Why Are People So Vicious?

[SofiasMami]

I work in an office with many people sitting nearby. This morning 3 of my colleagues had a very loud conversation about another colleague that I'm friends with. A lot of wicked and personal comments were made.
The colleague they were disparaging hasn't even worked in our office in 2-3 years. So they are bitching about someone they haven't encountered in years.
I would have said something but they gossip and whisper all the time and I just don't want to jump into the muddy pigpen with them, so to speak. So I put in some earplugs and tuned them out.
Why are people like that? Are their lives so small and insignificant that they have to do anything to try and make themselves look important? I just don't get it.

-Teresa

 

[TheSkaFish]

This morning 3 of my colleagues had a very loud conversation about another colleague that I'm friends with. A lot of wicked and personal comments were made.

.......

Why are people like that? Are their lives so small and insignificant that they have to do anything to try and make themselves look important? I just don't get it.

If I had to guess, I would say that yes, that is the most likely answer. If they had anything worthwhile going on in their own lives, they'd be so excited about whatever it is that they would want to talk about that instead.

That's one reason I don't really fit in well with the office environment. There's a lot of shallow people in it whose whole lives are based around trying to look important. It's hard to find someone in that environment with something of substance to talk about.

No offense to you, of course. Maybe you've encountered this same problem yourself.

I would have said something but they gossip and whisper all the time and I just don't want to jump into the muddy pigpen with them, so to speak. So I put in some earplugs and tuned them out.

Good for you, for avoiding a nasty situation. I know it must have been very tempting to jump in and let them have it, but you made the right choice. That's what I try to remind myself of, when people say things that rub me the wrong way. It just isn't worth it.

 

[lifestream]

It's been my experience that group dynamics like this are founded on begrudgery, bitchery and mutual backstabbing. The people in the group will tear others down whenever possible (usually for no reason other than the person being an unassuming and therefore easy target) to make themselves feel good and will gleefully malign each other if given the chance. It's quite disgusting, not to mention unprofessional. Have you considered reporting them?

 

[9006]

You know every place I've worked there's always been gossip. I'm not sure what motives them to do this, like you say there mustn't be much going on in their own lives or something.

 

[SofiasMami]

I suppose I could report them but I'm pretty certain others have complained too. I've moved to other locations in the office before at my request just to get away from the gossip ringleader. Now through a series of random events, I again sit only feet away from her. But I'd rather not move because I sit next to a floor to ceiling window with lots of natural light. I could leap out the window if it got really bad

Most of my close friends and family have matured beyond the age of 14 and are able to interact with other citizens without backstabbing, passive aggression and one-upmanship. It takes me aback when I work for a great company with a great boss but I'm surrounded by adult women who behave like that. It's just crazy.

-Teresa

 

[dd11]

I can't stand gossipy people. They sound like a bunch of cackling hens.

 

[constant stranger]

They probably derive an illusion of adequacy or potency by maligning somebody else. Their gossiping is a symptom of poor self esteem.
They could probably use some help.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think they just have got nothing better to do or say. Empty vessels make the most noise, as they say.

 

[LonelySutton]

I don't know, I like to "gossip" at work (typically providing information about what is happening -- like if I find out who got a job or something) but I don't ever let it extend into being mean. My theory has long been that the person being mean believes him or herself to be on a higher "worth" than the person he or she is attacking. Once you elevate yourself to a higher worth it is the way people for centuries have allowed themselves to be cruel to others without feeling guilt.

 

[Aisha]

This morning 3 of my colleagues had a very loud conversation about another colleague that I'm friends with. A lot of wicked and personal comments were made.
The colleague they were disparaging hasn't even worked in our office in 2-3 years. So they are bitching about someone they haven't encountered in years.
I would have said something but they gossip and whisper all the time and I just don't want to jump into the muddy pigpen with them, so to speak.
Why are people like that? Are their lives so small and insignificant that they have to do anything to try and make themselves look important? I just don't get it.
-Teresa

I don't see what possible pleasure anyone can derive in putting someone down, whether in front of them or behind their backs. And someone they haven't seen in that long? The amount of malice some people harbour is astonishing. It is good to defend someone in their absence, but battles must be chosen carefully and since you work there and the person they were gossiping about doesn't, life for you would have become harder had you stepped in. You did the best possible thing in not diverting their attention to you. People like that are just toxic. That sort of bile pollutes everything around them too. It's just depressing. I'd rather have no friends than be associated with people of that nature.

