L
Lost Soul
Guest
There are a lot of lot of stories of people who were loenly and went crazy. Many are harmless. Some aren't. I guess it depends on their personalities.
There is a lady in my town (haven't seen her in yearas), she used to carry a stick or something and yell at the cars. She would come up to you and talk for a long time, as if you were her best friiend.
Over the holidays, My relatives were over, and there they were talking about how a girl ran away from home (she was about 14 I think, I rember correctly), anyway. She found a shack in the woods and was living there. A halicopter found her, they were using heat sensors. She didn't want to be found.
What happens to all these people? Is it becuase they have bad social skills and just don't fit in? For a long time, I was thinking that my mind would snap and I would go crazy. So far it hasen't happened. I guess I am more stronger then I tought. The stronger you are, the more you go on. I don't know what would happen to me if my mind would snap. I guess I was be in a rage or something.
About me:
Sometimes I pace back and forth and dwell on my problems, think about them over and over gain for about an hour, then I cool off. Sometimes I small things up. I get an urge to do so. Stuff that usually dosen't mean much, my stuff. Like an old radio that no longer works properly. Any electronics that are going to recyclable.
Sometimes, I speak my mind and say stuff without thinking. I honestly think that my problem (speach problem), where I say stuff that dosen't make sense, is has to do with me being loenly. When I got depression. I notice that my eyesight decreased, and still is slowly, my speach is messed up sometimes. I comes and goes, but is most noticebly when I;m upset, or trying to explain something. I would try to explain how something works, which I know completely, but putting it into words, I only get 10% of the information out.
It was never like this before.
Also, I'm different now. I'm insecure and desperate to find someone. It's like when you're in the desert and your running to water (a marauge), and you never get to it, becuase it isn't real. I desperation, frustration. I feel that all the time. It slowly builds up over time. In high schjool, it was really bad. I thought I was going to lose it. That was over 5 years ago. I graduated in 2007. I'm an awkward person, becuase I lackmuch social skills. I don't relate to anyone. I have different interests than everyone. I think differently and have odd thoughts. Everyone wants to go to the clubs, bars hang out, drink and do drugs. I don't want any of that. I don't like crowds that much, so usally stay away. I'm not a party person, especially becuase I feel awkward when around people, like under the microscope. I wear a "mask" in public. I don't show emotions or weakness. I don't know how to act, so I act like a robot. I feel like a robot, becuase I don't have emotions. I can feel some emotions. I can feel love. I haven't felt happy in a long time, and excited. I can't remember the last time I felt excited about anything. That frustrates me when people say "Are you exctied". I say yes. I envy people who have emotions. In high schoolm when I had bad depression, that's when I lost my emotions. Maybe it was in junior high.I have emotions, just not good ones.
I always wanted to be normal, fit in with everyone else, understand them. The feeling of frustration all the time and desperation is changing me. I can not get out of depression, unless I fix that, which I can't seem to do. Being lonely, wanted someone, seems to be the only way to fix it. Unfortunately, it's pretty much impossible in my situation. That is what's driving me crazy. I guess it's different for everyone. How long before my mind just snaps and I go crazy? The way I see it, it's like the bending of wood, or the stretching of an elestic. Sooner or lake, it's gonna break/snap. I'm surprised I've gotten this far, considring how bad of a situationI was in before. I guess it was worse before, maybe. It's mostly girl problems now, which is always on my mind. I always thought about having someone who excepts me, and having one person, who excepts and understands me, makes me feel whole. To be there when I'm upset, to encourage me to do stuff, help me though situations. Do stuff together, go hiking, GeoCaching, or just go on random drives/adventures. It's almost a daily thing to think about. Not a day goes buy, that I don't think about having someone.
I sign onto Facebook, see the updates from my contacts. I see people who talk to their best/close friends, and think of how lucky they are, and they don't realise it. It bothers me when people take things for granted. Things like friendship, and don't think anything else about it, or even a tought goes by what it would be like if they were gone. People cheat on their girlfriends/boyfriends, which really bothers me. I wish those who cheat realisr how lucky they are to even have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and they take advantage of them. Or if there is problem, there is a problem with one, they give up their relationship instead of helping them. Many do that.
Truth is, people don't realise what they have, until they lose it. Me, it dosen't take much. If I had someone who accepts me and is there for me, helps me, that would mean the world. I don't care about being popular, even just one friend, to hang out with, accepts me etc is enough to mean the world.
Same with money. I don't care about big houses and fancy cars. Just a nice house in the woods/country by a lake. or even just in the woods or a private road. Away from people.
People win the lottery and they take it for granted. Buy a big house with 15 bedrooms, have 3 or 4 cars. 1 MIllion dollars. They throw it all away. Even if they spend it on friend, which is geneous, but they think it's an endless amount. What happens to them? They go broke/bankrupt in a year or two. The gotta sell everything, especially if they keep owing money. They end up living in a rundown trailer or become homeless. That's not the reason why I choose not to buy big houses and fancy cars. It is becuase, that's not what I'm into. Heck, if I see a homeless person, if I have some change, I wouldn't mind giving them $20 or $50. I would help them get a place (if they don't spend it on cigerrates/alcohal).
