Who thinks this site is becoming too dysfunctional

[Sara]

I was in this site a while ago...I mean when it all started.
I posted few times and got an awesome advice and support from bjarne...the founder of this site,
I have been back now for a few days and although I can not put my finger on the reason...something seems not right....
I sense disunion and I have a feeling of being invisible......
I mean c'mon ...this is a site for lonely people to communicate and where we should feel ok..... but I feel like a few are the queens and kings of the ball and the rest are not accounted for or forgoten after 3 or four posts ......or ....like there is not one in charge creating new intelingent threads were everybody can find a point of reference, suport and more insight regarding the issue of loneliness.
I mean for example ....
My name is blah-blah and i come from...
welcome
you are welcome
you are welcome
you spanish wow!
yes I am...and you..do you like chocolate?
Not response ....
and then...what else I am suposed to find on this site?
some spamists looking for lonely people's money$$$$?
people falling out and fighting or being reprimanded for using the word gay???
It seems to me like a war zone....where power struggles run high and where the real and original purpose for this site to exist is a bit gone .
I don't see challange....it seems to me a bit bland and taken out of context.
If I am silenced in any way for this post, so be it.

I would like to know another members opinions on this matter...

 

[Naval_Fluff]

I dunno I just make a lot of loud noise and seem to get noticed The only thing I came here for was to talk to some cool people though, so it's all good for me.

 

[Sara]

Thank you for your reply.
I understand that there are different reasons why people join a forum. I know as well that a high percentage of people joining ALL come with difficulty communicating ...some probably wouldn't feel so lonely if they had the skills and resources to connect and reach another humans beings. In fact, I think that many people wouldn't google " I feel lonely" if they weren't looking for a site where to get the tools and support to understand and deal with their loneliness, I think this site should be in first place designed to help and give to everybody these tools to overcome or come to terms with loneliness.

 

[Jesse]

I think this site is fantastic.

 

[Steel]

Nobody has ever been silenced for expressing an opinion. I am also completely unaware of any "power struggles".. I count many people here as friends, including all my fellow moderators (chat room included), and plenty of other members.

You mention people falling out and reprimanded for the word gay? Huh? I always thought gay was just part of the standard vocabulary. I have gay friends. Hell, call me gay if you like, it's not a derogatory term for most people. Certainly, I can state with confidence that no moderator has/would ever reprimand someone for using the word gay.

Now I move on to the subject of spammers. Yes, I am aware of who you are talking about, but the person concerned has not spammed this board... he has a link to his website in his signature, which is fair enough really. He has made several differing posts. We have had no reports of him asking people for money.

Coincidentally, this week did see a true spammer try to post on the board. He was banned, all posts were deleted quietly and efficiently.

Bjarne is still the owner of this site, and does still come here. Nearly all new threads will have people replying to them. People also have lives, jobs, schoolwork etc... you cannot expect everyone to type an essay on every thread they read. Perhaps they have nothing relevant to add, but still want to make someone feel welcome? In those circumstances, surely something along the lines of "hey, and welcome" would be appropriate?

 

[Minus]

.... creating new intelingent threads were everybody can find a point of reference, suport and more insight regarding the issue of loneliness.

Please do create all you want, we would love to see them.


Spammers are quickly sent away. The one you are referring to as of yet hasn't tried to sell anything yet.

As with any place, i have no doubt that there are those who feel forgotten and/or ignored. You and all of us can help with that by responding to and befriending them.

 

[Sara]

Nobody has ever been silenced for expressing an opinion.

-Err...The way you are replying to my post would silence many people traying to express their opinion....


I am also completely unaware of any "power struggles"..

-Well I am...I can't help you there...you see or you don;t...

I count many people here as friends, including all my fellow moderators (chat room included), and plenty of other members.

-Good on you....maybe one day if I don't leave before ..it could be me saying that.

