Why am i the subject of ridicule?!

[theshycynic]

Aside from the fact that i can be extremely shy, attempting to interact with people just makes me realize how much i HATE PEOPLE. Why is it that i get slick remarks, and judgmental looks from people who don't understand me? Why can't i just be quiet, and to myself in class without girls looking in my direction with discontent on their faces?? What is everyone's deal with their dislike of shy people?! I may be one of the most non-judgmental people on the planet. I would befriend, and be nice to any and everybody. It's difficult to express myself out loud and in public, but i always wear a smile for people who are open to receiving a smile. I just don't understand. I have one class Business communications, and there are 3 girls who sit around me, more or less. They are always engaging in conversation, while i just sit in angst, praying for the moment the professor will shut everyone up to begin class. I get a whole bunch of sarcasm, and downright rudeness from people because i don't speak out, and that is so mind boggling. God i just wish everyone would take their heads out of their own asses and see that it's not SO EASY for people to open up! Starting fall classes has made me realize that all the therapy, and work has done nothing. I'm still the same wreck i was a year ago. What a waste.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

You have to be comfortable in your own skin. On one hand you are saying you are the least judgemental person on the planet. READ what you just wrote. Part of the problem is you are looking at people and DECIDING what THEIR motives are or what is in their heads. And, you are assuming negative motives. The reality is most people are not thinking about you one way or the other. Neither good nor bad. They are thinking about their class, what are they gonna have for lunch, are those shoes still for sale at the mall, etc.
My point isn't that they don't care. My point is that you are assuming a lot of negative crap to be true that simply isn't. As a result, that makes you feel like a shrinking violet. For me, i had to learn to STOP doing that, just go with the flow and take things at face value. 99% of the people are NOT trying to hurt your feelings, insult you or judge you. They aren't even thinking about that.
You are taking yourself waaaay too seriously. People want to be around light hearted people. People don't want to hear your problems or heavy issues. You have to start with light, positive interactions.
If these girls bother you, perhaps you could move to another spot. And, then just chill. Just take in the class, focus on the class. Maybe start by saying Hi to a couple of people and then start with some light hearted type comments. ALLOW yourself to relax. And, i know that isn't easy to do. I really had to work over the years to just allow myself to be in the moment and not let my mind wander. And, if a comment comes across that you don't care for, don't assume it is personal. It really isn't. And, if you learn to kind of seperate some of that out, it will get easier over time. Lots of us here were shy as well.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

There is no greater benefit to oneself than to be fearless. Your own insecurities are dragging you down with people, so blaming them is not helping you. I always wore whatever I wanted to wear, did what I wanted to do in school. I did not shrink from anything, including ridicule. I had girls tell me that they thought what I was wearing was not cool. I smiled brightly, looked them right in the eye and said "I absolutely love it. I would never wear what I don't love. You don't need to worry about it because I'm the one wearing it, not you duh!" I'd roll my eyes and smile and carry on. It wouldn't be long until other girls were copying me. And yes, even the girls that said they hated it ended up on the bandwagon. I didn't follow trends, I set them at my school.

If you can set your mind to change yourself and be more friendly, you'll get much further and like yourself so much more. And those people supposedly hating on you just might come around and really really like you.

 

[nerdygirl]

I find the situation puzzling. You're quiet, you don't talk to these girls, but they just randomly make fun of you and say sarcastic remarks to you? or does it just feel that way?

 

[theshycynic]

I find the situation puzzling. You're quiet, you don't talk to these girls, but they just randomly make fun of you and say sarcastic remarks to you? or does it just feel that way?

That is what i take from it. I mean we've exchanged some words in rather awkward conversation. My ability to keep a conversation flowing is a little low. And now i won't make an effort to speak or engage because i try to avoid the awkwardness. I just sense the ill intention.

---

You have to be comfortable in your own skin. On one hand you are saying you are the least judgemental person on the planet. READ what you just wrote. Part of the problem is you are looking at people and DECIDING what THEIR motives are or what is in their heads. And, you are assuming negative motives. The reality is most people are not thinking about you one way or the other. Neither good nor bad. They are thinking about their class, what are they gonna have for lunch, are those shoes still for sale at the mall, etc.
My point isn't that they don't care. My point is that you are assuming a lot of negative crap to be true that simply isn't. As a result, that makes you feel like a shrinking violet. For me, i had to learn to STOP doing that, just go with the flow and take things at face value. 99% of the people are NOT trying to hurt your feelings, insult you or judge you. They aren't even thinking about that.
You are taking yourself waaaay too seriously. People want to be around light hearted people. People don't want to hear your problems or heavy issues. You have to start with light, positive interactions.
If these girls bother you, perhaps you could move to another spot. And, then just chill. Just take in the class, focus on the class. Maybe start by saying Hi to a couple of people and then start with some light hearted type comments. ALLOW yourself to relax. And, i know that isn't easy to do. I really had to work over the years to just allow myself to be in the moment and not let my mind wander. And, if a comment comes across that you don't care for, don't assume it is personal. It really isn't. And, if you learn to kind of seperate some of that out, it will get easier over time. Lots of us here were shy as well.

The crazy thing is that i felt comfortable in my own skin. I literally felt unstoppable over the summer! Completely happy, and content with myself. I was taking classes, but they were online so the whole classmate interaction wasn't an issue. Then when class started again in fall, face to face, the same problems came rushing back. I can't help but think that people are thinking the worst of me. It's a constant battle that i'm trying to overcome.

