cheaptrickfan said:
I am terribly angry today. As usual, this is because of a conversation with the ex. First thing this morning, no less. Swell. I fantasize about never seeing his face ever again, never having to deal with him ever again, but we have joint custody, so I have no choice. I wish that he'd just drop dead and save me this ulcer I have percolating in my stomach.
Does that sound mean? Maybe, but I can tell you, I never truly learned to hate until this divorce. I understand why domestic disputes are the worst for the police to respond to. There is something about the fabric of your life being ripped asunder that allows rage to brew and boil and explode, all totally without reason or premeditation.
I think I need a good cry today, but I have to be a responsible parent. Capable. Strong. Attentive. All that jazz. I just want to go off somewhere and scream until my throat is bloody, cry my eyes out and then take a long nap.
it doesn't sound mean at all, and i know exactly how you feel. its been a long time now since i've separated from the father of my children, but it was horrible. trying to hold it all in because i had to was tramatic.
and even tho it has been so long, i still feel as though as if i'm imprisoned by him. because i have to have contact with him. because he still is involved in our lives (in his pathetic 1/2 assed selfish idiotic way/long story short)
because i have to live in this town that i've always hated in the first place, to top it off with hiim in it!! because of him. (there is a law where i live that even tho i have full custody i need his permission to move within i think it is 150 miles from him)(and even so, if i even found somewhere within that range that i wanted to move to, it would make it more difficult because then during the times he has the children we would have to meet 1/2 way etc...)
and now its been so long that the children are accustomed to this town and so even if i could move, i just couldn't do it because i don't want to hurt them by doing so.
i can't stand this place!! i can't stand him!! he still gets to me (i don't love him, i mean gets to me in a makes me angry way), but not as bad as before when it was all new. and i'm trapped.
he isn't the worst, but he's nothing close to a real father, nor a nice person. i don't think he can help the way he is, that has helped me deal with it some, and he doesn't seem to know any better. but still, i feel how you do sometimes.
so no, (after all that blabbering) you are not mean! i know how you feel! and it sucks!
good luck!