 

[Tiina63]

I agree that not intervening was the best thing to do as it would have diverted their venom onto you.
Being nasty about others behind their backs with a group of others all joining in on the gossip gives those doing the putting down a temporary feeling of being 'one of the group.' However, each one of them must know on one level that when he or she leaves the room, that the group will probably then start pulling them to pieces as well.

 

[Tealeaf]

Humans are naturally unpleasant and have exclusive, self-serving, and manipulative instincts. We also have good, but society does very little to cultivate it in us so it's up to every individual to learn to be good in a world where bad is encouraged, rewarded, and allowed.

Unsurprisingly, many don't. It's fun for some people to gossip and there are very few repercussions until you piss off the wrong people... so they do it.

But it is why I kind of chuckle whenever people try to connect unpleasantness and being alone, or pleasantness and having company. Whatever lets them sleep at night.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Humans are naturally unpleasant and have exclusive, self-serving, and manipulative instincts. We also have good, but society does very little to cultivate it in us so it's up to every individual to learn to be good in a world where bad is encouraged, rewarded, and allowed.

Yep. That's pretty much how the world is. It's not made for good and selfless people.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I work in an office with many people sitting nearby. This morning 3 of my colleagues had a very loud conversation about another colleague that I'm friends with. A lot of wicked and personal comments were made.
The colleague they were disparaging hasn't even worked in our office in 2-3 years. So they are bitching about someone they haven't encountered in years.
I would have said something but they gossip and whisper all the time and I just don't want to jump into the muddy pigpen with them, so to speak. So I put in some earplugs and tuned them out.
Why are people like that? Are their lives so small and insignificant that they have to do anything to try and make themselves look important? I just don't get it.

-Teresa

'Are their lives so small and insignificant that they have to do anything to try and make themselves look important' -

This !

My workplace is full of stuff like this !

 

[there is no hope]

No one is going to tell them they can't be vicious, and by default that is usually enough. The reasons why people are inclined towards such behavior are fairly well-known, but I'd submit that vicious behavior is actively cultivated and selected for in this society, even when there is nothing to gain or a clearly detrimental effect. Just as there is no one that will stop individual people, there is no one and no thing to stop people collectively. While you would think that people who think about their actions have more important things to do, it's not like inherent goodness will guide people in a particular direction.

I'd be a bit of a hypocrite because I will trash people who are long removed from my life. I can justify a lot of it because those people didn't get kicked down, but they moved on while I was left behind, and they reaped the rewards of denying me a future (along with many other people).

 

[9006]

Maybe people are like this because talking about people makes them feel better about themselves, or important at least.

 

[Serephina]

I've always felt people put other people down because they lack confidence in themselves and the only way they can boost their own self esteem is to make someone else feel insignificant. I have also learnt from life the nasty comments bother me more when my own self confidence is low,when I am going through a better time in my life i'm more able to brush the comments aside.

 

[wolvesjr]

Unfortunately it does seem that it makes these small people temporarily feel better about themselves by belittling others. Fortunately in many places those types of people are in the minority. The problem is its usually a very vocal minority so they tend to stand out more than the good and decent people

 

[edamame721]

It's a petty but easy way to let off steam. Considering your friend no longer works there, it's safe and without risk. Some people are just really unhappy with themselves and instead of improving their own lives, they take the cowardly way out and disparage the lives of others.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with them. It's terrible being around negative people you can't escape like your co-workers.

 

[Despicable Me]

Society breeds these sort of attitudes, from what I've seen.
I personally just ignore it most of the time now. When I hear people being petty, mean, or gossipy it just gives me more reason to stay away from those people and not give them any more attention than I have to.