What other people think

[eyesonly]

Do you ever notice just how much time and energy you spend worrying about what other people think about you? I've never thought of myself as overly "superficial" or whatever, and I tend to believe strongly that people should just "be themselves," but when I stop to notice my own thinking it just kind of amazes me how often I'm worrying about how other people might perceive something I say or do (or post online - haha!)

We worry about what people think about our clothes, our hair, our bodies, our faces, our speech, how much money we make, where we live, our cars, our jobs, just about everything you can imagine. I realize that human beings evolved as a social species and that we have strong instincts to try to be aware of how our social groups see us. But I just have a hard time feeling like the amount of worrying most of us do about how we're seen by others can actually be beneficial. In some ways I feel like this problem is getting worse in society.

Any thoughts?

 

[Skid Row 89]

Do you ever notice just how much time and energy you spend worrying about what other people think about you? I've never thought of myself as overly "superficial" or whatever, and I tend to believe strongly that people should just "be themselves," but when I stop to notice my own thinking it just kind of amazes me how often I'm worrying about how other people might perceive something I say or do (or post online - haha!)

We worry about what people think about our clothes, our hair, our bodies, our faces, our speech, how much money we make, where we live, our cars, our jobs, just about everything you can imagine. I realize that human beings evolved as a social species and that we have strong instincts to try to be aware of how our social groups see us. But I just have a hard time feeling like the amount of worrying most of us do about how we're seen by others can actually be beneficial. In some ways I feel like this problem is getting worse in society.

Any thoughts?

We all care about what others think to some extent. In fact I think I'm one of the worst cases of caring about what others think

 

[Tealeaf]

Well, part of my problem is that except for when my father was teaching me to read or about geology, my parents never once praised me or said anything positive to or about me that I can remember between the constant criticism and/or neglect. I've mostly forgiven them at this point, but I wound up desperate for some validation and encouragement from the rest of the world in place of what children are supposed to get from their parents (I was giddy all week every time a professor complimented something as small as my typing speed) and it persists to this day.

 

[bodafuko]

I don't give a **** about anything anyone thinks about me - which I would describe as an ideal situation.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Practice the fine art of not giving a ****.

 

[edamame721]

I usually don't care too much about what strangers think of me, but I do care about what my family and friends think. Unfortunately, one of my friends was hyper-sensitive about keeping up appearances and unfortunately, infected me with their way of thinking. It's hard to go back to trying to interact with people genuinely, if you're always thinking they're judging you.

I'm glad for the people who've learned to let go of this way of viewing this world, and hope to be able to get it back someday. *hugs*

 

[eyesonly]

Practice the fine art of not giving a ****.

I'm glad for the people who've learn to let go of this way of viewing this world, and hope to be able to get it back someday.

Yes, I think that's the right direction to move in. Often the people who judge you harshly don't really care that much about you to begin with. A lot of times they don't even really know you. If you change yourself to suit them, why would they care if that involves giving up some part of yourself that's important to you? They'll be off living their own lives and you'll be stuck wondering how you got so far away from the things that matter to you.

 

[el Jay]

Do you ever notice just how much time and energy you spend worrying about what other people think about you? I've never thought of myself as overly "superficial" or whatever, and I tend to believe strongly that people should just "be themselves," but when I stop to notice my own thinking it just kind of amazes me how often I'm worrying about how other people might perceive something I say or do (or post online - haha!)

We worry about what people think about our clothes, our hair, our bodies, our faces, our speech, how much money we make, where we live, our cars, our jobs, just about everything you can imagine. I realize that human beings evolved as a social species and that we have strong instincts to try to be aware of how our social groups see us. But I just have a hard time feeling like the amount of worrying most of us do about how we're seen by others can actually be beneficial. In some ways I feel like this problem is getting worse in society.

Any thoughts?

Well, the more I see other people, I wonder how they go about their day NOT worrying what others think. Everywhere I go there's arrogant people. People who are proudly ignorant, or obstinate. Selfish and narcissistic people who believe it's all about them.

