Venturing outside my comfort zone.

[constant stranger]

OK this probably isn't that big of a deal to a lot of people, but I dread speaking to groups in an organized, preplanned context.....if I'm asked about a subject I'm fond of, spontaneously, no problem. But when there's a scheduled event, a date to anticipate and prepare for, I am agonized as the date approaches.

One of my few regular social contacts is the county extension service, where I volunteer: planting trees, pruning them, weeding, go-fer labor at the state fair....love it! But once a month we all meet and take turns doing some kind of educational program...just among ourselves...not the public, and it's voluntary too. So I usually duck out of doing it, you know, look away, look down, avoid eye contact when the request comes: "Who's gonna do next months program?"

But there's only about a dozen or fifteen of us so eventually everyone gets a turn.....mine was this month....last night.
It went OK. I did a twenty minute talk on building and maintaining soils for sustainable gardening.
These people know me. They know I avoid the public education part of the 'master gardener' movement and compensate by doing extra with the in-the-soil part. And I got a lot of positive feedback after the meeting.

So it went OK. And now I'm second guessing everyone's motives on the positive feedback: Like 'how condescending can they be?' or 'they must really be laughing it up now' or 'oh wow, I was totally stammering and stumbling for words'

We're talking about total paranoia on my part....it's ridiculous!

 

[Minus]

That can be very difficult but it sounds like you did great

 

[MTrip]

Great job, stranger. I understand it...having a bunch of people staring at you the whole time can be unnerving. You have courage, sir!

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think you should be proud of yourself and try not to consider whether or not people have some sort of motive for offering feedback. It was positive, so just accept that you did well and be happy.

 

[constant stranger]

Thank you, people. Of course you're right. I hit a home run! Kicked one through the goal posts!

And in any case, I'm off the hook for another half year or so.....

 

[Sci-Fi]

Ugh I know what you mean, I hate that too. But you did it and got it done and lived through it. So, not so bad after all. Congrats

 

[Veruca]

I think congratulations are in order. Hey, regardless of what others are thinking, and they probably aren't thinking anything negative because it did go OK at the very least, what matters is that you did something that was a challenge for you. You should be very proud of yourself!

Also its so great that you're doing voluntary work!

 

[Badjedidude]

Trust me when I say that many of the best and most well-known public speakers had problems speaking in front of crowds when they were younger -- the same sort of anxiety, paranoia, second-guessing, etc that you've mentioned.

Keep your head up, trust in your capabilities, and don't shy away from more opportunities to speak in public. The more you do it, the better you'll be at it and in the long run you'll feel much more comfortable with it.