Went to my bro's grad...so many beautiful girls...just destroyed my self-esteem.

[beautifulsorrow]

Go easy on yourself, maybe if we keep imposing a horrible image on ourselves we actually do become horrible y'know. For example this "And then I hate myself even more for being so selfish and conceited. ):" If you're imposing that image on yourself then you won't do anything to change it because you don't actually feel you are selfish and conceited but if you do actually FEEL you are selfish and conceited then you can quite easily change that and stop being that. It looks to me like you're imposing these images/opinions on yourself and that has a much greater impact on your self esteem, hopefully if you can work on those things you might stop feeling anything when you see other "attractive" women, I believe this is the case with everyone feeling that way. : )

 

[Peaches]

I am sure you are beautiful too, but in any case

one quote from Coco Chanel that will live through the ages:

"there are no ugly women, only lazy ones"

and this, I found quite comforting

http://www.nerve.com/news/love-sex/okcupid-determines-ugly-women-get-more-guys-than-pretty-ones

 

[frey12]

Dear Luna,

Please go read "Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf.

Sincerely,

Frey12

 

[spectacles]

Luna, I completely understand what u say. I felt really identified with ur post, the world out there can be cruel.

Hugs

 

[Anonymous Rex]

I'm going to disagree with a few guys and say I quite like the 'superficial' type of look in a woman - glossy hair, high heels, smooth skin, etc.

BUT...

I think the most attractive qualities are the human ones - a warm smile, the hint of shyness in the face, either self-confident body language or, if she's a bit shy, the cuteness of slightly nervous fidgeting or a slight mumble.

As well as that, these women almost certainly don't look as good/fake (depending on your taste) six days a week - odds are that for one night out/one special occasion in a while, they'll put extra effort in, otherwise will look relatively ordinary.

Of the three women in the opening photo, the most attractive feature any of the three of them have, to me, is the blond girl's smile - and that's more in how her personality and self-confidence comes across than her physical features.

 

[Thomas]]

Just tell me I'm stupid, useless, dumb...
Might as well.
You all give me advice over and over, but I still can't help myself. ):

On the contrary, I think you seem really smart and kind. Your writing is so introspective and thoughtful, and you've clearly really thought a lot about yourself and people around you. I don't think that can constitute "dumbness" : )

I really identified with the things you've written also.. I am very self aware and self critical of myself. In my dreams, I sometimes see myself in a mirror. But when I turn, my reflection doesn't. It just stares at me seriously.. Very odd and kind of creepy!, and scares the hell out of me. But i think it really symbolises my inner thoughts always judging and slapping me on the wrists for doing things wrong.

You seem so kind and thoughtful; don't hate yourself! : (. Be happy with who you are cos you got every right to be : )

 

[Frozentime]

I'm going to give you a male perspective of all of this. I'm going to be honest, some girls have it and others don't. Although the women in the pictures may have some implants or whatever they are hot. Now any guy on this forum telling you they aren't attracted to those girls are lying. They are physically/ sexually attractive, no doubt, but who is to say they are a better person then you? They could be stuck up girls, rude, vile, or straight out bitches under that pretty face. what matters is character and how you present yourself. You have to be comfortable with who you are before anyone can be comfortable with you. Just because they are better looking than you should not hurt you in anyway if you are comfortable with yourself and have confidence. That is what matters really not just looks unless the relationship is purely sexual. Be who you are, be confident, and don't give up. A majority of guys are superficial and judge on looks so you have to keep looking until you find someone who is not like that. Maybe I got a little off topic but I hope this helps a little.

 

[Thomas]]

Now any guy on this forum telling you they aren't attracted to those girls are lying.

...

 

[petrovchanka]

Ok, so you don't want to hear all of the things you suspect we'll tell you. Cool. I can respect that. I can also acknowledge the fact that I've felt exactly the way you've felt about the matter...and while I could say, f*ck it, don't compare yourself to them...fact of the matter is...we all do it.

Here's a question - would you be willing to vamp it up like those women? ANYONE can look like those women. ANYONE...so long as they invest the time and money and energy into looking a certain way. I don't know you're size...and it's irrelevant to the general point I am going to make...the hardest thing would be to lose any weight, etc. to get a body like any one of those girls. Again, I am not suggesting you're a certain size...I am trying to say that it's relatively easy to achieve their look...yeah, it'll take trips to the salon, trips to the mall, an augmentation, and some practice applying makeup...but it can be done.

Does that like an avenue you'd considering pursuing so as to not feel so bad about yourself when comparing those girls to you? Curious.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

None of those 3 girls are sexy at all.

