I was ready to come down. Now that's finally happened, and we got into a stupid "fight" about how I wasn't super duper excited about him getting his first place. I hate change. It takes me some time to get used to it, and when I do, I realize things have changed for the better. That's what happened when I got my job. I was so scared of having to force myself to talk to people. I got over the fear, and now I realize that not all people are so bad. Not everyone is judging me and there actually is a lot of really kind people out there.
I already knew I wanted to spend my life with him. (I know. We've never met.) We talked about who would be willing to move where and we decided that it would be best if we both visited each other's countries, to get a feel of things. I would be more than willing to move where he is. Not just because I'm "so in luuuv, I'd do anything 2 b wif him. lul." But because of where he's from. People seem more friendly and even before I met him, I knew I wanted to visit the state he lives in. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to me, moving there because I don't really have a lot of friends, and I don't get along with my family very much. And I know I'd be accepted by him and everyone he knows.
During our fight today, I felt as though he was trying to say I was trying to control him. Like, I didn't want him to get his own place because I didn't want him to be successful or "better" than me, which isn't the case at all. I'm actually really, really happy for him. I'm so happy that he's "moving on up", that he's made friends, has a full-time job. Doesn't seem like such a big deal, seeing as he is 23 now. Might actually make him seem like a loser, because it took that long, or whatever. But I don't care. I'm happy he "got out". I'm happy he didn't have to suffer the way I did, with making friends and being so afraid of the world. I'm still not out on my own at 21, because I don't make that much money and I've plans to go to school. I still live at home so I can save my money and go. Which isn't too far off in the future. I'm so happy he's not afraid anymore the way I still am.
Still, I'm mad. I'm mad because he thinks I'm trying to ruin him or hold him back. It's so not true! I'm just one of those types that gets scared when things change. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to warm up to and get used to things. I'm mad because, from what I can tell, our relationship is over, over a misunderstanding. Which happened a lot during our relationships. I'm the type of person who gets really upset and frustrated when I am misunderstood, and it just makes it so much worse when it's someone I love and care for, so much, whose misunderstanding me. Just because we have disagreements or.... things aren't 100% perfect all the time, our relationship has to end over it? I hate it. I'm not some demon dragon-lady whose out to ruin and crush my boyfriend's goals and dreams. I'm still a scared stupid kid. I can admit that. I can understand if someone reads this and thinks I'm a idiot. I know I've got some work I need to do on myself, but I'm farther ahead then I was even 6 months ago. I have goals, I have dreams. I'm not who I really want to be yet.
He told me he'd "get in touch" with me after he's ready to talk. Cool. But now I'm blocked and deleted off his facebook. I don't know what that means. To me, this wasn't some stupid internet relationship that was bond to fail, or some puppy-love bull****. This was so real to me. I saw so much potential in what we had. I know, 3 years is a really long time to date someone without ever meeting. I know we messed around way too long and we should of grew up faster and realized what we needed to do to make us a reality. And we were almost there. Sooo close and now I'm so sure it's over, over something so stupid. This is something that drives me insane. I believe that every single relationship has the power to work if people put their pride aside and talk things through. That's something he never wanted to do. I was always the demon-lady, out to kill and destroy everything. Which, if we actually sat down and talked it out, like adults, he'd realize that wasn't the case at all. But of course, things get out of control, people get angry and say honeysuckle just to hurt others. Things seem way worse than they actually are.
I don't really know what drove me to post this. I've been poking around this site for awhile now. Kinda scared to post anything. I guess I'm hoping this will help others who are in a similar situation. Or maybe it'll help to see an outside view on the matter. This was a man I adored. We were extremely close and I considered him my best friend for the longest time. I just wish we could of done everything we wanted to do. I wish people wouldn't give up so easily on something that would of been so great.
After our little fight, I went outside and had a couple cigarettes. I came back and noticed I was removed off facebook and everything. It scared me. I was shaking the whole time I wrote this. He said he'd get in touch, but with removing and blocking me, it pretty much says "I don't want to talk to you again." I guess I'll know in a few days if that really is the case. I hope someone who can relate reads this. If you're in a long distance relationship, and if it's really important to you, please don't give up. People meet online all the time now and they make it through and they're so happy. I think it makes a relationship so more special that way. The waiting, finally meeting your love.. doing everything you can to make "us" a possibility...
Anyway. For those who've sat and read this all, thank you for listening.