MentatsGhoul
Well-known member
I've almost posted this thread several times, but I keep having second thoughts. Guess I should just go for it.
So, long story short, I have feelings for someone, but I'm not sure if I should tell her, or even really do anything about it due to several complicating factors.
Full story- there's someone I've known for maybe a year and a half. We used to just catch up every few weeks or months, but recently, we've been talking nearly every day. We get along really well and have a lot in common, same weird sense of humour, agree on most things etc. Really, I could sing her praises all day, but there wouldn't be much point to it, bottom line is, normally, I wouldn't hesitate for one second to try and ask her out.
Problem is... we met online. She lives in the US. Now, there's a relatively high chance that within a year or a little more, I might be moving not too far from her (one or two states away, plus I don't need to live with my parents, so it's feasible I might end up studying/living in her state anyway), so we could meet up, however, this is not definite.
But really there are two main issues. One (as a lot of you probably know, since I've posted way too much of my personal drama on this place), I recently lost a very close friend due to a similar situation. The thing is, if I tell her and she says no, I'd be fine with it. I mean, it'll hurt, but I can let it not interfere with the friendship. I'm not sure if I could say the same for her though. She's a very shy person, probably more so than me, and isn't very open about her feelings (which also means I have no real way of predicting how she'd react). Saying this could cause her to close up to me very easily, not to mention I worry just blurting out "I love you" or even just "I sorta like you" might be too sudden for her. I don't want to lose her as a friend, I really don't. I mean, otherwise, I'd tell her just to get it off my chest regardless of whether I thought I had a chance or not, but I just don't want to go through all that again.
But, even if she says yes, I've been in a long-distance/online relationship before. I'd know what I'm getting into and all the problems that come with it. That doesn't strictly worry me, I know I can handle it. But... I'm worried about what happens if it doesn't work. It's my last year of university (I'm gonna do a masters eventually, but I probably need time to figure stuff out and work first). Now, I'm trying to get honeysuckle on track, take my writing more seriously, pursue these acting opportunities and who knows, maybe even change the course of my life to something more creative, if I'm lucky. This means I might finally get the chance to meet people, connect with them etc. If things work out with her, if we get to live relatively close after getting through the long-distance period, great. But if they don't... I will have invested too much into that relationship, and possibly missed a lot of chances in terms of dating and possibly even friendships, and it would be too late to recover, as I'd be on my way out. That will be very tough to recover from, and I'm honestly frightened.
That said, I feel like I can't just "get over her" at this point without saying anything. And, like last time, I worry I might be overthinking things too long before I make a move that I just lose my chance, and then regret it. I honestly don't know what to do, I just don't, both options seem difficult to me. Some outside perspective might help.
So, long story short, I have feelings for someone, but I'm not sure if I should tell her, or even really do anything about it due to several complicating factors.
Full story- there's someone I've known for maybe a year and a half. We used to just catch up every few weeks or months, but recently, we've been talking nearly every day. We get along really well and have a lot in common, same weird sense of humour, agree on most things etc. Really, I could sing her praises all day, but there wouldn't be much point to it, bottom line is, normally, I wouldn't hesitate for one second to try and ask her out.
Problem is... we met online. She lives in the US. Now, there's a relatively high chance that within a year or a little more, I might be moving not too far from her (one or two states away, plus I don't need to live with my parents, so it's feasible I might end up studying/living in her state anyway), so we could meet up, however, this is not definite.
But really there are two main issues. One (as a lot of you probably know, since I've posted way too much of my personal drama on this place), I recently lost a very close friend due to a similar situation. The thing is, if I tell her and she says no, I'd be fine with it. I mean, it'll hurt, but I can let it not interfere with the friendship. I'm not sure if I could say the same for her though. She's a very shy person, probably more so than me, and isn't very open about her feelings (which also means I have no real way of predicting how she'd react). Saying this could cause her to close up to me very easily, not to mention I worry just blurting out "I love you" or even just "I sorta like you" might be too sudden for her. I don't want to lose her as a friend, I really don't. I mean, otherwise, I'd tell her just to get it off my chest regardless of whether I thought I had a chance or not, but I just don't want to go through all that again.
But, even if she says yes, I've been in a long-distance/online relationship before. I'd know what I'm getting into and all the problems that come with it. That doesn't strictly worry me, I know I can handle it. But... I'm worried about what happens if it doesn't work. It's my last year of university (I'm gonna do a masters eventually, but I probably need time to figure stuff out and work first). Now, I'm trying to get honeysuckle on track, take my writing more seriously, pursue these acting opportunities and who knows, maybe even change the course of my life to something more creative, if I'm lucky. This means I might finally get the chance to meet people, connect with them etc. If things work out with her, if we get to live relatively close after getting through the long-distance period, great. But if they don't... I will have invested too much into that relationship, and possibly missed a lot of chances in terms of dating and possibly even friendships, and it would be too late to recover, as I'd be on my way out. That will be very tough to recover from, and I'm honestly frightened.
That said, I feel like I can't just "get over her" at this point without saying anything. And, like last time, I worry I might be overthinking things too long before I make a move that I just lose my chance, and then regret it. I honestly don't know what to do, I just don't, both options seem difficult to me. Some outside perspective might help.
