What do you think about suicide?

[Myra]

I tried committing suicide twice. First time, I remember swallowing exactly 13 Benadryl Pills. Even though they were sleeping pills, I did not even sleep that night. I was afraid that if I did, I would die.
In the morning I just puked out a lot of liquids. No one knew until years later.

The second time got me to the hospital. I don't know how many tablets I swallowed, I just took everything in the pill bottle. It was another sleeping pill, Seroquel. My chest felt tight and heavy and I was getting drowsy. I confessed to my parents that I had just taken the pills because I really was afraid I was going to die and become no more.


I'm ok now but just last week my friend tried committing suicide. He messaged me on WhatsApp saying good bye and with a vomiting emoji like this . He took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say so it took me a while to respond. Eventually, he said he was ok, they took him to the ER too.

As much as possible I don't want anyone to commit suicide. But I don't know the pain they're feeling so I am in no place to judge them.

But if you do go on with it, I hope you that's not the last of you and we'll see each other again, along with your friends and family and all your loved ones.

Be careful. People are more likely to damage their organs than to die that way.

 

[Azariah]

I don't want to do it again.

 

[Finished]

Good. There are WAY easier and much more pleasant ways to go if one feels they absolutely must depart. But, I'm not going to share them here. Also I think once you make it past a certain age you figure if you hadn't successfully killed yourself by then you never will. Then you stop thinking about doing it, which is a good thing.

 

[Alyosha]

I wish I had the courage to do it. I would love to be dead because I hate my life and myself. I often think how incredibly miniscule the chances were that I had to come into existence. What horribly bad luck I had to be born! I wish there was euthanasia given out freely to humans who want it. With climate change, overpopulation, replacement of workers by AI, etc. they might want to consider giving humans the choice to opt out painlessly. But they don't yet. Maybe one day I'll be brave and do it my own way. Can't see myself still enduring this for half a century. I'm more than a third through this honeysuckle, statistically speaking, so that's something at least but not enough.

Would it help remove even a shred of the loneliness or anguish to know that someone who's around has had thoughts that precisely parallel your own?  Probably not, but while it isn't where I am right now, I've had those sorts of "courage" thoughts; I've had those sorts of wishes.  And I've wondered how I'd manage to get through additional decades if everything remained so rough. 

I'd just like to suggest that since you seem so cool to multiple people here, your wiring might not be disconnecting you from other humans to a hopeless extent.  With that in mind, I hope you find something you weren't expecting that makes you really happy to live through those next two-thirds.

 

[Myra]

Would it help remove even a shred of the loneliness or anguish to know that someone who's around has had thoughts that precisely parallel your own?  Probably not, but while it isn't where I am right now, I've had those sorts of "courage" thoughts; I've had those sorts of wishes.  And I've wondered how I'd manage to get through additional decades if everything remained so rough. 

I'd just like to suggest that since you seem so cool to multiple people here, your wiring might not be disconnecting you from other humans to a hopeless extent.  With that in mind, I hope you find something you weren't expecting that makes you really happy to live through those next two-thirds.

Thank you. I don't seem that way though, and especially not irl. 
The best things about my life are my hobbies. The thing that would make my life better is getting a part time job instead full time, I hope I can do that by next summer. Wish me luck.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't think about suicide for a couple reasons.

One, for the same reason that I don't think about crime. Once you commit suicide, your life is over. Just like once you commit a serious enough crime, your life is for all intents and purposes over. It's a permanent consequence for what could be a temporary feeling. I always think that you never know when things will turn around...sure, things have never looked that great for me, but what if my luck changes tomorrow, next week, next month, even next year? What if something happens and the answers come to me, or I figure it out, and I just had to hang on a little longer? I don't want to be the guy that stopped 3 feet from gold.

As long as I'm healthy and free, technically there's a chance, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Also I don't think about suicide because I'm not all that confident that there's anything that comes after this, even though I hope there is. I'm afraid this is all we get. The idea of nothingness, just ceasing to exist, scares me.

 

[Myra]

^^^^^ I never really understand why it is perceived as scary by some people. Does the time before you were born make you uncomfortable too? Does the nothingness from before life also bother you? What is different about the nothingness after life?

 

[TheSkaFish]

^^^^^ I never really understand why it is perceived as scary by some people. Does the time before you were born make you uncomfortable too? Does the nothingness from before life also bother you? What is different about the nothingness after life?

The time before life is different. It almost feels....separate, I guess.

The nothingness after life is scary/depressing because it's permanent, and it means those you cared about that are gone, are truly gone, there isn't going to be any comforting or reuniting, there isn't going to be any new existence in another plane, it's really over.

At least that's what I find scary and depressing about it.

 

[Myra]

^^^^^ I never really understand why it is perceived as scary by some people. Does the time before you were born make you uncomfortable too? Does the nothingness from before life also bother you? What is different about the nothingness after life?

The time before life is different.  It almost feels....separate, I guess.

The nothingness after life is scary/depressing because it's permanent, and it means those you cared about that are gone, are truly gone, there isn't going to be any comforting or reuniting, there isn't going to be any new existence in another plane, it's really over.

