Mary Mary
Well-known member
jales said:I think there is a good reason why we tend to want two different types of men.
Yes you can say that it is wise to ignore what your primal instinct says, but honestly I'm beginning to think our instincts are very, very wise.
I agree that some men will never seem to be alpha in the beginning and when they truly decide that they love you then they will do all the things that women were looking for in the beginning (type one/alpha things). My husband is like this, and men like this are great. But I feel really lucky with me husband, I would have never known he was like that before we became a couple, and most often a female needs to know before she chooses you.
But listen, my point is ... we want to see a guy act alpha in the beginning because we need to know that he CAN. That is all. Because honestly, not everyone can. We need to know that if everything goes wrong, he will still be there trying to fix it. We need to know that he wont give up just because he heard no two or three times. That is important.
Someone who will never give up, someone who is not afraid to be himself.. all those things are way more important in a relationship than many people realize.
In life so much can happen that it is important to find someone who wont give up. It can be sooooo annoying to me when just one minor thing goes wrong and a male is like 'oh well, we can't do ..blah blah blah.' It's like.. where is your backbone? Do you not want to do it? Well tell me that, don't tell me you arent doing it because there is an obstacle.
So somehow women need proof that you are a fighter! That you will not give up when hard times come. That you won't give up on the relationship when it is hard. And that is a lot of why we love men who have truly chased us. The ones we said no to a tonne of times in the beginning.. but they kept trying. By the way some guys who try when a girl says no come across as aggressive, and that can be very scary. So how you try is important, I think it's important let the girl feel safe and non threatened. She should feel that she is in charge, not in charge if you.. but in control of the situation.
Also it is important for the guy to be 'rude' to us from time to time...without making us feel too horrible. We need to know that he is honest. Because relationships need that type of honesty. To communicate well people have to be honest. And that means being rude sometimes, that means being expressive.
Long term we also need these alpha characteristics, such as being rude, and not giving up...chasing.
But long term we expect you to also LOVE us. And that is why it may seem that we are attracted to two types of men. In fact I think we simply want alphas who love us.
We dont expect a guy to love us in the beginning, but we do expect him to
-Be himself (or rather to communicate honestly without caring too much about our feelings)
-Show that he does not give up easily
But once in a relationship, we do expect him to love us and then he should be softer with us, more emotional.. he should feel safe to cry with us ..and to be completely open with us..
But we still want him to be the alpha-ish guy that he was when we met him. We still want him to be honest and to never give up. We are not asking for two different guys but we are asking for love and characteristics that are important to have a successful relationship.
And if perseverance and communication are the foundations of relationships, then evolution was very wise in how it created our primal instincts.
Because that is what Noah was, that is what alphas are. They are simply honest guys, who do not give up when things get a little hard. Betas and the rest give up. You tell them no twice and they are gone. They also try to please you, this annoys women a lot. And rightly so.
Have you ever tried to argue with a man who is trying not to hurt you, or who tries to please you?? He will never say what the real problem is because he fears you too much. And how can you even get close to someone who fears to show you what they really feel?
We want an equal and a man who can stand with us and face the harsh realities of this world.
