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Lonely. Very lonely. Strangely because I'm afraid my parents won't let me see some friends for a day during the holidays. Probably overthinking it again, but ugh.
 
You can try to hide or disguise something. You can cover it up, put a mask on it, paint it another color or call it by another name.
The only problem is that it's still emitting that certain something, and will call to those who can sense it. Chemistry can't usually be hidden.
 
I feel nothing, for a long time now. It's either nothing or hurt. They take turns.
I hope this is just a phase cos it feels like it's permanent.
I think I deserve better than that, at the very least. I can't believe how one could just... change in that way.
I remember what it was like to feel so much emotion before this, but I don't remember feeling so deeply numbed to this extent.

TheSkaFish said:
missing that girl, and our meandering, all-night conversations into the wee hours of the morning and all the sweet things she would say - how she said she wanted to hear me on the phone, how she wanted to have adventures with me that made me, as she said "forget what an olllllldddd man you are", with a smile. logging on to facebook to find she'd written me even though she knew i wasnt there, to tell me she wished i were closer. "Like a fish who climbs trees. You're so alive. Don't lose that. It makes me happy talking to you."

even more worried about my dog, though he is still acts playful and perky, still goes for walks, still loves to eat, would steal food if we let him and even gained weight. and even at 11 he still loves to growl at other dogs, he still wants to show them who's boss. i always say he could walk for miles if only there is another dog half a block ahead. it's not good behavior i know, especially for a Golden. but i just like seeing him act like a puppy, i like seeing him refuse to quit.

his presence really makes me feel better. its very soothing, even when im out with friends and he is at home, just knowing he is there. im trying to stay in the present but i just dread thinking about life without him.

basically those two things have been the story of my whole year.
Click to expand...

Sorry you're still dealing with these issues, Ska. And I have Boomer in my thoughts and I'll keep wishing the best for his health.
 
Forgot to call my mum again. Which of course means she called me instead to ask me if I'm okay and if how my weekend was. Well, what do you it was like? It was nothing. Empty as usual. What am I supposed to say? I don't want to talk, cause I have nothing to say. You know **** well I'm just sitting around in my apartment cause I need some goddam peace of mind...and this is the only place to which I can escape to.

Sigh...I remember that I actually thought about calling her a few hours ago, but I just postponed it until I stopped caring. I didn't want to know what she and my dad did on the weekend either and what appointments both of them have this upcoming week. What a ******* awful son I am. And my grandpa's birthday is tomorrow and I have to give him a call as well...I think I don't mind that actually. It will be short...if only I didn't feel so screwed up.

Oh wait, there's even more honeysuckle, but I'm sick of myself talking for now.
Only one thing left to turn this day into a complete pile of honeysuckle...
 
ladyforsaken said:
I feel nothing, for a long time now. It's either nothing or hurt. They take turns.
I hope this is just a phase cos it feels like it's permanent.
I think I deserve better than that, at the very least. I can't believe how one could just... change in that way.
I remember what it was like to feel so much emotion before this, but I don't remember feeling so deeply numbed to this extent.

TheSkaFish said:
missing that girl, and our meandering, all-night conversations into the wee hours of the morning and all the sweet things she would say - how she said she wanted to hear me on the phone, how she wanted to have adventures with me that made me, as she said "forget what an olllllldddd man you are", with a smile. logging on to facebook to find she'd written me even though she knew i wasnt there, to tell me she wished i were closer. "Like a fish who climbs trees. You're so alive. Don't lose that. It makes me happy talking to you."

even more worried about my dog, though he is still acts playful and perky, still goes for walks, still loves to eat, would steal food if we let him and even gained weight. and even at 11 he still loves to growl at other dogs, he still wants to show them who's boss. i always say he could walk for miles if only there is another dog half a block ahead. it's not good behavior i know, especially for a Golden. but i just like seeing him act like a puppy, i like seeing him refuse to quit.

his presence really makes me feel better. its very soothing, even when im out with friends and he is at home, just knowing he is there. im trying to stay in the present but i just dread thinking about life without him.

basically those two things have been the story of my whole year.
Click to expand...

Sorry you're still dealing with these issues, Ska. And I have Boomer in my thoughts and I'll keep wishing the best for his health.
Click to expand...

@Lady - When we feel this way, we tend to think it's permanent. It will pass in time. Hang in there dear. *hugs*

@SkaFish - Pretty much what Lady said. I know how you feel. I still keep worrying about my cats. *hugs*

Rodent said:
Forgot to call my mum again. Which of course means she called me instead to ask me if I'm okay and if how my weekend was. Well, what do you it was like? It was nothing. Empty as usual. What am I supposed to say? I don't want to talk, cause I have nothing to say. You know **** well I'm just sitting around in my apartment cause I need some goddam peace of mind...and this is the only place to which I can escape to.

Sigh...I remember that I actually thought about calling her a few hours ago, but I just postponed it until I stopped caring. I didn't want to know what she and my dad did on the weekend either and what appointments both of them have this upcoming week. What a ******* awful son I am. And my grandpa's birthday is tomorrow and I have to give him a call as well...I think I don't mind that actually. It will be short...if only I didn't feel so screwed up.

Oh wait, there's even more honeysuckle, but I'm sick of myself talking for now.
Only one thing left to turn this day into a complete pile of honeysuckle...
Click to expand...

*Hugs*
 
Despair. Not making as much progress as I'd hope on studying for this exam.

I think I took the wrong approach.
 
I don't want to go today. I think they will say I haven't tried hard enough. Maybe I could have done more. At least it's early so I can get it over and done with.
 
Mr Seal The Albatros said:
@Lady - When we feel this way, we tend to think it's permanent. It will pass in time. Hang in there dear. *hugs*
Click to expand...

Thanks, Seal. *hugs*

However, it truly does feel like there is something more permanently damaged this time.

I've tried different things to feel better, it's been weeks now.. more than a month or two of feeling this way.. it's just not happening.

EveWasFramed said:
Did I really cut five inches of my hair off today? Yes, yes I did. *facepalm*
Click to expand...

That's a whole lot. :0
 
lonelyfairy said:
I won't be smart enough for university.
Click to expand...

I thought the same before, but it's not so bad when you get used to it. I hope things turn out alright over there. :)

ladyforsaken said:
Mr Seal The Albatros said:
@Lady - When we feel this way, we tend to think it's permanent. It will pass in time. Hang in there dear. *hugs*
Click to expand...

Thanks, Seal. *hugs*

However, it truly does feel like there is something more permanently damaged this time.

I've tried different things to feel better, it's been weeks now.. more than a month or two of feeling this way.. it's just not happening.
Click to expand...

If this about the bruises, have you seen a doctor for it yet? Might be a good idea to get it checked out before it can get worse.

If you're feeling sad, as someone who (may have) felt the way you are, I'm going to say hang in there. It DOES pass. Yes, it does take a while, but in time, it does.
 

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