 

[Alienated]

Hey this might help you.... I found this awhile back

So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise

 

[Tiina63]

Sadly, more outgoing people can find introverts hard to deal with. I have had similar experiences to your own. My therapist said that part of it could be that they don't know what we are thinking or feeling as we tend not to open up very much, and they experience this as either threatening (what are we hiding from them, do we secretly dislike them or look down on them) or they see us as unfriendly and stuck up.
Could you go to your business communications class a few minutes later, just when it is about to begin, so that you don't have to deal with the three girls chatting around you? Or could you sit somewhere else, or would this look too obvious?

 

[nerdygirl]

That is what i take from it. I mean we've exchanged some words in rather awkward conversation. My ability to keep a conversation flowing is a little low. And now i won't make an effort to speak or engage because i try to avoid the awkwardness. I just sense the ill intention.

I'd bet you're sensing things that aren't really there because you feel self conscious. As Lady Gaga Snerd pointed out, most people are too self absorbed to care. It's great that over the summer, you were feeling better. The thing is, it's easy to feel unstoppable when nobody is around to stop you! Look at all of the crazy things people will say thanks to the "anonymity" of the internet.

You said that you're extremely shy. I'm not shy, but I've never liked talking. Because I didn't do it often, I used to be extremely awkward, especially with people I didn't know. The great thing is, the more you practice, the easier it becomes. I still don't usually enjoy chatting it up with people, but I manage to do it without being obvious.

You can start small by just saying, "Hi" to people. When I take walks, I'm always hearing, "Good morning!" or, "Hello!" from people I don't know. At first, it felt weird to even nod a greeting back. I started forcing myself to respond. Now, sometimes, I'm the first one to speak. Once that feels comfortable, find something longer, but still simple, like, "I love your shirt/ outfit/ hair/ etc" Just keep working on communicating with others.

Gradually build on it, and the next thing you know, you'll be able to go to an anime convention and get glomped by absolute strangers who then want to tell you their entire freaking life story, and you'll actually be able to contribute to the conversation, too! What? That was a little too specific, and it probably doesn't happen to everybody? Okay... well, maybe not, but you get what I'm saying.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

I find the situation puzzling. You're quiet, you don't talk to these girls, but they just randomly make fun of you and say sarcastic remarks to you? or does it just feel that way?

That is what i take from it. I mean we've exchanged some words in rather awkward conversation. My ability to keep a conversation flowing is a little low. And now i won't make an effort to speak or engage because i try to avoid the awkwardness. I just sense the ill intention.

---

You have to be comfortable in your own skin. On one hand you are saying you are the least judgemental person on the planet. READ what you just wrote. Part of the problem is you are looking at people and DECIDING what THEIR motives are or what is in their heads. And, you are assuming negative motives. The reality is most people are not thinking about you one way or the other. Neither good nor bad. They are thinking about their class, what are they gonna have for lunch, are those shoes still for sale at the mall, etc.
My point isn't that they don't care. My point is that you are assuming a lot of negative crap to be true that simply isn't. As a result, that makes you feel like a shrinking violet. For me, i had to learn to STOP doing that, just go with the flow and take things at face value. 99% of the people are NOT trying to hurt your feelings, insult you or judge you. They aren't even thinking about that.
You are taking yourself waaaay too seriously. People want to be around light hearted people. People don't want to hear your problems or heavy issues. You have to start with light, positive interactions.
If these girls bother you, perhaps you could move to another spot. And, then just chill. Just take in the class, focus on the class. Maybe start by saying Hi to a couple of people and then start with some light hearted type comments. ALLOW yourself to relax. And, i know that isn't easy to do. I really had to work over the years to just allow myself to be in the moment and not let my mind wander. And, if a comment comes across that you don't care for, don't assume it is personal. It really isn't. And, if you learn to kind of seperate some of that out, it will get easier over time. Lots of us here were shy as well.

The crazy thing is that i felt comfortable in my own skin. I literally felt unstoppable over the summer! Completely happy, and content with myself. I was taking classes, but they were online so the whole classmate interaction wasn't an issue. Then when class started again in fall, face to face, the same problems came rushing back. I can't help but think that people are thinking the worst of me. It's a constant battle that i'm trying to overcome.

---

Don't be a victim of your "Stinkin' Thinkin'". In other words you have actually already JUDGED these people as disliking you right off the bat. And, as a result you are shrinking back and sending off a "stay away from me, i bite" vibe. Honestly (and PLEASE understand what i mean by this), they simply are NOT thinking about you one way or the other. If you aren't interacting with them they just view you as part of the surroundings. And, i don't mean for you take that in a negative way. It isn't. It just is. And, when i understood this, it allowed me to feel free to not interact, because if i don't they don't really care or notice anyway OR it allowed me the opportunity to relax and go ahead and interact and feel relaxed about because if they interacted back that was good but if not, then it simply ISN"T personal.
When interacting with people, the POINT is to keep new interactions, light, fun and relaxed. People want to have a warm feeling with friends. Tney don't want to hear your heavy issues, certainly not at this point. So,you start by just some simple pleasantries and maybe some common ground like did they watch THe Voice or something like that. And, don't come on too pushy up front. Say a nice thing or too and let it rest and just keep doing that over the course of the semester and build up the interaction. Coming on too strong is a turn off to people. And, i really almost have to sit on my hands when meeting too people because i can be a very intense kind of person and i have learned to keep it fun and ligthhearted.
Now, in reality 99% of these interactions won't ever go beyond the pleasantries and small talk. But that is OK, you are just getting a bit of human contact, having a laugh or too and it helps you relax. OVer time of doing this eventually you are going to find someone you click with and develop a longer term relationship and friend.
So, at this point, let those feelings go. They are NOT judging you. They simply don't CARE about what is around them beyond themselves. And, that is not a NEGATIVE but a realistic view that you can truly work with and understand to help you begin promoting some new friendships.
Relax. You can do this. Keep it in perspective. Enjoy your class and learning and just try to have some fun with it.