What are you thinking right now?

[mountainvista]

The weather has people scared. A lot of No Shows today, so the day isn't flying by as quickly as might. Meh

 

[user 115627]

Thanks for the encouraging and insightful words from all of you...sigh, perception is an awfully subjective thing.

I don't think my personal gilded cage situation will ever cease to be. I value my safety and my apparent hard shell too much for this. And I don't want to return to my former weak state which always made me feel like an easy mark. I have to learn to appreciate this locked-down state of mine without going overboard. I know I got some kindness buried deep inside of me and it shouldn't be a bad thing that it surfaces every now and then - as long as it happens in the company of the right people.

And Rosebolt, for the record: I find serial killers to be quite fascinating individuals as well - on a psychological level of course. I certainly agree that there's a certain beauty to morbidity and the mind of the insane. I don't even find the word beauty misplaced here. We all know it's in the eye of the beholder.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sigh, I have an appt on Wednesday. I go from never going to the doctor to going every 3 months. Can I go back to not going to doctors again?

 

[jd7]

Sweet. Three-hour notice that I'm on-call for the next 7 days @ 24 hours. Good looking out, Fucknuts.

---

In other news, six minutes on the eliptical and 10 reps of bench press...and I fell asleep on the bench for 15 minutes from the endorphines. haha

then, dips, chinups, pullups, weighted squats, knee-ups, roman chair, obliques...whole body shaking

 

[Rosebolt]

And Rosebolt, for the record: I find serial killers to be quite fascinating individuals as well - on a psychological level of course. I certainly agree that there's a certain beauty to morbidity and the mind of the insane. I don't even find the word beauty misplaced here. We all know it's in the eye of the beholder.

I'm glad we can agree on that.

 

[Peaches]

wow, to get some money for christmas from my uncle in my bank account is great, but maybe a note, how are you doing, one single word, "happy holidays, we love you"? in the last - two years? nope
Oh yes, on the usual 30 seconds christmas phone call he said: sorry I was too busy to answer to your emails - again, for 2 years?

Maybe I ask too much of people

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Thinking so maybe that's my role right now...and although it involves no self interest... I'm glad I have it.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I need a shave; i'm looking unkempt

 

[Solivagant]

Nobody would care.

 

[user 108508]

sleepy....

 

[mountainvista]

Do I dare say anything - and risk looking like a fool, or just sit, saying nothing and let time pass in the hopes that the twinges will pass?

---

I just decided to say "fresia it" and go to bed. When I turned on the space heater, the temp in my bedroom read 55F. Holy honeysuckle. That's what having three poorly insulated exterior walls in this room in this old house will get you. Hypothermia.

I do love this space heater though. That was an awesome gift.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, sometimes you really just want to say hi to guests and be polite and not have it be made into some big conspiracy where it's going to be taken all out of proportion and be seen as a plot to poison the guest against your brother. Was just trying not to be rude and ignore a guest, good grief. :l

And no, I did not in fact talk to your Ex about you. You made that up in your own head.

You didn't even make any sense when you were trying to explain why you were angry at me. Your sentences were missing words and your eyes looked really freaking weird. I think you were on something.

…

Why do people always flip out on me and it always ends up not being my fault?

Oh and when I suggest that you try to be nice for a change and ask you when was the last time you did something for me, you tell me that's not the point. Well if you're afraid that i'm going to tell your exes that you aren't a nice person….then you are running from the truth…because you are nothing but rude and mean to me. You could try being nice for a change. It might even kill you.

Your threat about keeping your friends away from me is pathetic. You don't even introduce your friends to me, you never have, and then one of your friends actually acts like I exist and you lose your honeysuckle. I'm losing nothing by you saying you won't introduce your girlfriends or friends to me. Mom didn't even want to interpret that last bit when I said I wasn't losing anything.

I just checked facebook to see how much I said to your ex. I sent her about 5 lines. NOTHING to do with me talking smack about you.

What the fresia.

 

[jd7]

You know, sometimes you really just want to say hi to guests and be polite and not have it be made into some big conspiracy where it's going to be taken all out of proportion and be seen as a plot to poison the guest against your brother. Was just trying not to be rude and ignore a guest, good grief. :l

And no, I did not in fact talk to your Ex about you. You made that up in your own head.

You didn't even make any sense when you were trying to explain why you were angry at me. Your sentences were missing words and your eyes looked really freaking weird. I think you were on something.

