What is wrong with me?

[RunningAlone]

I am a senior in high school this year. Before I explain my situation I'd like it to be known that I am not a unpopular person. I am very well liked by the students at my high school. I was voted onto Prom Court, voted MVP/Team Captain of my schools Cross-Country and Track teams.

My problem is that I hate social interactions with people. I feel incredibly lonely at home, and constantly crave true friendship. However, when I leave my home to be with people I feel nothing less than pure hatred for the people I am with. I see every decision they make and every sentence they utter to be infuriating. I hardly ever show this feeling, I just go along with it and pretend to enjoy myself.

This problem has gone on for about three years now. I don't understand how I can feel so lonely; yet, detest social contact with every fiber of my being. Does anyone else feel this way, and/or know any way to remedy it?

 

[Matt]

Wow, you've definitely got an interesting story. I can't really imagine anyone being so popular hating social interaction, though I can definitely relate with you being annoyed at other people. Personally, I'm quick to notice what I perceive as flaws in other people. =/

And like you, I always keep a facade of superficial pleasantness.

Well, I don't have any solutions, considering I'm somewhat of a misanthrope myself, though I do wish you luck. \m/

 

[Silvernight]

Well, this is an extremely interesting case to say the least. I don't want to put any labels but might it be some kind of psychological disorder? It may not be that at all but, just in case, you might want to research it or, better yet, consult a psychologist.

I wish I could be more helpful but this sounds like nothing I heard before. Myself, even when I don't like a person for one reason or another, it rarely goes beyond mild to moderate dislike, and never for everyone, so I can't relate.

 

[Nat]

I know this feeling.
Do you by any chance (not in an arrogant way) sometimes feel 'above' these people? That you are right?
You see the sheeple for what they are. (heh, I'm starting to sound more and more like a mad man every day)

 

[RunningAlone]

I know this feeling.
Do you by any chance (not in an arrogant way) sometimes feel 'above' these people? That you are right?
You see the sheeple for what they are. (heh, I'm starting to sound more and more like a mad man every day)

You've hit the nail on the head! The only difference is it is 99% of the time rather than sometimes. I really feel like Rodian Romanovitch Raskolnikov from the novel Crime and Punishment. I feel like I have a good heart ( I believe that I have very good morals and values ); however, I do feel like I am better than most people I meet.

I've thought about talking to a psychiatrist about it, but then I would have to consult my parents with this problem. I would prefer it if they wouldn't know about such problems in my life. Thanks for the replys everyone!

 

[human_condition]

Haha, I'm kind of like that. Depending on what mood I'm in.

I either feel above them or way below them.

 

[Matt]

Yup, I know what you mean. By the way, if you like Dostoevsky, you should consider reading Notes From Underground - the main character of that book is our role model.

 

[Nat]

I know this feeling.
Do you by any chance (not in an arrogant way) sometimes feel 'above' these people? That you are right?
You see the sheeple for what they are. (heh, I'm starting to sound more and more like a mad man every day)

You've hit the nail on the head! The only difference is it is 99% of the time rather than sometimes. I really feel like Rodian Romanovitch Raskolnikov from the novel Crime and Punishment. I feel like I have a good heart ( I believe that I have very good morals and values ); however, I do feel like I am better than most people I meet.

I've thought about talking to a psychiatrist about it, but then I would have to consult my parents with this problem. I would prefer it if they wouldn't know about such problems in my life. Thanks for the replys everyone!

I used the word sometimes to refrain from accidentally offending.
I'm also alot like this. I used to wonder whether It was me that was wrong or the rest of the world....
Now I know its both.

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

Oh lord do I ever...but did you ever think that maybe thinking this way is what makes you so lonely? I am not saying that you should embrace these people whole-heartedly, people, in high-school especially can be very cruel and severly misguided. What I am saying is, those people are humans too, with just as much of a capacity to feel and and think as you. They may be blind and lost, but this should not be a source of hatred and disgust for you. Instead focus on ways in which you connect with them, show some empathy. Maybe you are so revolted by them because you see something of yourself in them that you don't like? I don't know...just a thought. I don't mean this to be condescending, even though as I read back over this it sure sounds that way. Meh, I am too lazy too rewrite it, haha. As I have said, I find myself feeling this way a lot as well, but I really don't like it, it's a dangerous way to think. Oh, and find some new friends that remind you of the POSITIVE qualities of humankind, there are plenty here!!

