When people walk the extra mile for you

[sorandom5454]

I just came to think of something now during the holidays and that is how almost no one has ever done anything special for me. While I had friends and short romances in the past, I've always felt like... I'm just another person in the crowd. Like that no matter how close I've felt to people, I never really felt like I actually meant that much to them or that they would be willing to do that little extra for me. Or in some cases, I even felt like I can't depend on them whatsoever.

Now, I don't expect so much from other people. And I'm not saying I bent over backwards at all times to be there for others. But just a few things I've done for people over the years from the top of my head:

*Helped a lot with things I can help out with. For instance I'm good with IT and computers and I lost track of all the times I helped people around me with it.

*Given really thoughtful and suiting gifts (sometimes also more expensive than I could actually afford) while usually recieving something stereotypical and cheap.

*Planned some rather special events/days for a few people, once for a birthday and some other times to cheer someone important to me up.

*Done some very personal things like once writing a girl a song (I'm an amateur musician and knew she wanted it), also done some other things like custom software for friends who needed it.

*Tried my best to be supportive when people around me has been down and spent a great deal of time listening and talking in situations where I know I would have appreciated if someone had done it for me.

But as I start to think about what I gotten back from people, it's actually very little... I never really felt like people have been able to or even wanting to help me back so usually I have just done everything on my own. And as for special occassions, those times you really feel like someone put in their best for you, I can't think of any actually. :/

I don't really know if it's me or if it's the people around me that is the issue here so I want to hear about others experiences, how you treat people you consider close and what you get back.

Is it wrong of me to feel like one could expect a bit more from people who are supposedly close to you? Am I asking for too much here? Or do you think it could be a problem on my behalf. I don't really know how I come off to others, maybe sometimes they haven't even realized I need them cause I'm good at seeming like I do fine and also I can be too proud to ask for help when I need it sometimes. Me on the other hand is very good at noticing subtile things with other people but perhaps not everyone is so talented at it and therefore I need to be more clear about what I want or need?

But still, there are certain things you can't just ask for. Or having to ask for them instead of other people being willing to do them for you just ruins the whole purpose with it.

 

[Lilianna]

You are just a very sensitive and giving person, so nice. Most people just aren't that way, you are very lucky/blessed to be such an extraordinary person, even though your sensitivity doesn't let you feel that way.

 

[ThisSideOfTheRainbow]

The best advice I can give you is to not expect anything in return. If you are going to commit an act of kindness for someone, do it knowing you're doing it for yourself. The bottom line is no one owes us anything, and believe me, I know that's a hard pill to swallow. All of us would like to be pampered by the people closest to us, and feel special. It makes us feel good when people do thoughtful things. But if you're doing thoughtful things for others, only to expect something in return someday, then the only outcome is you're going to get let down. In my experience, there are more ungrateful people than grateful people. Many people go through their entire life showing no gratitude or anything. And its quite sad, frankly. There's a quote from a guru, and he said "just give not to get." Continue to do really nice things for people. Continue to do nice things for yourself, and see your random acts of kindness as its own form of gratitude, a way of you thanking the universe for being given life, and your giving is a reflection of the life that was given to you. I hope that doesn't sound corny or cheesy, but you will feel so much better if you just detach yourself from the expectations, and just give not to get.

Another great quote from the same guy was "the extra mile is the loneliest road." Meaning, not many people walk down that extra mile. So be grateful you are one of the few that do.

Good luck mate

 

[Lefty Lonely]

Positively not. You deserve to be treated how you treat others. Its a joy to know there are caring people out there. I just very recently stopped a friendship due to the way i was treated. All I can say is you have to move on and learn from the experience. Dont ever stop being a caring and sensitive person because a friend just wound up being not a very good one.

 

[Tiina63]

It does hurt a lot when someone doesn't give us the help and support we would give to them were the situation reversed. But it is still good to help others despite this.
Somtiems when I feel extra sad or alone I look back to the times when someone was good to me at a hard time and would like to hope that maybe one or two things I have done for someone will come into their mind years afterwards when maybe they are feeling lonely and unhappy, and will give them some comfort.

 

[edamame721]

Many people take help for granted and it can really hurt and drag you down as a person if your friend does not reciprocate. I had a former friend resent me because she felt I was not doing enough. Don't be afraid to drop friends that are toxic, who don't merely not appreciate you, but go out of their way to make you feel bad. That said, don't stop being a kind person. Think of all the kind things people have done for you, especially strangers, who are not obligated to you in anyway. I once had a talk with a grouchy postalworker, kept being cheerful with her, and eventually, we both left each other with smiles. You can really pass a good mood along.

 

[nemla]

Oh my.... I feel the same way too. I can count how many times, a friend of mine or even my boyfriend gave me a birthday surprise or birthdaybcakeor birthday presents or an encouragements. Poor me. The bright side, you are not alone, dude.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

It is only natural to feel a bit miffed that you put forth so much effort. It is not wrong to feel like it would be nice to have some of that returned. However, people have a different definition for friends than you do. You just have to accept that. You just need to put your foot down. When I showed up to my house one day and there were my sisters laptops plus 6 of their friends. I took my time and told them that their friends were no longer free. You just have to tone it down a bit. Give a bit less, if they do not notice then no harm no foul. If they throw a ***** fit. Well maybe bring something up.

 

[perfanoff]

Some people like me would never for example write an Xmas card. Don't take it personally.. people's lives are often centered around themselves and a very few family and friends

"therefore I need to be more clear about what I want or need?" - absolutely. Even spell it out.