You mention people falling out and reprimanded for the word gay? Huh? I always thought gay was just part of the standard vocabulary. I have gay friends. Hell, call me gay if you like, it's not a derogatory term for most people. Certainly, I can state with confidence that no moderator has/would ever reprimand someone for using the word gay.

-Here is a part of one post where the supermoderator wrote.....

RE: The Most Awesome Site EVARRRRRRR

And just think...you started out calling this person "gay" and a "retard", Knight - two words that are fairly offensive, when used as insults.You shouldn't use someone's sexual orientation or mental illness as an insult.

-Just to make you aware Steel...The funnyiest thing is that I have read the post from Knight and the word gay doesnt appear anywhere.... huh?

That site seems to be OK for a bit of conversation and fun, but there's really no need to be purposely hurtful to someone. Perhaps a bit of restraint might be advised.

-I had seen many other threads where stronger insults and attacks have been allowed. If you want, you find them yourself...I wont waste my time...If you didn't notice ...can't help you there neither.


Now I move on to the subject of spammers. Yes, I am aware of who you are talking about, but the person concerned has not spammed this board... he has a link to his website in his signature, which is fair enough really. He has made several differing posts. We have had no reports of him asking people for money.

-Regarding the spammers issue. Somebody doesn't have to make an open request for money to make people feel that there is an intention to get business running....
Also I didn't mention anybody in particular ...I know somebody with a website in his signature as well, and from that person I got a feeling of a genuine intention to help.
I don't know to whom you reffer. I know what I felt and as you know by now probably, I like to express it

Bjarne is still the owner of this site, and does still come here.

-Send my regards to him

Nearly all new threads will have people replying to them. People also have lives, jobs, schoolwork etc... you cannot expect everyone to type an essay on every thread they read. Perhaps they have nothing relevant to add, but still want to make someone feel welcome? In those circumstances, surely something along the lines of "hey, and welcome" would be appropriate?

-I could feel humilliated with this mocking coment about people writing essays but fortunatelly I don't feel controled or manipulated easily.

-I think you took it too personal and that you feel the need to defend yourself...fair enough...I have received an e-mail from somebody that conforms with my opinion but is afraid to post it openly in case she/he gets this kind of defensive counter-attack. Good on her/him...I understand. I felt like you went to my yugular in a very rude fashion.

I dont appreciate that

My intention with this post was to generate ideas and to see whether people wanted some changes and just have a thought....I hope this is not completely sabotaged......and if it is so what ...I move on ...
I am not going to dwell more in this reply from you.
Have a nice day

:club:

 

[Naval_Fluff]

>,> This thread may turn dyzfunctional soon enough I think this site is pretty good for lonely people. I've met alot of people on here that have gone through some of the same things I've gone through and have given some good adivice about it, and vice versa. I don't think lonliness is something that can be cured over the internet though, I think you have to handle that in real life. Talking with people on the internet just isn't the same..there isn't any body language to interpret and you can't see anyone's eyes =/ But this is a pretty good place to get advice on how you can start working on your issues.

 

[Sara]

"creating new intelingent threads were everybody can find a point of reference, suport and more insight regarding the issue of loneliness."

!This thread may turn dyzfunctional soon enough "

WOW!! Any other deffensive comment from the multi-stars gang plsssss....

 

[EveWasFramed]

-Just to make you aware Steel...The funnyiest thing is that I have read the post from Knight and the word gay doesnt appear anywhere.... huh?

Of course you didn't see it - he edited it out, five minutes after I posted.

08-23-2009, 04:49 PM (This post was last modified: 08-23-2009 05:29 PM by Knight.) Post: #33 |

 

[Jesse]

Well, there are different categories to post in. There's one specifically for lonliness and there are others such as the one that contains the greatest site ever thread. Not all posts have to be about lonliness. I also think that the community itself, just by chatting with each other, whether about lonliness or not, helps fight lonliness besides.

 

[Sara]

-Just to make you aware Steel...The funnyiest thing is that I have read the post from Knight and the word gay doesnt appear anywhere.... huh?

