What do you do if someone actively dislikes you?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

This is something I've always struggled with. I have low self esteem, but I generally am in a happy mood...until someone ruins my day somehow. And then I don't know how to handle it.

Take yesterday. I walked into a pet store, and this blond girl, around 20 years old, walked up to me. "Can I help you with anything?" she said, with a sneer on her face. And frequently, when I asked her questions, she would respond with a 'piss off' face expression.

I didn't know this girl. She didn't act this way around the other coworker, who was a guy. If she had, I would have assumed that she had a problem with guys in general. But no...it was just me.

What about me did she dislike? I know most people like me, and I know you can't win over everyone, but I hate it when I don't even know what I'm doing wrong! Was it my long hair? My few days worth of beard? My t shirt and shorts? What?

God, I hate being self critical, but at the same time, I can't just throw this away. It makes me feel depressed, and like it will happen with my friends too, not just strangers.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I know how you feel, I've dealt with that too.

Okay first, I think you are reading way too much into the store incident. There are many reasons why she acted the way she did towards you. You mentioned her coworker was a guy, maybe she was flirting with him and with you (or any customer walking in) interrupted this and she wanted to get rid of you as quickly as possible. Best way to do that is to make the customer feel unwanted or not want any assistance. Or she could have been having a long day and just didn't want to talk to any more customers. So I wouldn't worry about that too much.

Now when it comes to your friends, that is a different matter because you know them, you spend time with them. If they are still your friends they obviously don't dislike you. I don't know about you but there are sometimes when, even a friend, can get on your nerves. Sometimes it's not them, it might just be the mood you are in. Everyone has their own personality and quirks that can rub other people the wrong way. On days when you are feeling frustrated or having a bad day those things can seem even more annoying.

 

[whispers]

That happened to me a few times, while i was shopping a lady came right up to me and said ''your just a piece of garbage'' and left. I had never seen that woman before. I was very hurt, and like you i wondered, was it the way i was dressed, my hair ??? Then i thought what a miserable person to actualy take the time to come and try to ruin my mood, she must be verry bitter inside, so whatever she had against me had nothing to do with me, she's obviously eaten up inside by anger. ( maybe i reminded her of someone....maybe herself)

But it still hurts ...and makes me angry, cause i treat everyone with respect, from the rich lady in town, to the hobbo sitting on the lawn... they always get a smile from me.

 

[Weretiger]

In cases where I feel someone has an issue with me I ask them "are you having a bad day" or "how is your family" they will seem confussed at first but will more than likely respond leaving them open for more conversation I the reply "I'm only asking because you seem upset about something" then I add a joke like "I was thinking **** my breath must stink or something". Normally they'll laugh and you'll fund out what the real issue is.....

 

[Limlim]

minimum wage employees generally hate customers. Or at least I did when I was one.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

will...as an asain dude. Sometimes when I walk into a bar
full of red neck biggots, theres a stencth in the room.
Story general gose like this cuase...thats just me.

[youtube]SM3jgkChV6M[/youtube]

 

[Ak5]

Not to sound cynical, but don't expect every single retail store employees to be friendly. Some employees (I said some!) only care about the paycheck (lol yeah Limlim, minimum wage). Or she was probably in the middle of talking with that guy when you walked in.

Now your friends...That's a different story.

 

[Okiedokes]

Ehhh some people are picky or have their own issues. I think that's stupid you would get treated differently because of long hair or whatever else. Just take it as that, that she is just an unfair person and ignore it. She has some learning to do as well...judging people by their appearance..pfff.

I understand what you are saying, you don't want to bother anyone or have people dislike you, but it's something that you can't control and there's always going to be someone who has a silly opinion of you cause that is how people can be. You aren't in the wrong, they are because they don't even know you. :] Just ignore it and be the nice you that you can be.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, I can understand that. Some customers can be really nasty to employees. I worked retail for years, I know!

She might have just dealt with a bad customer, or have just been ready to quit for the day. Or maybe was having a bad day.

I don't know what the problem was, but I did feel very uncomfortable during the interaction.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I dont give people that much power over me....especially complete strangers.

I might struggle when I get into a relationship becuase of the emotional attacthments
aspect of it. Plus making a commitment. Time and energy Ive invested
into a relationshipo...Trying to find a balance or a
common ground with my partner when communication break down..ect..ect
Most of the time Im having to be OK with me...
Geeze man..when youre in a LT relationship, you pretty much
see your partner buttass naked on a physical level and other levels..visa versa.

But a complete stranger, people in the service industry or just people
out in public in general????
Thats too much bullshit to be running through my head to be worrying about what people
thinks about me. Its just a stupid mind fresia. There's a million reasons why she acted that way.
Its just a waste of my time, energy and life to be trying to figure that honeysuckle out....
WHY this? Why That? Maybe this? maybe that???
WHO GIVES A fresia!!!!!

Plus maybe you're just processing the honeysuckle all wrong to begin with?
Maybe becuase you feel less than or insecure about yourself already...
it's colouring your perceptions.

At the very least, if a person get snobbie at me..
especailly a little girl...
Im going to give her a look or vibe of.
"SHOW ME YOUR FUCKEN TITAYS *****..IF YOU THINK YOURE ALL THAT"

Just like that commercial...
"Wtf...are you a fucken Super model or what?"lmao

Anyways...do you have inferioty complex or what?
People are just people. No one is better than you....

 

[LoneKiller]

Ask them why before you start looking at yourself for the problem.

 

[Antihero]

(Warning: The above is probably not good advice)

 

[Tiina63]

I once worked in a shop and my social anxiety can sometimes make me come across as unfriendly without my wanting at all to give that impression. Maybe the girl was anxious? I know that she was friendly with her co worker, but he would be familiar to her. Or maybe you reminded her of someone she knew who had treated her badly. Whatever the reason was, it was not your fault.

 

[Lonesome2]

(Warning: The above is probably not good advice)

Awesome...well said.

 

[edamame721]

I say don't let it bother you. I went to a fast food restaurant and the cashier got into an argument with a customer. The customer's husband came to the counter and basically scared the cashier who became a lot nicer. Then the cashier decided to take my order for a salad, spent a really long time doing something else, came back and when I asked about my order, she said, oh, we don't have any more left.

Basically, she wasted my time and treated me poorly because she was treated poorly before. Nothing's wrong with you, that girl probably has her own problems.

 

[Serephina]

There could be a million reasons why that person acted like that. I get that quite a bit and it did used to bother me to the point,I would go home all upset about it until I realised that it says more about that person than it does about you. It tends to be because we have such low self confidence in ourselves that it gives off vibes sometimes that allow people to think that it's ok to treat us like this and sometimes they are just like that to everybody but because we don't see that then we think that it's just us. Whatever the reason,it's not you,so don't let it bother you.