TheWallflower
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- Feb 25, 2015
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Hi, everyone. So this might be a long post, but I just wanted to get everything out after months of what I've went through. (Just for extra info, I'm a 19 year old girl.)
I guess it all started when I got my first job in October. For the environment I'm in, some of the coworkers were very hostile towards me because I was quiet, even though most of them made that decision within a few seconds of meeting me. One coworker in particular called me "very difficult" because of this. Somewhere along the line, the director of another department somehow got involved in harassing me because of this. He would do this jolting thing at me in the hallway, command me to "say something," and ask the other coworkers, "have you ever heard her talk?" just to get some laughs. They don't seem to understand that I haven't been there as long as they all have been (newest member besides me was there for 2 years). It also doesn't help that they mostly have conversations about things I wouldn't know about.
Then my parents get involved, and sometimes we don't agree on certain things. I don't want to get too much into this, but this has ended with me being told that neither me or my opinions matter, that I would get punched if I spoke my own mind (on my opinions, I should add that I talk about them in a non-hostile way), and they do let me know, either in a passive-aggressive or confrontational way, that they don't like that I'm different from them.
My boyfriend jumped on the bandwagon the following month. Basically, we had a disagreement that caused him to get very defensive to the point where he made me cry because it personally struck a nerve. He didn't understand this, and kicked me out of his house for "crying over nothing." We broke up after this, and he contacted me in January when we decided to be friends. Even now, sometimes he'll criticize or make snide comments about my thoughts and opinions, which especially hurts because early in the relationship, he explicitly said he didn't expect everyone to have the same opinions as him, and he wouldn't judge me if I did. And for a long time, he didn't.
In that sense, that feeling of "you won't be treated right unless you're just like me," I feel lonely. (These are only some examples.)
I try to raise my voice, but my environment instead raises my silence.
A silence that restricts me from having my own opinions, thoughts, and even feelings.
Thank you if you read this.
I guess it all started when I got my first job in October. For the environment I'm in, some of the coworkers were very hostile towards me because I was quiet, even though most of them made that decision within a few seconds of meeting me. One coworker in particular called me "very difficult" because of this. Somewhere along the line, the director of another department somehow got involved in harassing me because of this. He would do this jolting thing at me in the hallway, command me to "say something," and ask the other coworkers, "have you ever heard her talk?" just to get some laughs. They don't seem to understand that I haven't been there as long as they all have been (newest member besides me was there for 2 years). It also doesn't help that they mostly have conversations about things I wouldn't know about.
Then my parents get involved, and sometimes we don't agree on certain things. I don't want to get too much into this, but this has ended with me being told that neither me or my opinions matter, that I would get punched if I spoke my own mind (on my opinions, I should add that I talk about them in a non-hostile way), and they do let me know, either in a passive-aggressive or confrontational way, that they don't like that I'm different from them.
My boyfriend jumped on the bandwagon the following month. Basically, we had a disagreement that caused him to get very defensive to the point where he made me cry because it personally struck a nerve. He didn't understand this, and kicked me out of his house for "crying over nothing." We broke up after this, and he contacted me in January when we decided to be friends. Even now, sometimes he'll criticize or make snide comments about my thoughts and opinions, which especially hurts because early in the relationship, he explicitly said he didn't expect everyone to have the same opinions as him, and he wouldn't judge me if I did. And for a long time, he didn't.
In that sense, that feeling of "you won't be treated right unless you're just like me," I feel lonely. (These are only some examples.)
I try to raise my voice, but my environment instead raises my silence.
A silence that restricts me from having my own opinions, thoughts, and even feelings.
Thank you if you read this.