At least that's what I find scary and depressing about it.

Ok I see. I'm sure both the time before and after life are infinite. Neither is more permanent than the other. I understand missing other people after they died while you're still alive. Although I have nobody in my life whose death would make me miss them or who I would want to reunite with.

Everything about our experiences is just an illusion or narrative our brains produce. I am a biological algorithm. I, like all animals, do 100% of the things I do because my organism, mostly my brain i.e. an organ I was born with, dictates me to do it. There's no self that is behind it. When I drink water or eat food I often feel like I'm not much more than a mobile plant with a brain... Or a tube (digestive tube) with some tools growing around it (arms, hands, brain, mouth). That is what we are in the end. It dies like everything and what I experienced was "me" never existed and was just a brain mechanism that helped this organism navigate the world to optimise chances of survival and reproduction. At some point in time it must have become beneficial for the brains of homo sapiens to narrate our experiences to ourselves and to create a sense of identity, i.e. an ego. It's a nuisance, but it's not real and doesn't matter at the end of the day.

 

[Alyosha]

Would it help remove even a shred of the loneliness or anguish to know that someone who's around has had thoughts that precisely parallel your own?  Probably not, but while it isn't where I am right now, I've had those sorts of "courage" thoughts; I've had those sorts of wishes.  And I've wondered how I'd manage to get through additional decades if everything remained so rough. 

I'd just like to suggest that since you seem so cool to multiple people here, your wiring might not be disconnecting you from other humans to a hopeless extent.  With that in mind, I hope you find something you weren't expecting that makes you really happy to live through those next two-thirds.

Thank you. I don't seem that way though, and especially not irl. 
The best things about my life are my hobbies. The thing that would make my life better is getting a part time job instead full time, I hope I can do that by next summer. Wish me luck.

Going back a number of years, I met and hung out with quite a few people I first became acquainted with over the Internet, and I found that I had gotten a fairly accurate impression of just about all of them from my forum/message/chat interactions with them.  There have been many instances on this board when you've expressed a thought/idea in a message and I found myself thinking that you put it exactly how I would--or how I wish I could.  Basically, I'm saying I'm confident that your coolness on here is real and that the way you think, rather than serving to distance you from everyone, actually makes you seem very interesting and intelligent to some people.   

I know your hobbies are solo hobbies, but have you ever found other people, either on the Internet or in real life, who have the same hobbies and with whom you've enjoyed discussing them and sharing things about them?

I do wish you luck regarding jobs, and more than that, I hope you enjoy whatever work you do.  I certainly want more out of life, but having an enjoyable job really is something that I'm thankful for.

 

[AlexGrazier]

I wish I had the courage to do it. I would love to be dead because I hate my life and myself. I often think how incredibly miniscule the chances were that I had to come into existence. What horribly bad luck I had to be born! I wish there was euthanasia given out freely to humans who want it. With climate change, overpopulation, replacement of workers by AI, etc. they might want to consider giving humans the choice to opt out painlessly. But they don't yet. Maybe one day I'll be brave and do it my own way. Can't see myself still enduring this for half a century. I'm more than a third through this honeysuckle, statistically speaking, so that's something at least but not enough.

I understand exactly how you feel. I hate existing, I hate humanity, and humanity does/would hate me in equal measure. I have no friends and no girlfriend. I almost certainly won't live past the age of 30, probably not even past 25.
If I may ask, though, why do you hate yourself?
I only hate other people, not myself.

 

[Azariah]

I've done suicide and there were moments that I can't remember in the hospital. I blanked out, I think that that is how my state of mind would be like if I didn't survive. Just blank, you don't even know it's blank, complete unconsciousness.

In a way I'm kinda glad I experienced that because I now know what it's like to be dead, or at least I think.

Armed with that knowledge I'm convinced that to be alive is better than to be dead.

 

[Myra]

Going back a number of years, I met and hung out with quite a few people I first became acquainted with over the Internet, and I found that I had gotten a fairly accurate impression of just about all of them from my forum/message/chat interactions with them.  There have been many instances on this board when you've expressed a thought/idea in a message and I found myself thinking that you put it exactly how I would--or how I wish I could.  Basically, I'm saying I'm confident that your coolness on here is real and that the way you think, rather than serving to distance you from everyone, actually makes you seem very interesting and intelligent to some people.   

I know your hobbies are solo hobbies, but have you ever found other people, either on the Internet or in real life, who have the same hobbies and with whom you've enjoyed discussing them and sharing things about them?

I do wish you luck regarding jobs, and more than that, I hope you enjoy whatever work you do.  I certainly want more out of life, but having an enjoyable job really is something that I'm thankful for.

IRL I would never bother to even open my mouth to say something haha. Writing on a forum is way easier. 
I don't feel too interested in talking about my hobbies... One of them does require some type of interaction because it's boring to just "play" it alone all the time. But it's short and controlled interaction, nothing personal. I do like
 to listen (almost daily) to some people on YouTube that are into the same hobby but I wouldn't bother to participate in their live chats (I listen to the chats but wouldn't try to barge in and type something hoping to get someone's attention haha). I also don't feel a strong urge to emotionally connect to people. And like you said in another thread, I also feel I'm not on the same wavelength as most other people, don't click, and it's exhausting and not rewarding, even a negative experience to force myself to mix with them more than necessary. I'm kind of ok with not having emotional connections anyway. 

