What I'm really for?

[annik]

You do not need someone complex, stay away from those people. The internet might be a great place for you to find one, but I would caution you against "normal" meeting/dating sites they will have the guys you are trying to avoid. You need to find your own insightful socially awkward guy, someone you can teach and learn from. someone you can grow with in developing your personalities all the while developing your relationship. In the end you'll be so intertwined you'll have exactly what you want. My point, shoot for someone you may not be drawn to initially as your tendency will be to find someone that complements what you perceive as your failings, this is what you have been doing all along and it won't work because finding someone to fix you is attempting to use someone and you. Know exactly how that turns out. Find an equal, someone you can grow with.

I think thats really a good point and great advice.

I'm not really talking about looking for dates though I'm talking about friendships. I'm not interested in the guy I talked about in my first post. We just get on because we have a shared interest and similar music tastes. We just chat, I'd probably never meet him.

I think its right that I need to toughen up in terms of what I'll stand for over friendships / relationships and I'm going to take that on into the future with me. However as I keep saying I don't think of this man as an internet creep I think of him as a (casual maybe) friend. I've found that men can be very touchy if you bring this stuff up and I didn't want to hurt feeling and stuff. I guess I just felt pissed that when I mentioned something serious he just disappeared. I've not heard a thing since. Now maybe there's a reason for that but it just didn't sit well.

 

[gremlin]

I feel the same way. Like Im treated as a sex object only. I don't get guys interested in anything more than sex or talking naughty. While I don't have a problem with sex, I, like you, want much more. I want the cuddling and tenderness. On a big level I beleive its my job that puts these jerks into my atmosphere. I've met what I thought were nice guys invite them to hang out and first thing I've had them do is grab my but or breast, motorboat my bosom or just go straight for a kiss. And I should have kicked them out right there, but I'm a bit of a push over so I just stop further degradation and don't talk to them again once they leave. A lot of people in my industry don't think a relationship is probable or even possible so its not often up for offer and most of the time when it is its a shell game from a man who turns out to be married. I've.just about given up on the hope of love. I've decided if somebody shows interest in me, well be friends and see where it goes. But I am done being objectified, and like you said as soon as things get heavy or I stop being fun they disappear. I just hope my lonely desperation allows me to keep that vow. I don't know what advice to offer, as I'm in the same boat with you, wondering why the pretty girls have all the luck.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

You know, I'm seeing something consistently funny (and simultaneously sad) when I read these boards.

All the nice girls posting seem to get obsessive, unwanted attention from hormone-driven, binge-drinking simpletons who just want a sex object they can get freaky with rather than an actual partner.

All the nice guys posting are normally being ignored by the girl of their desires in favour of a hormone-driven, binge-drinking simpleton looking for a sex object!

Somehow, the wrong people are meeting the wrong people. Maybe a relationship occurs when two nice people meet up? That's what I'd like to think anyway

Anyway, directly to the OP: Yeah, be happy that he started sending you that sort of thing. It's kind of like a guy's natural "dickishness" indicator. You should get alarm bells go off when that happens and know immediately that you don't really want to get involved with him, friends or otherwise.

I know that I wouldn't dream of sending "dirty" messages to girls I'm not extremely intimate with, so it astonishes me that some other guys do to be honest.

 

[gremlin]

I agree with you solitary man. I see the same sad pattern on these boards, and in sympathetic friends feeling just as alone in their life. One line keeps resounding through my mind "look at all the lonely people, where do they all come from, all the lonely people, where do they all belong"

 

[annik]

Somehow, the wrong people are meeting the wrong people. Maybe a relationship occurs when two nice people meet up? That's what I'd like to think anyway

I like this quote! and I agree a lot too. I probably should just forget about him as as you say he's shown himself to be a bit of a dick. Its just sad when you think you've got a friend. Plus he's a grown up in his 30s with a kid so I would have thought he'd be of a level where he could have female friends without this crap. Guess not.

Thanks gremlin too for your reply. I'm really sorry you have to go through the same sorts of things. I guess, depressingly, a lot of women do.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

I think you nailed it on the head Solitaire.

And Annik I'm not trying to steal any sympathy or anything but men go through this sort of thing as well. I've watched my one male friend go through the 'cycle' several times thanks to some very precarious and promiscuous women.


Just can't win.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I feel the same way. Like Im treated as a sex object only. I don't get guys interested in anything more than sex or talking naughty. While I don't have a problem with sex, I, like you, want much more. I want the cuddling and tenderness. On a big level I beleive its my job that puts these jerks into my atmosphere. I've met what I thought were nice guys invite them to hang out and first thing I've had them do is grab my but or breast, motorboat my bosom or just go straight for a kiss. And I should have kicked them out right there, but I'm a bit of a push over so I just stop further degradation and don't talk to them again once they leave. A lot of people in my industry don't think a relationship is probable or even possible so its not often up for offer and most of the time when it is its a shell game from a man who turns out to be married. I've.just about given up on the hope of love. I've decided if somebody shows interest in me, well be friends and see where it goes. But I am done being objectified, and like you said as soon as things get heavy or I stop being fun they disappear. I just hope my lonely desperation allows me to keep that vow. I don't know what advice to offer, as I'm in the same boat with you, wondering why the pretty girls have all the luck.

It's always sad to hear things like that from a girl.. And it's fools like those men who discourage those who are serious about having a nice girl as a friend and such..its sickening.

PS. Motorboat?

 

[annik]

PS. Motorboat?

I had pretty much no idea what that is...Though I didn't know what "the walk of shame" or whatever you call it was either...

Yeah its a shame anyone has to go through this male or female.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

PS. Motorboat?

Motorboat...

 

[annik]

PS. Motorboat?

Motorboat...

And now I know why I had no idea what that was...

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

Yea...sorry to be the one to inform you.

 

[annik]

Its never gonna be something to trouble me...and I thank you for linking to a description rather than an image.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Stupid question, but why would you want to do...that...anyway? :\

I guess I'm like annik, I can write it off as something that is not a pressing concern

 

[annik]

I think mainly because the person is drunk?...though yeah I have no idea but then I'm a girlie!

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

Stupid question, but why would you want to do...that...anyway? :\

I guess I'm like annik, I can write it off as something that is not a pressing concern

I think mainly because the person is drunk?...though yeah I have no idea but then I'm a girlie!

I am unable to reference either of you to a resource with that information.

You're on your own. Haha.

 

[annik]

I feel let down!

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just so everyone knows;

Lesbians are better.

Problem solved Annik.

 

[gremlin]

i have no idea why it is amusing to some guys. they just think its fun or funny. :club:

 

[IgnoredOne]

Its amusing in a very retarded way. I'm rather into kinkier stuff, but that's just...hilariously stupid.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

I feel let down!

You asked for it...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081019174044AAt3jA3



Personally it just seems like a gag, something fun/funny to do. ::shrug::