What has been said to you about your singledom?

[Triple Bogey]

Sadly enough, there ARE ugly people dating sites. People are horrible. No one is ugly, IMO, and that includes TB.

I did join one a few years back and got scammed by this Russian.
The women on there weren't ugly.

---

Sadly enough, there ARE ugly people dating sites. People are horrible. No one is ugly, IMO, and that includes TB.

Well... Honestly... Shouldn't everyone be included? Us uglies need lovin' too.

Nilla, you are NOT ugly :club:

But, yes, everyone is included, I just specified TB because it was his post I was replying to and it's pretty well known that we don't get along too well. lol

really ?
I thought we got on okay !

---

I had this questionnaire to fill in at work.
One question was about sexual preference.
This woman said she was going to write 'doggy style'
Off topic a bit but it made us all laugh.

 

[samsara]

My parents always criticise me for not having a girlfriend. My friends on the other hand couldn't care less and never bring it up.

Yeah, I get that a lot lately.
Since I have a brother that is already married, the focus is now on me and the pressure builds every week

Sometimes I am seen as the outcast of the family for not following what they want.
Hoping for better days..

 

[SofiasMami]

No, they can't. They probably just wanted you to believe they could.

Ahh, no... they did get away with it. Answer or, don't the job. What am I going to do file a lawsuit? Right.

I agree, you need to choose your battles. That one isn't worth fighting. I wouldn't accept a position there, though. The translation of "Do you have a husband and kids" is "Do you have a husband and kids and if so why aren't you home with them instead of being an uppity career girl?"

Back on topic, people ask me "Are you still single?" "You haven't met anyone yet?" "You'll meet the love of your life when you least expect it!"
That last one always makes me cringe!

-Teresa

 

[VanillaCreme]

No, they can't. They probably just wanted you to believe they could.

Ahh, no... they did get away with it. Answer or, don't the job. What am I going to do file a lawsuit? Right.

You could. Or you could have just said that you didn't see how it was relevant. Or just got up and walked out if it offended you so. There's all sorts of way to handle that type of deal.

 

[Tiina63]

"You're alone by choice, aren't you?"


I hate it when people have this assumption about me. It seems that, if you reach a certain age and are unmarried, then many do assume this. But being seen as 'pathetic' or 'desperate' for still hoping to find someone hurts me just as much. It seems we can't win.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

Honestly, almost no one believes me I´m serious when I say I will not have girlfriend, and later kids or wife. They just shrug it off as nonsense.
And for those who believe I´m at least talking seriously:
,,You´ll grow out of it"
Is what I was told.

On the other hand, me being like this is not much of a common knowledge, so I may have heard many more opinions if more people were told.

 

[Tiina63]

"Just put yourself out there" well, this might work if someone notices and cares that you are "out there" .. wherever "there" is .. but if nobody gives a honeysuckle you're still screwed.
"Just focus on something else ...." seems to be just another way of being told you should give up.
"Fake it until you make it" except, of course, you never do make it, because you end up being branded a fake and a liar.
"You're still young ...." seems to be often said by older people who are in a relationship.
"You're lucky ...." another one that seems to be said by people who either have chosen to be single, or who aren't single, and definitely won't end their relationship.
"Just smile!" similar to the first one, in that if nobody cares it has no effect ... and in my experience, often only entices abusive comments from strangers.
"Do what makes YOU happy" well, being able to share the things I like with someone, go out with someone, and share affection and intimacy is what would make me happy .....

Plus of course the already mentioned "It will happen when you least expect it", and "You'll find someone one day ..."

I hate all of these as well as examples of the crap things which people say to us. I'm sorry you have had to endure them as well
Cucuboth.
1. People have said to me 'Oh, you just need to go out,' and then they are taken aback when I tell them I have an active social life. I want to ask them- am I supposed to wear a sign on my forehead saying 'I'm single and looking for someone. How about you?'
2. Just focus on something else-yes, as you say, this means basically just to give up. People who say this one are usually happily partnered and have been for years. They have forgotten how deep the longing for a relationship can be and how much the support they derive from that relationship has made them who they are and has given them the ability to focus on other things as well.
3. You're still young-I am now too old for this one:-(
4. You're lucky-mainly said by those who are not too happy in their relationship or those who imagine the prolonged single life to be something like fulltime student life with parties, lack of many responsibilities and cheap travel going on forever, forgetting that it loses its attraction the older you get.
5. Do what makes You happy-and then be told by those in relationships how selfish you are for concentrating on your own hobbies and interests etc and that this is why you haven't found anyone.

Sometimes all we want is for someone to acknowledge our loneliness and longing to share our lives, without being handed cliches and platitudes. Someone simply to meet us where we are.

 

[Skid Row 89]

My parents always criticise me for not having a girlfriend. My friends on the other hand couldn't care less and never bring it up.

Yeah, I get that a lot lately.
Since I have a brother that is already married, the focus is now on me and the pressure builds every week

Sometimes I am seen as the outcast of the family for not following what they want.
Hoping for better days..

I wouldn't worry about it, you'll be doing yourself no favors if you do!

 

[Frostburn]

Harshest thing I have heard was probably said during argument with my sister when she said that "You are ugly and you will never be loved because of your face." Then the same old clichés of "You will meet someone eventually." "You are still young." etc.

Nicest thing said about it was from a friend "There will be many women who will be into you or who would love you. You are amazing."