 

[cicerolion]

Yeah, that's tough. I'm a man, and probably in bit of a different situation because a lot of my physical flaws have to do with illness. However, its a tough thing to deal with. First comes the realization that people treat you so differently depending on your image. Not even a whole nice/mean or attracted/unattractive divergence, people literally are unwilling to see you as being you. If you knew me well, and then proceeded to interview most people who I've been acquainted with, you would see that how they describe me is completely different from who I actually am. Attractive people are typically afforded the right to claim a wider diversity of personality traits, where as the less attractive are pigeonholed. So, the idea of letting your personality shine through has a lot of caveats. Then, there comes the important issue of how you see yourself. We all grew up in comparable culture, so we still have similar schema and archetypes. Just because you are unattractive, doesn't mean that you don't see attractiveness the same way. Sure, we grow stronger compassion from our struggles, but we are still human. At the end of the day, what gets me the most is not that other people see me as unfuckable, its that I see myself that way.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Here is an example of a woman I would define as very, very attractive:

It's the way she has an attractive and gentle and open, pretty face, but has decency enough to cover up. It's an example of someone who I would think might be a freak in bed, but I'd like to discover that for myself!

The problem with these three women is that they are throwing all of their sexiness out there. It makes me, as a guy (and this is coming from a male perspective), think that they are insecure, and are trying to show "me" that their attractiveness is all they have going for them. No thanks. I know that is stereotyping, but I'd be less likely to talk to you if you were dressed with your boobs hanging out, and not showing any sense of individuality. If I were looking for someone to have free, no connection sex, maybe, but not if I desired a relationship. Then I'd want someone who had more going for them.

 

[9006]

The term 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' has never been so true, it's purely a perspective thing, and because of this there will ALWAYS be disagreement.

If you think these chicks are beautiful then that's your deal, but to dwell on the fact that you're probably not as "celebrity" as them therefore wouldn't be attractive to them is just stupid.

*shrugs*

 

[newguy]

Honestly to me your only ugly if your a mean person. I have yet failed to be attracted to a nice woman no matter how she looked. Honestly though women that attractive from societies view are stupid, shallow, mean, and boring. That's why they go for the equally shallow boring guys with six packs etc. I would prefer to go with a girl that treats me good - then girls like that.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That is really kind of judgmental. Some of the nicest women have been conventionally attractive, and some of the meanest have been conventionally ugly.

The people who are beautiful on the inside are the ones who change the world for the better.

 

[newguy]

That is really kind of judgmental. Some of the nicest women have been conventionally attractive, and some of the meanest have been conventionally ugly.

The people who are beautiful on the inside are the ones who change the world for the better.

Your right - it wasn't really a helpful response even though I was trying to help.

I apologize, I haven't had a good couple of days. Sorry...

 

[petrovchanka]

Luna, I thought of you today after the evening I had...

Have a friend who got married in Mexico. She and her husband threw a backyard reception when they returned...and a friend of their's (at the wedding) told them that he'd like to meet me.

Fast forward 10 days and the four of us went out for drinks...

The guy that wanted to "meet me" spent most of the night drooling over my friend's fake breasts...and how could any one not have their eyes glued to them...after all, the dress she was wearing was so low cut that there was a point where there was a nipple slip later in the evening.

Something like this scenario (in the past) would've paralyzed me with feelings of inadequacy. While I am not at that point today, don't think for a second I haven't been trying to "rationalize" this all day today.

"That's how people are...they stare" and "I'm not mad at my friend...she goes to such great lengths to BE stared at...whereas I try to avoid being looked at" or "Men are men" (no offense to men...again, I am trying to rationalize this every which way).

I guess I am just tired of things like this happening to me. Ladies (and maybe some gentlemen out there) you may feel the same. When I say, "happening to me", I mean a blatant disregard/disrespect. "Why the f*ck am on this "date"? Why do I have to be witness to this guy drooling over my friend when it was supposedly me he wanted to meet?"

Am I ever going to be that desired? I don't feel super great about myself today...but I am a long ways away from feeling down in the gutter.

Point being, Luna...you may always feel a certain way about the issue of looks and women who look a certain way...but the pain gets duller and duller with time. Still hurts...but it will dull.

 

[Superfly47]

Women who get implants, fake tans and dress very provocatively, most likely due so because of very low self-esteem. They value their happiness in large part based on how much attention they get from guys. Their self-esteem can drop any moment if better looking or more provocatively dressed women pass by.

Its the great, fulfilling life other women think it is.

 

[Iceman1978]

It's hard for me to be around beautiful women because for me it's a painful reminder of what I will never have.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Judging by your picture, you could be a model. You can have it, Iceman.