Granted, they're probably only a smaller percentage of people than they seem, but even the nicer ones don't seem affected by other people. Or maybe they're comfortable enough with themselves that they don't even think about it. And maybe the ruder ones are aware of how others see them, but just wait and take it out on someone else later, like their spouse or children, or employees at their workplace (especially if they're a boss).

That's how I see this issue relating to other people, because if everyone felt about this topic like I do, no one would ever do anything for fear of everyone hating them for it.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

Surprisingly enough, in terms of appearance, unless someone point something out to me, I rarely worry. I think I'm so out of touch socially that I'm really not sure what to worry about, so I don't worry all that much unless someone insults me, calls me out about something specific, or something along those lines. This is one of the few situations where I accept the idea that "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."

I do worry a bit more about how people perceive my actions or the things I say, but I can generally get my points across, so I can't really complain.

I spent most of my time being ignored and blending into the wallpaper. People didn't really acknowledge me in a negative or positive way. I was never really sure what people thought of me, but I will say that the negative reactions outweighed the positive reactions, especially when I was younger. Though I rarely show it, I really appreciate compliments (more so about my artistic creations and my thoughts, not how I look).

 

[duff]

I don't give a **** about anything anyone thinks about me - which I would describe as an ideal situation.

best thing to do.

 

[Okiedokes]

Yes, it is such a waste of energy but seems unavoidable. Especially when it comes to family/friends. To not be understood is bothersome to me. I do know I should not care though.. because there are plenty of people who DO understand. Not everyone is going to nor should I expect that.

I guess it kind of helps to know that everyone is criticized and has been made fun of at some point or insulted in some form. It's something that is not going to stop but we can try to change our reactions to it.

 

[eyesonly]

Well, the more I see other people, I wonder how they go about their day NOT worrying what others think. Everywhere I go there's arrogant people. People who are proudly ignorant, or obstinate. Selfish and narcissistic people who believe it's all about them.

Yes, I've seen that as well. It's actually a big gripe I have with people. In a strange way it almost seems like excessive self-consciousness and excessive arrogance are sort of co-existing in society, sometimes in the same person. Maybe they're sort of "opposite sides of the same coin" or whatever. I think a lot of times people who come off as arrogant and narcissistic may really be overcompensating for a lack of true confidence in themselves. It could be that if we knew the private thoughts of these people (not that you would really want to), it would be apparent that they worried excessively about how people saw their clothes, their weight, their cars, their online profiles, etc. Then again, some people are just a**holes.

 

[lonelyfairy]

This is so common to me. I wish I could think much more positively, those negative thoughts take much energy.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I feel worried all the time cause I get so shy around people and never know how people will react by what I say or think. I'm very open minded and tend to speak freely cause I love expressing myself about how I feel. I wish my mind wouldn't race as much but worrying takes so much of my energy. I love who I am, but yet I still worry sometimes. It's really frustrating and tiring.

 

[JustALonelyGuy]

Do you ever notice just how much time and energy you spend worrying about what other people think about you? I've never thought of myself as overly "superficial" or whatever, and I tend to believe strongly that people should just "be themselves," but when I stop to notice my own thinking it just kind of amazes me how often I'm worrying about how other people might perceive something I say or do (or post online - haha!)

We worry about what people think about our clothes, our hair, our bodies, our faces, our speech, how much money we make, where we live, our cars, our jobs, just about everything you can imagine. I realize that human beings evolved as a social species and that we have strong instincts to try to be aware of how our social groups see us. But I just have a hard time feeling like the amount of worrying most of us do about how we're seen by others can actually be beneficial. In some ways I feel like this problem is getting worse in society.

Any thoughts?

My thought is that society, and it's been going on for a long time is the 'conditioning' of being 'part of the crowd'. To be accepted, just as they dress or have their hair, what music they lsiten what poltics or religion you follow etc.