Luckily only ignorant relatives ever bring the topic up anymore when they inquire information about my future marriage and family. Everybody close to me knows my situation and knows that I don't want to talk about it. When I have to talk about this with anyone I feel so alienated from everyone else when people my age typically have atleast one relationship ongoing or behind them.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Harshest thing I have heard was probably said during argument with my sister when she said that "You are ugly and you will never be loved because of your face." Then the same old clichés of "You will meet someone eventually." "You are still young." etc.

Nicest thing said about it was from a friend "There will be many women who will be into you or who would love you. You are amazing."

Luckily only ignorant relatives ever bring the topic up anymore when they inquire information about my future marriage and family. Everybody close to me knows my situation and knows that I don't want to talk about it. When I have to talk about this with anyone I feel so alienated from everyone else when people my age typically have atleast one relationship ongoing or behind them.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I saw a picture of you once, Frost. If I don't have you confused with someone else, your sister is dead wrong. I'm not just patronizing you either. I completely disagree with her. I'm inclined to agree with the friend who said you were amazing.

 

[Frostburn]

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I saw a picture of you once, Frost. If I don't have you confused with someone else, your sister is dead wrong. I'm not just patronizing you either. I completely disagree with her. I'm inclined to agree with the friend who said you were amazing.

Heh, thank you Eve. In the end she didn't really mean it either. She just has mental issues of her own that cause her to become manipulative and hurtful when angered and she used the fact I confided with her about my fears against me.

Some years back I was more inclined to believe false statements about my appearence and depression does ugly things to what you see in the mirror. When I'm feeling better I can see there is nothing wrong with my face, but it is hard to shed off totally all the insecurities.

It is funny. After posting I started to think more what people actually have said to me about this and vast majority of people have been supportive and encouraging. Maybe it is really just the fact that I haven't met the right person. I guess this would be the case with virtually everyone here who have been single for long time (or so I hope). All those people can't be wrong, right?

 

[Darrell_Licht]

Nothing really. I don't bring the matter up at all. I kind of knew I would struggle with that sort of thing. Not so much with attracting anyone, but getting my head around being in a long term relationship or even wanting one. Despite how I would like more harmony and affection in my life.

I feel most people I know don't really comprehend that i'm really a pretty lonely guy. They tend to have this preconceived notion that i'm 'out slaying something'.

I feel the relationship dynamic of your parents leaves a lasting impression with your future prospects. My folks were very miserable when I was growing up. Nowadays they couldn't be anymore complacent with each other. At least they don't fight so much.

With that said, all my siblings marriages/relationships turned out very turbulent. I feel there is this unspoken notion among us that there would be some ineptitude with my relationship pursuits. So nobody bothers me so much. If anything, I feel it's a part of what my siblings hold against me.

With my extended family who don't know me well enough tend to express the most concern.

I have this Russian co worker who is old enough to be my mother who always jumps my honeysuckle about that. She's always trying to find me some strange. LOL. "Darrell, what is wrong, why don't you have wife?"..

---

"Are you gay?"

That's one of the first things they think of. lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

"Are you gay?"

That's one of the first things they think of. lol

Are people really asked that? What, gay people can't have mates? Last time I checked, they did, just like straight people can. Even if a dude was gay, he could still have a boyfriend.

Thoughtless people. :club:

 

[ABrokenMan]

I've had that comment flailed my way several times.
"He (me) must be gay, I've never seen him with a girlfriend"
or
"He must not like girls."
One positive quality about myself: I am not, or have ever been a judgmental person. I accept people for who they are, and try to understand their shortcomings, even if they affected me in negative light.
I know i m in a very small minority, based upon situations discussed above.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

It's not my problem they think i'm homosexual. Or anything else.

The posturing is always a challenge to deal with.

 

[EveWasFramed]

What, gay people can't have mates?

LOL....that's exactly what popped into my head.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

That I'm incorrigible....

 

[EveWasFramed]

That I'm incorrigible....

I sometimes tell my kid that. lol

 

[ardour]

Harshest thing I have heard was probably said during argument with my sister when she said that "You are ugly and you will never be loved because of your face."

Terrible thing to say to family (unless you were 5.) It doesn't sound like she deserves you as a brother.

 

[Frostburn]

Terrible thing to say to family (unless you were 5.) It doesn't sound like she deserves you as a brother.

Heh, thank you for thinking so highly of me.

Usually it is the opposite. Family is the worst. When you are so closely related you take the good with the bad. We weren't children back then, but this happened quite many years ago. During our teenage years we fought alot. I wasn't a saint either when it came to our relationship. When people cross a line with me I can be incredibly cold, calculated and cruel. It was always her that ended up storming out from our arguments in tears. But we are both older now and while we are still two very different people we don't have bad blood between us. Family is family afterall.

Are people really asked that? What, gay people can't have mates? Last time I checked, they did, just like straight people can. Even if a dude was gay, he could still have a boyfriend.

I assume that in people's heads gay people have harder time finding each other considering that there is less of them and probably many of them still feel the need to hide their orientation. Hence the idea of you not having any significant other is more acceptable.

When it comes to being asked if you are gay, one of my fears has actually been if people suspect that about me. None have luckily said it aloud, but it is something that would be hurtful to hear. It isn't the fact that being gay per se would be somehow wrong, but it comes down to being insulted as heterosexual man. That your sexual prowness is so weak and meaningless you might aswell be gay since you haven't been able to attract a woman. It isn't really rational way to think about it, but that is what it comes down to.