Very low point in life

[ActingRogue]

I consider myself a really strong person, but I'm at a very low point in my life.

I come from a small town and I am an only child. I moved away to go to college and came back for one year so I could save money to move to Los Angeles and pursue my dream of acting. It was a terrible year. The economy made it impossible to find a job, especially living an hour from the nearest city, and when I did find jobs , I made no money or the places closed down shortly after. Regardless, I made it to LA. I've been living there the past two year and really came into myself. I am very close with my parents, but they are both very antisocial people and I had assumed I was as well until I made amazing friends in LA, and I realized I'm actually a very outgoing person.

But it got to the point where I was working dead-end jobs (I'm a very ambitious person, so that alone took it's toll on me) and not getting any acting work even though I made major connections. I was also slowly falling into debt. I decided to leave LA, pay off my debt, and go to Grad School. I have been living with my parents in my small hometown now for two weeks and I am miserable. I don't think leaving LA was the wrong thing to do, but acting really was my dream. It's all I've ever wanted to do with my life, and I've abandoned my dream at the age of 25 (just had a birthday, which didn't help). I feel like a failure and worthless. I don't know anyone in the state anymore, and it's still hard to find a job, so I have no way of meeting anyone new. I can't really afford to do things until I find a source of income.

My parents love me very much, and I them, but we are very different people and have lived very different lives. They do anything in their power to support me, and I'm very lucky, but in this situation they simply can't. What I'm going through is a blind spot for them, and they just have no way of understanding no matter how much I try to explain.

My whole life people have told me I'm smart, talented, and special. That I had a bright future and could do almost anything I wanted to. And I believed them. But now I feel like I've already failed at life. I'm reluctant to even try anything else, becasue honestly, my heart is broken. I feel broken. Maybe no matter how hard I try, I'll just live a lifetime of failure and end up poor and alone with nothing to point to and be proud of.

Thanks for reading. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I wanted to get it out, even if it's just in binary somewhere.

 

[Asterli]

It seems I'm the first person to react and I can feel with you. I felt the same as you at certain points of my life and I still want to get away from it all. I want to pursue my dreams as well and I'm working hard for it to accomplish where I want to go.

I have a dream and that is to study again. Get a masters degree and settle down. I live in the Netherlands but I want to study in Germany. I can't help it but this place is getting on my nerves because I see this country slowly decaying (but thats a whole other issue). I don't want to say that Germany is better but I like to be a stranger in a strange place. Then I feel at home.

So, now I'm working (not in the area that I studied in) and I need money to pay for my study. I'm well under way but I need to get through it for my own. What I'm trying to say is, that you have to do certain things that you don't like to accomplish where you want to be. You say you like acting. You've started studying again which is a plus and you want to work. Raise money with a job when your studying or when you have finished and return to your passion. Or, you can just do it at the same time but only on a lower scale. Maybe you will find happiness in it you have lost again.

Good luck!