You see this in 'celebrity worship today' but when you dig deeper, you see it as 'jsut a tool' to keep thinkin that 'this is all there is' the physical entity (body, outside appearence), the body that they are in. So they live in fear, indulin in the acceptance of the material world. But it isnt real, we must remmber we are much more than what the 'false world' made up of the controlled media etc tells us, which is tells us everyday 'vigourosly' that they must 'conform' to these ideals. sadly, alot of misguided people 'buy' into this philosophy creating masses of people who all look and dress as society and the system says. Yes, a goth, or someone may look different to a prep or jock , but its the same concept.

Its a dead end system when you see that it jsut creates division amongst us and fools people into thinkin 'they know all there is to know about style etc' and then they see someone who doesnt follow them, it gets thir mind thinking 'he or she isnt one of us, they are inferior' and they go into 'attack mode' with namecalling, labelling or dissaproving looks or a 'glare of disgust'

Its also a very difficult thin to break from. But its not impossible. We are here to be the best we can be, to evolve and explore who we truly are, as opposed to followin traps set by 'the system' which leads us into this sort of thinkin. To enslave us, and fill us of fear of eachother.

Imagine without this destructive system how much happy and tolerant we would be of eachother. Wed be in unity, accceptin with love and celebrating 'real diversity' with the purest of intentions.

I myself, have seen it for really is, the games and the tactics they play and use on us which plays us off agianst eachother.

It isnt jsut about 'physical appearence either. Its about behviour, the way you talk, religion, status and the poltics people are led to by the same destructive system. Leading to more judgement and people bein manipulated into bein a certain way. Yous ee it everday if you look around you. Look how smoking was once so popular in the 50s and 60s, yet 60 years later, its frowned upon with disgust.

Don't be fooled into believing 'everything' they say about smoking, in the next 20 or 30 years, youll be a 'phariah' for even sipping a beer or glass of wine. Even in moderation. It's how they operate. Big pharma is BIG lie! Look at how people hate on people who smoke now (you must be an evil person, you have a cigarette! there's no good in you!). Again, another example of people bein 'played agianst' eachother. One big chess set.

Once you break free from all these 'false ideals'a nd illusions the system creates, you are truly 'free' and you dont care about all these things that are nothin more than 'distractions' or 'illusions'

I hope this helps you on your journey. Be free.

In peace and love,

Chris

 

[Misanthrope23]

I don't give a **** about anything anyone thinks about me - which I would describe as an ideal situation.

i would but i wish i wasn't so paranoid about who i am

---

Do you ever notice just how much time and energy you spend worrying about what other people think about you? I've never thought of myself as overly "superficial" or whatever, and I tend to believe strongly that people should just "be themselves," but when I stop to notice my own thinking it just kind of amazes me how often I'm worrying about how other people might perceive something I say or do (or post online - haha!)

We worry about what people think about our clothes, our hair, our bodies, our faces, our speech, how much money we make, where we live, our cars, our jobs, just about everything you can imagine. I realize that human beings evolved as a social species and that we have strong instincts to try to be aware of how our social groups see us. But I just have a hard time feeling like the amount of worrying most of us do about how we're seen by others can actually be beneficial. In some ways I feel like this problem is getting worse in society.

Any thoughts?

My thought is that society, and it's been going on for a long time is the 'conditioning' of being 'part of the crowd'. To be accepted, just as they dress or have their hair, what music they lsiten what poltics or religion you follow etc.

You see this in 'celebrity worship today' but when you dig deeper, you see it as 'jsut a tool' to keep thinkin that 'this is all there is' the physical entity (body, outside appearence), the body that they are in. So they live in fear, indulin in the acceptance of the material world. But it isnt real, we must remmber we are much more than what the 'false world' made up of the controlled media etc tells us, which is tells us everyday 'vigourosly' that they must 'conform' to these ideals. sadly, alot of misguided people 'buy' into this philosophy creating masses of people who all look and dress as society and the system says. Yes, a goth, or someone may look different to a prep or jock , but its the same concept.