That's nice that you met people you connected with. I

I understand exactly how you feel. I hate existing, I hate humanity, and humanity does/would hate me in equal measure. I have no friends and no girlfriend. I almost certainly won't live past the age of 30, probably not even past 25.
If I may ask, though, why do you hate yourself?
I only hate other people, not myself.

You are in your early twenties?
When I was young I too used to think I hope I won't still be here at age 30! Now I'm in my late 20s, so nearly 30, and I realise it was an exaggerated estimate to believe I'd be able to make it out of here before I turn 30 haha.

I dislike myself only when I'm around humans actually and when I return from being around them. Because I feel uncomfortable and inadequate among them and tired afterwards. I lack the intuition to communicate well with them. And I am always wiped out after being among humans even if I don't talk to them. I wish my brain could handle people better.  When I'm on my own for long stretches of time I'm absolutely comfortable in my skin though. Wish that was somehow possible for ever (to not see humans except when I go buy groceries). 

Have you been friendless your whole life or were there times when it was different?

 

[Alyosha]

I dislike myself only when I'm around humans actually and when I return from being around them. Because I feel uncomfortable and inadequate among them and tired afterwards. I lack the intuition to communicate well with them. And I am always wiped out after being among humans even if I don't talk to them. I wish my brain could handle people better. 

But why feel inadequate?  Maybe the fact that you don't fit in with the nonsense around you actually speaks to your adequacy.  And maybe the problem isn't that your brain doesn't handle people better but that there aren't more people who connect with the way you think.

I do like to listen (almost daily) to some people on YouTube that are into the same hobby but I wouldn't bother to participate in their live chats (I listen to the chats but wouldn't try to barge in and type something hoping to get someone's attention haha). I also don't feel a strong urge to emotionally connect to people. And like you said in another thread, I also feel I'm not on the same wavelength as most other people, don't click, and it's exhausting and not rewarding, even a negative experience to force myself to mix with them more than necessary. I'm kind of ok with not having emotional connections anyway.

Yeah, I've never participated in those sorts of chats myself.  I seem to get more reclusive as I get older.  I don't know if the loner side of me is gradually becoming more prominent or if I'm just more aware of what I am and what I would like to avoid.  You seem to have a very good idea of who you are, not needing emotional connections.  I wonder if there is something you could have, though, that would make life easier and happier.  If so, I hope you get it.

 

[Myra]

^^^ I feel the same. Not that I had contacts in the past. But I felt like I was supposed to have them and felt bad about not having them. Now I am aware that I'm just happier alone.

 

[Alyosha]

^^^ I feel the same. Not that I had contacts in the past. But I felt like I was supposed to have them and felt bad about not having them. Now I am aware that I'm just happier alone.

There's a pretty harsh dichotomy in how some of us aren't wired to interact comfortably with the people around us, yet as humans we apparently are "built" to be social, not solitary, creatures.

I guess that even though it isn't a cure for "real life" ills, the Internet is helpful in addressing that innate social yearning, as it provides a way to find other people with similar feelings.  And as you've mentioned before, it can be so much easier to type than to talk.

 

[Myra]

^^^ I feel the same. Not that I had contacts in the past. But I felt like I was supposed to have them and felt bad about not having them. Now I am aware that I'm just happier alone.

There's a pretty harsh dichotomy in how some of us aren't wired to interact comfortably with the people around us, yet as humans we apparently are "built" to be social, not solitary, creatures.

I guess that even though it isn't a cure for "real life" ills, the Internet is helpful in addressing that innate social yearning, as it provides a way to find other people with similar feelings.  And as you've mentioned before, it can be so much easier to type than to talk.

Yes! I often wonder what kind of (terrible) mental state I'd be in without the internet.

 

[Just Games]

I've thought about it quite a few times when I was younger and lonely.But having experience lately with someone who keeps threatening and close to carrying it out they had a family history that was very abusive,but they are in therapy now which helps somewhat.....but compared to that my life was so easy I cant believe I even thought about it.

 

[JackNJ]

I’m not suicidal but I’m good to go, I’m not afraid of death and I welcome it. I had enough of this world and I certainly don’t believe in the afterlife but if something did exist I want no part of it. I wanted to be like a light in just go out and it’s like I never existed.

 

[user 139760]

Sometimes I feel so terrible that I think that only suicide could help me... But does it really help? And what happens after death? Could I do it for my mother? I feel so horrible, because I would like to do it, but I am not brave enough. And it's not right for the people who care about me very much...

What do you think about it? Is it right or wrong...?

Well...I don't think it's all that brave.
It's easy. It's quick.
Which is why I think it's wrong.
Never seen anything that was Right in life be easy or quick. By logical deduction, suicide is akin to running away.
That rarely solves anything.