Why can't I be liked

[battleboy]

This is my first post to this site, Lets start by saying hello to everyone...;
I have a dilemma.. The problem is I'm lonely How has my life come to be so pathetic... Here is my story....

I'm 28 now and I have not had trouble in the past making friends, it was until I met my last best friend in high school we knew each other thru the year in HS but never really kicked it until we were out of school. For years we were best friends he was The kinda guy that everyone wanted to know and just be around the party guy id say. I had friends but they were mostly mutual friends with him. He had kids and gotten married. I was single mostly but i was able to be in nice situations.... I could not take him cheating and beating on his wife so I cut ties after 9-10 year after HS.. When we were friends. Our mutual friends the would mostly call me to find out how to reach him or ask for things I know they were not friends now And realized that along time ago.


Fast forward to now I'm still single, I have some people that I can consider friends. But as for new friend I have not met one Since... I meet people and I engage them and try to be friendly but I just cant get anyone to look at me as a person they would even want to be friends with..... I feel as if people dismiss me before I can even try to make an impact. Back in the day people would try to befriend me just so the could hang with us now I'm just chopped liver..

The friends that I currently have the all have kids there married and me I'm just in my nice big home alone. I recently started working out at a local gym that has helped a bit with my loneliness . I recently moved to an opposite side of my town I know very little people here and everyone I meet they Could care less about getting to know me mostly females.. I work my ass off every day it sucks coming home to an empty home and no one to talk to... On a Saturday night like today going thru every # in your phone just trying to connect and no one is interested. Seems all I do is change my life and I get the same results.

 

[Paraiyar]

Welcome to ALL. Do you have other interests you haven't talked about here? Maybe you could try and network through those?

 

[constant stranger]

Welcome to ALL. I can't come up with answers for you battleboy, but I hope you keep returning here to post your own experiences and respond to other peoples' posts. Maybe some insights or solutions will emerge from that.

 

[michael2]

Maybe when talking to other people try and focus the conversation on them? If you show alot of interest in the other person its likely they'll become more interested in you because they'll feel you care about them.

You may already be doing this Im just trying to help out

 

[ladyforsaken]

Welcome to the forum, battleboy.

It's nice that you've managed to get yourself occupied with working out, it's good if you have any other hobbies or activities you can engage yourself in where you'll be able to meet people with similar interests. Maybe that might help you make new friends? I see how some members on this forum go for Meetup groups and manage to get on well with some people, might work for you as well?

Good luck, perhaps you'll be able to connect with some people on here too.

 

[battleboy]

Maybe when talking to other people try and focus the conversation on them? If you show alot of interest in the other person its likely they'll become more interested in you because they'll feel you care about them.

You may already be doing this Im just trying to help out

Thank you Michael I like your advice. I will try to be more conscious of how I'm
being precieved by the other person.

That being said I have been working on being more personable. I know that I'm not the most interesting person. I work at a small shop and there are like 3 guys there they are not the chattiest folks. I have been working there for 10 years and really did not get much interaction with many people other than the weekends when me and my friends we would go to downtown bars and try to pick-up women. That is the gist of my interactions the past 10 year for the most part. Going to work then coming home, I really did not mind coming from work to a empty place because I knew that I was going to have fun that weekend. Now I am trying to piece together this broken personality I guess.

Thank you micheal

 

[dd11]

I don't think you need to heap blame on yourself. Yes, you try to take a look at your approach. Being "nicer" is helpful but what you really need to do is start living your best life. Find something that inspires passion in your approach to life. You go to work, come home, work out. Is there something you can get really fired up about? Have you thought about coaching or teaching a class on something you really care about? Is there some activity or hobby or events that really make you feel excited about life? I think people respond to those who are passionate about life moreso than someone who is just "nice" but otherwise not really someone memorable. Find things that are fun and interesing and then i think you will meet people as a result of that.

 

[battleboy]

I don't think you need to heap blame on yourself. Yes, you try to take a look at your approach. Being "nicer" is helpful but what you really need to do is start living your best life. Find something that inspires passion in your approach to life. You go to work, come home, work out. Is there something you can get really fired up about? Have you thought about coaching or teaching a class on something you really care about? Is there some activity or hobby or events that really make you feel excited about life? I think people respond to those who are passionate about life moreso than someone who is just "nice" but otherwise not really someone memorable. Find things that are fun and interesing and then i think you will meet people as a result of that.

Thanks delledonne11

 

[dd11]

And it isnt always you. Sometimes its them. Yeah there are times maybe you could have done better but you are working on yourselg
f. Realize that some people dont want or need more friends. And thats ok. Just move on from those types and find those who do.

 

[Sometimes]

Hi battleboy, I agree with delledonne11. I like that statement, to start living your best life. Sometimes I ask myself, when I'm being bored and boring, what would be a really "me" thing to do. If you don't have an answer, or don't like your current answers, then I think you need to try some new stuff, and find out if you can add some more experiences. I always like to try new things that are really really different from what I've done before.

I still think I'm boring, though.

 

[battleboy]

Today i used advice i recieved here from you good folks and i think i may have started the kindeling of a few new friendships thanks to everyone i still have alot to work on improving myself but progression is good and I like it