Of course you didn't see it - he edited it out, five minutes after I posted.

08-23-2009, 04:49 PM (This post was last modified: 08-23-2009 05:29 PM by Knight.) Post: #33 |

You are right there...how could I know if it was erased beforehand..??? but still I made my point to steel...he wasn't aware that this reprimand occured and it did.
Never had so many oldies together replying to my posts...thanks a million...

 

[Jesse]

There's bound to be some sort of drama on just about any forum. That being said, i think this site is moderated quite well compared to other's i've been to. I get a lot of enjoyment and comfort from this place. Sometimes people respond to things I say and I forget to reply back- it's not that i'm trying to ignore, but sometimes you lose your posts and forget. The more you post the more the community will get to know you and the more you'll get to know them and you'll understand things better i think. Just give it a little bit

 

[EveWasFramed]

-Just to make you aware Steel...The funnyiest thing is that I have read the post from Knight and the word gay doesnt appear anywhere.... huh?

Of course you didn't see it - he edited it out, five minutes after I posted.

08-23-2009, 04:49 PM (This post was last modified: 08-23-2009 05:29 PM by Knight.) Post: #33 |

You are right there...how could I know if it was erased beforehand..??? but still I made my point to steel...he wasn't aware that this reprimand occured and it did.
Never had so many oldies together replying to my posts...thans a million...

Well, I didnt edit it out - the post creator did - it was his choice. And I'm sorry, but the only point that I can see that you've made, is that you don't fully understand what goes on behind the scenes here. Mods try to read all posts, but as clearly stated on the welcome page, we may not read every post. The fact that he didn't see that particular post is not a big deal. As for Knight and his use of certain words, he was using a word that describes a group of people, as an insult, which just wasn't nice. Note, I wasn't the only person who thought so. There is also the matter of people complaining about posts. This is something that you don't have knowledge of, unless you are a moderator.
And as for "oldies" responding to your thread - I believe you fully expected that when you created the thread.
Perhaps instead of trying to point out everything that you feel is wrong with this site, maybe you could try to focus on the positive things.
I see several members have been giving some positive feedback, so apparently not everyone here finds the site as distasteful as you do. I am happy for the people who have been able to come here and make friends and find others who have experienced the same kinds of hardships they have.

 

[Sara]

Well, I didnt edit it out - the post creator did - it was his choice. And I'm sorry, but the only point that I can see that you've made, is that you don't fully understand what goes on behind the scenes here.

Dont be sorry ...be positive yourself...

Mods try to read all posts, but as clearly stated on the welcome page, we may not read every post. The fact that he didn't see that particular post is not a big deal

It is a deal for me as he said exactly
"I can state with confidence that no moderator has/would ever reprimand someone for using the word gay."

There is also the matter of people complaining about posts. This is something that you don't have knowledge of, unless you are a moderator.
That I am not, and I dont want to continue fighting with a group of moderators that don't like to be challanged.

And as for "oldies" responding to your thread - I believe you fully expected that when you created the thread.
Nope I didn't ....if I were a moderator or an oldie...that I am not.....I would keep a distance and give the space for the story to evolve...but I guess you felt too threatened...

Perhaps instead of trying to point out everything that you feel is wrong with this site, maybe you could try to focus on the positive things.

I have this post in negative because I decided to post it that way.
About negativism...please have a look in the mirror....until now I had only gotten positive and constructive criticism of this thread from Jessie.....

I see several members have been giving some positive feedback, so apparently not everyone here finds the site as distasteful as you do.

Dont giltrip me dear...I never said i found the site distasteful and still I feel it is out of line and disfuntional in some aspects. If you ask me I could clear some points I make but I am not sure you want to hear.

I am happy for the people who have been able to come here and make friends and find others who have experienced the same kinds of hardships they have.