…

Why do people always flip out on me and it always ends up not being my fault?

Oh and when I suggest that you try to be nice for a change and ask you when was the last time you did something for me, you tell me that's not the point. Well if you're afraid that i'm going to tell your exes that you aren't a nice person….then you are running from the truth…because you are nothing but rude and mean to me. You could try being nice for a change. It might even kill you.

Your threat about keeping your friends away from me is pathetic. You don't even introduce your friends to me, you never have, and then one of your friends actually acts like I exist and you lose your honeysuckle. I'm losing nothing by you saying you won't introduce your girlfriends or friends to me. Mom didn't even want to interpret that last bit when I said I wasn't losing anything.

I just checked facebook to see how much I said to your ex. I sent her about 5 lines. NOTHING to do with me talking smack about you.

What the fresia.

Oh snap! Drama! Gotta love it, ey? :club:

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, sometimes you really just want to say hi to guests and be polite and not have it be made into some big conspiracy where it's going to be taken all out of proportion and be seen as a plot to poison the guest against your brother. Was just trying not to be rude and ignore a guest, good grief. :l

And no, I did not in fact talk to your Ex about you. You made that up in your own head.

You didn't even make any sense when you were trying to explain why you were angry at me. Your sentences were missing words and your eyes looked really freaking weird. I think you were on something.

…

Why do people always flip out on me and it always ends up not being my fault?

Oh and when I suggest that you try to be nice for a change and ask you when was the last time you did something for me, you tell me that's not the point. Well if you're afraid that i'm going to tell your exes that you aren't a nice person….then you are running from the truth…because you are nothing but rude and mean to me. You could try being nice for a change. It might even kill you.

Your threat about keeping your friends away from me is pathetic. You don't even introduce your friends to me, you never have, and then one of your friends actually acts like I exist and you lose your honeysuckle. I'm losing nothing by you saying you won't introduce your girlfriends or friends to me. Mom didn't even want to interpret that last bit when I said I wasn't losing anything.

I just checked facebook to see how much I said to your ex. I sent her about 5 lines. NOTHING to do with me talking smack about you.

What the fresia.

Oh snap! Drama! Gotta love it, ey? :club:

And all I wanted to do was not be rude and say hi to a guest. Not like I wanted friendship or anything involving communication beyond that point in time.

Good grief.

Sorry, there's steam coming out of my ears right now.

The argument happened after the guest left the house btw. Not like a poor guest was caught inbetween us while I pointed out the obvious to my brother (that he's not in fact nice, and that I wasn't losing anything…). He was giving off hostile body language while I was showing her scarves that my mother had knitted, and I was like "uhm….what is your problem?" to him. Then he basically ushered her out the door and came back to ***** me out.

Brilliant.

I ******* hate human beings.

 

[Amthorn]

Nothing like starting to like someone who just up and vanishes.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Okay, I'm over it.

 

[user 115627]

Curse words. Curse words. Lots of curse words...

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm so angry right now. I guess I'm not allowed to eat anymore, except for $25 worth of food a week. I don't even know how I'm going to survive on that, as I know absolutely nothing of diet. I guess i'll just eat one can of soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How the fresia am I supposed to solve my problems when I won't be able to concentrate on anything. This pisses me off so much. I understand I should be working by my age and I had some rough patches in life where I wasn't doing all I should have been. But I don't see how I can be expected, no, demanded, to basically solve my problem overnight. I am down and out and need a helping hand, and what I'm getting instead is a kick in the teeth. I guess having money is the only thing that matters in the whole goddamn world.

And even if I can get a job soon, I still don't know where I can plan to move in the long term. I don't know which, if any, of my friends will have me as a roommate. None have gotten back to me yet. Even if they do, it could mean leaving my Grandma and Boomer behind for good. I don't relish making that choice, but the cost of rent around here is ******* insane. It's in the ballpark of $1K a month, some under, some over. I'd NEED a roommate to help pay that since I don't imagine I'd be able to get even a half-decent salary. My degree is a ******* joke. And I don't think I have anyone around here I could room with so Seattle is again, my only choice. Which is a long shot in and of itself. I don't know what to do. I have no outlet for my anger, frustration, or despair. I feel like my life is in free fall and I don't know how I can stop it.

 

[PenDragon]

I'm thinking to take a break from internet for a while, just shut down everything and go somewhere calm and peaceful.

 

[sanguineRose]

I think I should to my sister's house. I like to spend my time there.