What are your experiences of negative comments/reactions?

[Paramoar]

As someone who has suffered severe bullying over the years, I feel like I remember every negative comment or reaction I've received. It feels worse that those people don't remember their actions so can't even be sorry for it. There's no closure.

I'm not sure if this thread has been done before, being a newbie. But maybe sharing your experiences of what people have said about you that dented your self-esteem/caused you to be more withdrawn might help!

I'll start by saying that a girl who lives down the street from me would shout 'acne girl' on my way home from school often times. Now I'm terrified of her, even though she's years younger. And that's nothing compared to the barrage of other things I've had thrown at me.

 

[Seeker]

I used to be made fun of at school for being a straight A student (nerd, geek and all the well-known stuff), it bothered me for years, until I realized that letting them bring me down was doing exactly what they were trying to achieve. So now i'm not affected by what people say about me at all. It kinda pisses them off.

My point is, people will always talk, so we can choose not to listen. I'd say find the strength and ignore them too, Paramoar, people who do that are usually insecure, so they don't deserve your tears.

 

[Paramoar]

I used to be made fun of at school for being a straight A student (nerd, geek and all the well-known stuff), it bothered me for years, until I realized that letting them bring me down was doing exactly what they were trying to achieve. So now i'm not affected by what people say about me at all. It kinda pisses them off.

My point is, people will always talk, so we can choose not to listen. I'd say find the strength and ignore them too, Paramoar, people who do that are usually insecure, so they don't deserve your tears.

Well there's definitely nothing wrong with academic achievement! True, that. People can get quite agitated when you don't react to what they say!

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah I think this has been discussed before, many have shared their experiences. For some reason as human beings we seem to remember and latch on to the negative more than the positive, sometimes even forgetting anything good someone may have said and done. The negative has a way of over shadowing the good. No one likes to be judged negatively so when that happens it is a huge blow to our ego and confidence and the more it happens the more it eats it up, and the more good it takes to repair it.

 

[StarvingZombie]

I think the worst part of negative comments isn't the way they affect you as much as the way they tend to stick. When a negative comment is directed your way and is overheard by a third party they then create a life of there own , and as such grow and mutate.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

When I was younger it affected me a lot, there is such a pressure to be accepted. I went to a boys' only school, and then when I went to a mixed sex college after that, there were a lot of young guys who had been to the mixed schools in the area, my ineptness around girls and the social rejection that I experienced I found very upsetting Had a massive crush on a clever girl, I liked the fact she didn't wear makeup like most of the other girls, but her nasty rejection of me when I plucked up the courage to tell her how I felt affected me for years - I mean, telling someone they hate the sight of you just because you felt attracted to them?! Even into my 30s I would flinch when passing a group of college age girls, but then through various means I learned to accept myself more. The other day I was out running and passed a group of college age girls, there was some comment directed at me, and some giggling, but it didn't bother me - I have moved on a lot since then!

Nowadays I don't let much bother me, rejection is inevitable (but not universal), so the best thing I've found is to be who I am without pretence - self acceptance is the best shield, at least for me, and sooner or later people will come along who accept you as well.

I hope you can find a way through what you are feeling, sending you some sunny positive vibes from where I am.

 

[Cucuboth]

I have to say that it still bothers me. Even at 37. Maybe because I find the loneliness increasing. The sourness of isolation getting more palpable. But finding it harder to find a way out of it (although it always has been hard), and harder to hold on to anything resembling hope ....

But something worse than a negative comment is the false positive comment. When someone says something nice to you (usually in front of others, so they have an audience) as a joke. Sometimes you know it's a joke right from the start. But other times, you won't find out it's a joke for a while, and that has the sting of letting you feel good about it ... and about other people, and about yourself ... for a while. Then when it's pulled out from underneath you, everyone has yet another reason to laugh at you, and since it made you feel good, it feels like you now have further to fall.

 

[a lonely person]

Im wierd, im too shy, i have a big nose, i look older than my age, even when i dont have acne anymore, it left scars, people have told me that. And its true.

 

[Tiina63]

I have a lot of bad things swirling in my head which people have said to me and/or about me over the years. And when I think of them, the pain and hurt is as big as it was at the time. I'm odd, mentally ill, weird like Mr Spock, too quiet, have poor taste in clothes, home decor and furniture, need to 'pull myself together,' too sensitive, shold be strong all the time and have no weaknesess or emotional needs, etc etc etc.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have a lot of bad things swirling in my head which people have said to me and/or about me over the years. And when I think of them, the pain and hurt is as big as it was at the time. I'm odd, mentally ill, weird like Mr Spock, too quiet, have poor taste in clothes, home decor and furniture, need to 'pull myself together,' too sensitive, shold be strong all the time and have no weaknesess or emotional needs, etc etc etc.

why Mr Spock ?