I am happy as well for them and for my positive experiences as well ..that I wont post in this thread anyways.
[/quote]

 

[EveWasFramed]

*sigh*
Some people just want to watch things burn. I'm done here - nothing else to say really.

 

[Sara]

*sigh*
Some people just want to watch things burn. I'm done here - nothing else to say really.

Nothing personal ...have a nice day Eve.

 

[Steel]

-I could feel humilliated with this mocking coment about people writing essays but fortunatelly I don't feel controled or manipulated easily.

-I think you took it too personal and that you feel the need to defend yourself...fair enough...I have received an e-mail from somebody that conforms with my opinion but is afraid to post it openly in case she/he gets this kind of defensive counter-attack. Good on her/him...I understand. I felt like you went to my yugular in a very rude fashion.

I dont appreciate that

My intention with this post was to generate ideas and to see whether people wanted some changes and just have a thought....I hope this is not completely sabotaged......and if it is so what ...I move on ...
I am not going to dwell more in this reply from you.
Have a nice day

:club:

Firstly, you will kindly explain how anybody could feel "humiliated" by my comment about essays. Why would you even believe it was aimed at you? It was in reply to your criticism of people leaving short greeting messages upon a member greeting the forum.

My reply was perfectly polite, not in the least bit defensive. I do not feel threatened by someone holding an opinion contrary to my own. Clearly, that is not true for everyone.

All I can think is that you expected a fight... and when you didn't get one, you have tried to make it look as if I was being defensive. Errr, yes, ok, if that's what you want to believe, but as I have never had anything to hide, it seems a bit odd, if you don't mind me saying so.

You will note that at no point did I criticise you, verbally attack you, ridicule your opinion or do anything to demean or undermine your position. To claim I went for the jugular is completely ridiculous. I suggest if you still believe that to be the case, you reread my post with an open mind.

Finally, yes, this reply does have an edge that was lacking from my original. I do not appreciate being told what I think or believe, and you will kindly refrain from doing so in future. Thank you.

 

[An archist]

I think sara's absolutely right--I once told said that the reason why hijacc got so upset here was that he was pissed that the nature of the site just changed on him, and I think that might be what sara's referring to in the first post in this thread. Things have changed a lot here since we got the chat room--i haven't posted in months since I basically come here now for the chat only. Also, a lot of people have changed too since being here; I know I have.

Instead of being sad, scared and lonely all the time I'm more bitter, hatefull and anitsocial. So I'm not really interested in lonliness as much as before, and hence I don't post much about it. But this forum is still my home so to speak. Perhaps that's happened with other people here as well? Their interests have changed yet they stay here because it's home. Also, we've lost almost all of the old guard from ALL's earlier years. I think evanescencefan is one of the last remaining ones I can come up with.

But, hey, what can you do about it? I think every forum has two factions to it: the laissez-fair proponents and then there are the 'enforcers' who like to control things. Too much petty controling really stifles a place (a prime example of which you gave when alluding to someone getting repremanded for using the word 'gay'). But if they're's no control at all chaos doesn't reign, but things just get off topic. So, as seems to be the prinicipal value everybody espouses these days, I suppose there needs to be a nice balance between the two poles.

100 posts! woo hoo!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dose anyone know that words and chords to cumbaya?

Sitting still makes me dizzle....man

I need someone to massage my brain. I lack it the intelligents
so I don't how in hell I ma get releave when asked to join an
normal conversation.

Oh my "GAY"...is unacceptiable ?

How about "HUSSY"....I don't like it the hussy. Hussy is too lame of a word to really express how I truley feel..
****..and I thought I making progress and improvements...
"My ex was a hussy becuase I wasn't bussy on her." Oh man, that sound so lame
Everytime I walk down the street..I see a hussy..
Hussy??..I ma name my next cat "Hussy". Here...hussy, hussy ya wild roaming poodie cat.

"Lighten up"...I ma think it that's be de secret to enligtenment. I ma be able to float on air purdi soon ..I jus know it.