 

[Presence]

Probably afriad of rejection.

 

[RunningAlone]

Probably afriad of rejection.

I wouldn't say that I am afraid of rejection. I'm constantly being asked to do something and have gained the reputation of being "anti-social." Not the psychological disorder, just don't like being around people.

iwasaloverb4thiswar, I konw your not being condescending. I agree with what you're saying, but I can't put it into practice. Every time I meet someone, my first reaction is, "Finally someone who doesn't bug the hell out of me!" Thirty minutes later I will notice some quality in that person that makes me see him/her as an idiot.

I think this problem is a psychological disorder, and more than likely, something I will never get over. Thanks for understanding everyone!

 

[Nat]

Depression is a psychological disorder. Doesn't mean you cant get over it.
And for that matter, happiness is too, Its just one people like to hold on to, for more obvious reasons.

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

Depression is a psychological disorder. Doesn't mean you cant get over it.
And for that matter, happiness is too, Its just one people like to hold on to, for more obvious reasons.

yeah i agree, then i don't...but either way I think the mind is a powerful thing and you can make just about anything real for yourself...check out some of the crazy research on buddhist monks if you don't believe me. this is not a plug for buddhism btw, there are plenty of other examples but i am too tired to try to think of them... Anyway i don't even know what my point was anymore...ummm....ah well i guess I mean to say hang in there buddy, senior year is a time when a lot of us start to become a little frayed at the seams. and maybe this new disinterest in your old friends (and everyone) is just a sign that you ready to move on to new things...a way to shed your old shell or some other equally cliche metaphor. lol. well thats all i got...

oh, and nat? no i don't listen to much zappa, though i have heard some of his stuff. maybe you can reccomend your highlights of his collection and I will give it a go?

 

[Einsam]

I think the answer's pretty simple. You just haven't found anyone you like. Once you find people you like, interacting with them won't seem like such a chore.

 

[Outlawstarl337]

It funny to me running that im the opposite of you. I have the uncanning ability to get people to hate me and i dont do it on perpis. i have a abstract thinking patteron so everyone thinks im an idiot or insane. I hate most people i know exept a small circale of friends i have. I uswally see the resons why people would hate me and i just deal with it.

 

[Leon]

I can relate to what RunningAlone feels. I am also considered popular among my peers, yet I feel it is tiredsome to interect with others as I many times feel that I have nothing to tell them. This is usually because I cannot see any depth in anything they have to say.

Nonetheless, there is people who I consider to be my closer friends; they are smart people to whom I can share the depth of my mind, just as they will share theirs.

I advise not judging people right off. Use your observation skills to notice with whom you'll have a shallow relationship and with whom you'll have a more in-depth relationship.

 

[liposuctionlol]

i know how you feel
it all depends on the people who you hang out with
some people will make you terribly mad for no reason
i think its conflicting personalties
but you should try to find different people to spend time with

 

[bookbinder]

Dear RunningAlone,

Not to be blunt or anything, but who the fresia are you?

In other words, here's something that might cure you: as soon as you start to think you're better than somebody else or you can't stand to be around someone, just know that there's somebody else who feels the exact same way about you. That oughta do it.

Yours Truly,
-zraskolnikov

 

[Outlawstarl337]

Dear RunningAlone,

just know that there's somebody else who feels the exact same way about you.

man that true and funny in a sad way

 

[Qui]

hah, I'm the oppostite. I think so poorly of myself. I'm disgusting, I don't deserve to have anyone stand beside me. But for some reason, there are people in thins life whom I cherish that seem to have found it in their hearts to embrace my worthless peculiarities and take the time to befriend me.
I'm so insensitive and careless, I hate it. It kills me to think my carelessness could inadvertantly hurt someone.
I think people are precious, perfect in their flaws. But I, I am disgusting.