Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away. Maybe if I continue to tune the pain out, it will eventually feel normal. Maybe if I live my life as normally as I can, it actually will be. *shrugs*
I think not being around the forum as much hasn't really helped me stay as positive as I should. But it's so hard to be there for others when I can't even be 100% on my own. I'm just not in the right frame of mind for this. I hope people here would understand if I take ages to respond to messages. I just feel so incapable right now.
Though I am thankful for the clients and colleagues who have been so understanding and supportive towards me me even in my worst moments in the past week or so. It's so hard to keep up with the forum now, let alone the reality in my own life. Things are happening even IF I "take care" of myself. So I don't know what to do really.
So tired of being probed all over. So tired of the hours of waiting and the agony of it all. I just want to live, is that so hard or too much to ask for? I fight so much just to live, and yet there are people out there who aren't exactly fighting for their life yet they don't appreciate what they have or the people around them or they just don't even care. Saddens me.. I don't ever want to be like that.
They say I'm a brave and strong person.. truthfully, I'm not either of those. Like I said.. I'm mostly just faking it to make it.
I know how you feel. Nobody came to my graduation. Everyone else had people cheering for them, and it was totally silent when my name was called. I hope you manage to enjoy it anyway.
