I wish I could use a wand and perform magic, so that it gets better for both of us
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
user 188644
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I'm thinking I made a new friend and the last message I sent was a sleep deprived, ******* stupid jumble of controversial topics. I want to send another text being like ignore it but then I think that comes off as neurotic(which I am) and then I'm just making it worse.
Hahah yea been there
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Thinking that why are ants such idiots? I'm not TRYING to kill them, I'm trying to be nice and live and let live, as long as they go somewhere else. But they keep getting in the way, as if they have a death wish. They are literally playing in traffic. I wish they would just stay outside where they belong.
Maybe you should convert to Jainism. Jains don't kill insects. Many Jains wear fabric over their mouths and noses to avoid breathing in insects or microbes, and sweep ahead of themselves while walking to avoid treading on bugs.
ringwood
Well-known member
I once left a half-eaten bowl of pudding on the floor in my bedroom. I went off to work, then came home that day to a veritable ant highway! Seriously. One of the little suckers had obviously happened upon the bowl while wandering around my house and called in all his buddies. There was a long row of ants coming from a tiny hole in the windowsill to the bowl on the floor, a bunch of ants IN the bowl (some were idiots and had drowned in pudding), then another row of ants marching back to their nest. It was so fascinating how organized they were. OK - not so cool I had a honeysuckle-ton of ants in my bedroom and house, but still fascinating.
I am going to try to make my life better. Things, out of my control, have been changing for the worse and I can't see a way around them. But, **** it! I am going to try! I don't want to be mad, angry, and depressed for the rest of my life. I want to enjoy the rest of my life as best I can. I just need to figure out how to do that. I think it is going to require me to change my perceptions of things, which is going to be very difficult.
user 188644
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I feel like that's exactly where I'm at right now too. Hope it works out.
Dabnis_Brickey
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Wow. I haven't been in these forums for years. I started this thread with my old account. Memories
My now niece happy,first time out since making the decision.She is finally happy living and dressing as a girl.So far at school,her teachers called her Alexis for the first time and were informed of this.Still has her good friends whom treat her like one of the girls now
Abstamyous
Well-known member
I'm working through some stuff now. I'm quite sure my father is on his last leg, as talking to him now is quite different than before. I have spent much of my life being angry at him for being an alcoholic, abusive and a user.
At the same time, deep down, is the little girl who used to follow him around the farm and his job, and who got physically sick whenever my parents would split up. The little girl who would wait for him to pull up on the driveway even when I was terrified of the condition he may come home in.
The general attitude in my family has been that he's already dead. There's so much unfinished business for everyone, that it must feel hopeless. We are never going to have the father that we wished and believed would have been best for us.
What hurts the most is that I've always had my arms open for when he decides he wants better. What relief it would be to get that call, him saying that he's ready for change. And if I ever should get that call, I know the hopeful little girl would come back out.
As I speak to him recently, I feel myself trying to accept that what I consider to be best for him will likely never come. That, in his own weird way, he always felt he was doing his best. It's okay if I simultaneously feel I deserved better, but also feel grateful to have had love for a father.
This has all been so confusing to process over the last couple of weeks. For many years, I convinced myself it'd be easier to get the news that he passed. But I know it would be hard to live with myself if that was the case.
Secretly hoping for a drastic change, but realising his absence is closer than I wish it to be.
At the same time, deep down, is the little girl who used to follow him around the farm and his job, and who got physically sick whenever my parents would split up. The little girl who would wait for him to pull up on the driveway even when I was terrified of the condition he may come home in.
The general attitude in my family has been that he's already dead. There's so much unfinished business for everyone, that it must feel hopeless. We are never going to have the father that we wished and believed would have been best for us.
What hurts the most is that I've always had my arms open for when he decides he wants better. What relief it would be to get that call, him saying that he's ready for change. And if I ever should get that call, I know the hopeful little girl would come back out.
As I speak to him recently, I feel myself trying to accept that what I consider to be best for him will likely never come. That, in his own weird way, he always felt he was doing his best. It's okay if I simultaneously feel I deserved better, but also feel grateful to have had love for a father.
This has all been so confusing to process over the last couple of weeks. For many years, I convinced myself it'd be easier to get the news that he passed. But I know it would be hard to live with myself if that was the case.
Secretly hoping for a drastic change, but realising his absence is closer than I wish it to be.
ringwood
Well-known member
(I wish there was a 'hug' or 'care' emoji on this site like there is on Facebook - 'like' doesn't seem quite right here). Anyway, just wanted to say sorry for what you're going through right now. Circumstances were different, but I lost my dad back in 2015. I understand how difficult it is. Hugs. . .
NoxApex(N/A)
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Sometimes the fact that I'm smart works against me. I don't exactly get to control my thoughts and since my thoughts are not emotionally tethered, they kind of fly by at lightspeed. If anybody's ever seen the movie Limitless, it's kind of like the end of the movie where he loses track of where he was, what he did, etc. It's dissocative af.
Sending you a BIG hug too.
I'm going through similar with my mother right now, her health has deteriorated rapidly since last xmas and she's constantly in pain. She's in hospital at the moment but will be home on Friday when her end of life care is in place.
I've never been that close to my mum, I spent most of my life running away from her tbh, I came back home ( to London ) about 3 years ago for my fathers funeral and me and mum have built a few bridges since then and even bonded. Knowing my mum like I do now I honestly believe the only thing that's kept her alive for the last few years is having unfinished business with me, now that's sorted she's ready to move on.
Trevor
President Of Trevor Philips Industries
Oh man. I've never worked that hard in my life.
user 188644
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I just thought of something so sad. My old boss got arrested for beating the honeysuckle out of a former employee in the office. He has a temper lol. I went to his apartment to feed his dog for him and his life was just so sad. He’s like the lovable softy, outgoing etc and he’s just living this lonely head barely above water life
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