There is a lady in my town (haven't seen her in yearas), she used to carry a stick or something and yell at the cars. She would come up to you and talk for a long time, as if you were her best friiend.
Over the holidays, My relatives were over, and there they were talking about how a girl ran away from home (she was about 14 I think, I rember correctly), anyway. She found a shack in the woods and was living there. A halicopter found her, they were using heat sensors. She didn't want to be found.
What happens to all these people? Is it becuase they have bad social skills and just don't fit in? For a long time, I was thinking that my mind would snap and I would go crazy. So far it hasen't happened. I guess I am more stronger then I tought. The stronger you are, the more you go on. I don't know what would happen to me if my mind would snap. I guess I was be in a rage or something.
About me:
Sometimes I pace back and forth and dwell on my problems, think about them over and over gain for about an hour, then I cool off. Sometimes I small things up. I get an urge to do so. Stuff that usually dosen't mean much, my stuff. Like an old radio that no longer works properly. Any electronics that are going to recyclable.
Sometimes, I speak my mind and say stuff without thinking. I honestly think that my problem (speach problem), where I say stuff that dosen't make sense, is has to do with me being loenly. When I got depression. I notice that my eyesight decreased, and still is slowly, my speach is messed up sometimes. I comes and goes, but is most noticebly when I;m upset, or trying to explain something. I would try to explain how something works, which I know completely, but putting it into words, I only get 10% of the information out.
It was never like this before.
Also, I'm different now. I'm insecure and desperate to find someone. It's like when you're in the desert and your running to water (a marauge), and you never get to it, becuase it isn't real. I desperation, frustration. I feel that all the time. It slowly builds up over time. In high schjool, it was really bad. I thought I was going to lose it. That was over 5 years ago. I graduated in 2007. I'm an awkward person, becuase I lackmuch social skills. I don't relate to anyone. I have different interests than everyone. I think differently and have odd thoughts. Everyone wants to go to the clubs, bars hang out, drink and do drugs. I don't want any of that. I don't like crowds that much, so usally stay away. I'm not a party person, especially becuase I feel awkward when around people, like under the microscope. I wear a "mask" in public. I don't show emotions or weakness. I don't know how to act, so I act like a robot. I feel like a robot, becuase I don't have emotions. I can feel some emotions. I can feel love. I haven't felt happy in a long time, and excited. I can't remember the last time I felt excited about anything. That frustrates me when people say "Are you exctied". I say yes. I envy people who have emotions. In high schoolm when I had bad depression, that's when I lost my emotions. Maybe it was in junior high.I have emotions, just not good ones.
I always wanted to be normal, fit in with everyone else, understand them. The feeling of frustration all the time and desperation is changing me. I can not get out of depression, unless I fix that, which I can't seem to do. Being lonely, wanted someone, seems to be the only way to fix it. Unfortunately, it's pretty much impossible in my situation. That is what's driving me crazy. I guess it's different for everyone. How long before my mind just snaps and I go crazy? The way I see it, it's like the bending of wood, or the stretching of an elestic. Sooner or lake, it's gonna break/snap. I'm surprised I've gotten this far, considring how bad of a situationI was in before. I guess it was worse before, maybe. It's mostly girl problems now, which is always on my mind. I always thought about having someone who excepts me, and having one person, who excepts and understands me, makes me feel whole. To be there when I'm upset, to encourage me to do stuff, help me though situations. Do stuff together, go hiking, GeoCaching, or just go on random drives/adventures. It's almost a daily thing to think about. Not a day goes buy, that I don't think about having someone.
I sign onto Facebook, see the updates from my contacts. I see people who talk to their best/close friends, and think of how lucky they are, and they don't realise it. It bothers me when people take things for granted. Things like friendship, and don't think anything else about it, or even a tought goes by what it would be like if they were gone. People cheat on their girlfriends/boyfriends, which really bothers me. I wish those who cheat realisr how lucky they are to even have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and they take advantage of them. Or if there is problem, there is a problem with one, they give up their relationship instead of helping them. Many do that.
Truth is, people don't realise what they have, until they lose it. Me, it dosen't take much. If I had someone who accepts me and is there for me, helps me, that would mean the world. I don't care about being popular, even just one friend, to hang out with, accepts me etc is enough to mean the world.
Same with money. I don't care about big houses and fancy cars. Just a nice house in the woods/country by a lake. or even just in the woods or a private road. Away from people.
People win the lottery and they take it for granted. Buy a big house with 15 bedrooms, have 3 or 4 cars. 1 MIllion dollars. They throw it all away. Even if they spend it on friend, which is geneous, but they think it's an endless amount. What happens to them? They go broke/bankrupt in a year or two. The gotta sell everything, especially if they keep owing money. They end up living in a rundown trailer or become homeless. That's not the reason why I choose not to buy big houses and fancy cars. It is becuase, that's not what I'm into. Heck, if I see a homeless person, if I have some change, I wouldn't mind giving them $20 or $50. I would help them get a place (if they don't spend it on cigerrates/alcohal).