Its a dead end system when you see that it jsut creates division amongst us and fools people into thinkin 'they know all there is to know about style etc' and then they see someone who doesnt follow them, it gets thir mind thinking 'he or she isnt one of us, they are inferior' and they go into 'attack mode' with namecalling, labelling or dissaproving looks or a 'glare of disgust'

Its also a very difficult thin to break from. But its not impossible. We are here to be the best we can be, to evolve and explore who we truly are, as opposed to followin traps set by 'the system' which leads us into this sort of thinkin. To enslave us, and fill us of fear of eachother.

Imagine without this destructive system how much happy and tolerant we would be of eachother. Wed be in unity, accceptin with love and celebrating 'real diversity' with the purest of intentions.

I myself, have seen it for really is, the games and the tactics they play and use on us which plays us off agianst eachother.

It isnt jsut about 'physical appearence either. Its about behviour, the way you talk, religion, status and the poltics people are led to by the same destructive system. Leading to more judgement and people bein manipulated into bein a certain way. Yous ee it everday if you look around you. Look how smoking was once so popular in the 50s and 60s, yet 60 years later, its frowned upon with disgust.

Don't be fooled into believing 'everything' they say about smoking, in the next 20 or 30 years, youll be a 'phariah' for even sipping a beer or glass of wine. Even in moderation. It's how they operate. Big pharma is BIG lie! Look at how people hate on people who smoke now (you must be an evil person, you have a cigarette! there's no good in you!). Again, another example of people bein 'played agianst' eachother. One big chess set.

Once you break free from all these 'false ideals'a nd illusions the system creates, you are truly 'free' and you dont care about all these things that are nothin more than 'distractions' or 'illusions'

I hope this helps you on your journey. Be free.

In peace and love,

Chris

this is very true, but again i am too shy and paranoid.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

 

[el Jay]

That's good advice on the surface, but for people like me who have difficulty with how others see us, it's a lot deeper than that.

My fear and anxiety about how others see me and my actions is more of a fear of reprisal, probably a result of being bullied in school. I worry that when I'm out in public, if I do or say something stupid, it'll call attention to me and in an attempt to shame or punish or tease me, other people will go out of their way to make me miserable for it. So if, say, I answer a question wrong at school, other people will laugh at me, and go around telling other people specifically to ensure everyone knows how much I messed up and that I'm stupid for it.

Even aside from that, there can be a fear that, regardless of how someone sees themselves, if enough other people see them poorly, it will impact their life. As strong as a person can be, if most people in someone's life think they are stupid and not worthwhile, their collective power will end up making that person's life worse, no matter how strong and brave they try to be. So those people might fear what others think because get enough "other people" together and they'll have the power to actually negatively impact the person's life.

So good advice, but does little to help the people that really need it.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I wish I'd been a stronger character to take any criticism I received over the years with a pinch of salt but it still haunts me to this day. But overall I'm my own harshest critic and I'm also responsible for ruining the happiness I had. Never become like I have, instead love yourselves and ignore anyone who puts you down.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

That's good advice on the surface, but for people like me who have difficulty with how others see us, it's a lot deeper than that.

My fear and anxiety about how others see me and my actions is more of a fear of reprisal, probably a result of being bullied in school. I worry that when I'm out in public, if I do or say something stupid, it'll call attention to me and in an attempt to shame or punish or tease me, other people will go out of their way to make me miserable for it. So if, say, I answer a question wrong at school, other people will laugh at me, and go around telling other people specifically to ensure everyone knows how much I messed up and that I'm stupid for it.

Even aside from that, there can be a fear that, regardless of how someone sees themselves, if enough other people see them poorly, it will impact their life. As strong as a person can be, if most people in someone's life think they are stupid and not worthwhile, their collective power will end up making that person's life worse, no matter how strong and brave they try to be. So those people might fear what others think because get enough "other people" together and they'll have the power to actually negatively impact the person's life.

So good advice, but does little to help the people that really need it.

I suffered with worrying about what others thought of me for almost 30 years friend. When I finally relieved myself of worrying about trying to meet everyone's expectations I found peace. When I focused more on my capabilities and less on criticism things improved greatly.