 

[Locke]

What dented my self-esteem is when people I cared about insulted or bullied me over something I was insecure over. My father did it to me growing up, other kids did it when I was in school, even supposed friends have done it. Telling people what I'm most insecure about hasn't worked out well.

 

[Hopefuldreamer]

I've been bullied most of my life. When I was little, I'd always be the new kid, so I'd get made fun of for it. When I was about 12, it was because of my looks... which still happens to this day. You'd think adult people wouldn't bully each other, but unfortunately, some of the adults I've met can be more cruel than some kids. There is this guy I work with who gets bullied for than anyone I know... and everyone is over the age of 25. Go figure.

 

[Tiina63]

I have a lot of bad things swirling in my head which people have said to me and/or about me over the years. And when I think of them, the pain and hurt is as big as it was at the time. I'm odd, mentally ill, weird like Mr Spock, too quiet, have poor taste in clothes, home decor and furniture, need to 'pull myself together,' too sensitive, shold be strong all the time and have no weaknesess or emotional needs, etc etc etc.

why Mr Spock ?

Because they thought I was different enough to be an alien.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have a lot of bad things swirling in my head which people have said to me and/or about me over the years. And when I think of them, the pain and hurt is as big as it was at the time. I'm odd, mentally ill, weird like Mr Spock, too quiet, have poor taste in clothes, home decor and furniture, need to 'pull myself together,' too sensitive, shold be strong all the time and have no weaknesess or emotional needs, etc etc etc.

why Mr Spock ?

Because they thought I was different enough to be an alien.

that's not nice

 

[9006]

I hope I'm not pointing something stupidly obvious out here but it's how you handle this negativity. I find it really admirable the way some people can use it in some way to help them, either better themselves or reinforce their mental stability and/or confidence. Unfortunately most people tend to drown in a sea of negativity and I think they should have some sort of basic psychology class in schools in order to provide the skills and thinking required for modern life, some people have it, some don't.

 

[Seeker]

Unfortunately most people tend to drown in a sea of negativity and I think they should have some sort of basic psychology class in schools in order to provide the skills and thinking required for modern life.

This. So much this. For years I have been feeling that society functions under a certain set of rules, for which i don't have the instruction manual. I don't seem to get what other people get. Some instructions on it would be nice.

 

[9006]

This. So much this. For years I have been feeling that society functions under a certain set of rules, for which i don't have the instruction manual. I don't seem to get what other people get. Some instructions on it would be nice.

Maybe it's something you can explain in your own thread and see what people have to say about it. It may shed some light on situations.

 

[Peaches]

I have a lot of bad things swirling in my head which people have said to me and/or about me over the years. And when I think of them, the pain and hurt is as big as it was at the time. I'm odd, mentally ill, weird like Mr Spock, too quiet, have poor taste in clothes, home decor and furniture, need to 'pull myself together,' too sensitive, shold be strong all the time and have no weaknesess or emotional needs, etc etc etc.

why Mr Spock ?

Because they thought I was different enough to be an alien.

that's not nice

It's really sad to hear the many ways in which people can be nasty, but please let me point out that Mr Spock is a really cool person and a great role model

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This. So much this. For years I have been feeling that society functions under a certain set of rules, for which i don't have the instruction manual. I don't seem to get what other people get. Some instructions on it would be nice.

Maybe it's something you can explain in your own thread and see what people have to say about it. It may shed some light on situations.

yes, please do it

 

[Seeker]

I have a lot of bad things swirling in my head which people have said to me and/or about me over the years. And when I think of them, the pain and hurt is as big as it was at the time. I'm odd, mentally ill, weird like Mr Spock, too quiet, have poor taste in clothes, home decor and furniture, need to 'pull myself together,' too sensitive, shold be strong all the time and have no weaknesess or emotional needs, etc etc etc.

why Mr Spock ?

Because they thought I was different enough to be an alien.

that's not nice

It's really sad to hear the many ways in which people can be nasty, but please let me point out that Mr Spock is a really cool person and a great role model

---

This. So much this. For years I have been feeling that society functions under a certain set of rules, for which i don't have the instruction manual. I don't seem to get what other people get. Some instructions on it would be nice.

Maybe it's something you can explain in your own thread and see what people have to say about it. It may shed some light on situations.

yes, please do it

---

Since 2 people ask for it, will do a bit later

 

[Seosa2]

Grew to accept, allow your blood to freeze, metaphorically speaking. Allow it to strengthen you. Easier said than done of course.