When?

[Pheenix]

My main question is: when do you talk to people?
I can't formulate this question correctly. I can't say exactly what it is I want to know. All I know is that it is keeping me from opening up.

Like, in school. People form cliques... What if you are not part of one?
How do you know how long to talk to people? What if you feel out of place in all conversations, and have experienced it first-hand from someone else, so it isn't just low self-confidence?

 

[Dessa]

Eh, it is hard to break through boundaries especially cliques. But I'm not quite sure what you mean by how long to talk to people. Personally, I hate small talk. I always try to come up with questions but they end up sounding bland. Like, how are you today? How old are you? Where do you live? And I feel like they wanna get away from me so I tend to avoid having to talk to someone I don't know. However, when someone else is engaging me in the conversation then I'd respond with enthusiasm. Talk to people if you don't know what's happening. Are you in high school? I'd suggest being approachable and conversational if you want to talk to anyone outside of your clique. I know when I look like mean no one will talk to me. Did I answer your question?

 

[Pheenix]

It just seems to me like being approachable isn't enough. You need to be active, right, but I don't know when to enter a conversation, because most of them seem to be held by people who are all friends. I didn't have too good social skills at the start of the year, so I didn't get that first leg in.

I also thought that there had to be some unwritten rule for why cliques don't mix.

By how long, I mean that I have always been silent in conversation. When I realized that I should be talking more, the question struck me: for how long? If I should follow someone's "how's it going" up with a "how about you?" how long do you go on? When is the small talk over?

Again, the question isn't quite clear in my own mind, but I have been juggling it in my head for a while, so I decided to post anyway.

 

[Joseph]

Cliques! Ha!

Just bust up, interrupt the conversation, spill a little bit of your drink on the hottest girl, and go "Hey, I lost my dog! Can you help me find it?"

Never tried this, but it may work.

 

[Tigershark]

Pheenix, this is probably one of the strangest questions I've ever heard, but it's really interesting. I bet you're a pretty bright person. =)

Don't worry so much about what you're going to say, or how much you should say. Listen to what's being said, & ust say something that contributes to what the conversation topic is, or some type of praise/encouragement to the speaker. People are much more interested in what they are saying & what you think of it. Eventually it won't feel as awkward, because they'll take a liking to you.

 

[evanescencefan91]

whenever at lunch time dinner time hall time

( except for bathroom time, not an utterance is to be allowed there )

usually if i see someone with a cool band t sirt i compliment them on their shirt, ask them what their favorite song is ect

ask what time it is, when the next bus comes

you can also make some honeysuckle up, ask if they went to your highschool, say you look like someone who was in your whatever class

there's a lot of differnt ways there is never a wrong time to start a conversation

unless your in the bathroom,

good luck

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

I went up to a table with a few people I vaguely knew the other day and said something along the lines of "Mind if I pester you guys for a little while?" In a very blunt and sarcastic way. They didn't take too kindly to it, but they got to tease me a little and I didn't get butt hurt. So, I got to sit and talk to people for a little while, and then go back to class without a care. They probably thought I was some crazy weirdo, but whatever.

 

[floffyschneeman]

hmm, I don't know how to interact to people that well too. Even with my friends, I sometimes say silly, out of the blue topic that I'm not sure they understand or I am not sure I understand even. But that's ok cos they are my friends. When talking to strangers, I tend to let them ask me or approach me first. But also, I am not a very interesting person and no one would even bother to talk to me. hmm.. So I thought of maybe changing that. At first, when I talk to someone I don't know, after it, I always think about unhelpful thoughts like, did I say something stupid? Does he/she like me? Did I make a decent impression? blah blah blah to the point of being embarrassed to things I did or say for no particular reason.

I thought about it really hard why I was like that. I think I was like that because I cared too much of what other people will think of me. I cared too much about how they feel about the conversation. Did they enjoy it or what. I cared too much about useless stuff that really can't help me and missed out the real point of conversing with someone, to exchange opinion and thoughts and enjoy the conversation.

I guess what I am saying here is avoid thinking stuff that makes you feel bad and just say what you want to say. But of course in a friendly manner. Go with the flow and take it easy. Say hi and get to know people and don't be scared of awkward moments. It's always part of small talks. I hope I helped. I am not sure. Lol

 

[Mr. Sir]

Bars, Cafeteria, Political Meetings, Meetup.com, Gym, Martial Arts Class, Work, Starbucks, Parties

Being sexy makes it easier.

 

[Pheenix]

Reviving this thread because I think I am reaching the core of the matter.

I lack a social ATTITUDE. It didn't come naturally to me to make friends with everyone in my class. It didn't come natural to me to great and farewell. Not because I didn't want to, but because I have always had this over-humble non-assertive "it needs consent!" attitude.
Now, the solutions to these problems is quite simple: be recklessly social.
But I was just wondering, if I have more unseen similar problems, do anyone have any ideas to bounce around about... how to get a social attitude, how to... y'know naturally act in a social manner?

Like, many people naturally veer towards making lots of money. It comes by itself. This is the same for be, with friends, but I didn't get that surge.

---

Or let's put it like this, what social skills would you teach a guy who has never wanted to make friends?
That's probably what my problem equals.

 

[triilsk]

You can start by avoiding those cliques and talking to strangers instead. As fan91 mentioned earlier; talk to a girl at a bus stop and act like you're talking to yourself about the cold or the wait, how late it is...and see if the other person reacts to you.

Who cares if you mess up, there are only two eyes there to judge you. Talking to several people at once or in groups is a lot harder...I guess you could learn how to do that but you certainly don't have to.

You don't need an attitude either, all you need to do is sample lots of people with small talk until you find someone that can take over the conversation, and more importantly actually cares about what you have to say.

 

[sagasu]

What's worked for me is finding ONE friend that you value, and hanging out with other people him, hopefully eventually finding a group you feel you fit in with.
Are you in school? Find someone who doesn't sit with anyone else in a class and ask to see their homework. From there it's pretty easy to turn it into a more amicable relationship.
For me the hardest thing is knowing when to ask to hang out with someone outside school/work/whatever. I never know when the relationship is good enough and almost always end up waiting for the other party. And if you wait, it's always possible it'll never happen.

 

[linda]

I'm curious...do you feel as though you are a tourist, stranded in a strange land where you don't know the language or customs? Because you ask your question like I would. So many people think it's strange, but when it comes to the rules, the etiquette, of the "social interaction", I don't have a clue. I get so hung up in the agonizing over how and what and where that I either miss the opportunity, or flub it altogether.