Why can't I keep friends?

[mylifebytears]

I'm very social and it's really easy for me to make friends, but lately I've been losing all of my friends. Some have left the city or the country, others have betrayed and ridiculed me, and yet others haven't been the nicest of friends. I've tried my hardest in keeping all of my friends; I've helped them with their homework and projects, I've given them money, food, support, I've even bailed out a few from some problems and as I result I would get into trouble for them, and they never do anything for me. I don't expect anything in return, but it would be nice if I did. I guess I always dream of having the perfect friends, but I dream way to big. Heck I would be darn happy if I would get a text or a call of old friends just to see how I am. I'm currently very sick, and the few people that know about my sickness don't even bother to send me a quick 1 min text to see how I am or if I'm even alive. People now a days are so busy with themselves. Like if the world revolved around them. They quickly forgot of all the stuff I did for them I feel so unappreciated, and it rots my liver!

 

[fox]

It sounds at least some of them might just be using you.. you wrote you have given money, food, support, so on.. some people are just no good like that.. take advantage of any one who will be kind to them, but offer nothing in return.

What is good though, if you are social, I think it is you just have not found the right friends.. you can eventually meet people who will appreciate you. Maybe just takes a while of wading through the self centered ones.

I hope you get better soon by the way..

 

[believeinsomeday06]

I was in highschool when I dreamt and prayed of having better friends - because sad to say the friends I had in highschool didn't really loved me and accepted me for who I really am and I felf like I didn't truly belong, and they had brought me pain that until now, I still have it in my heart. Sometimes it's just not easy to just 'forgive and forget'. They have affected my life in many ways they probably even don't know. I believe some of my behaviours right now, some parts of my personality right now is because of how they treated me in the past. But somehow I think i should be thankful because I know I'm a better person now. And I knew what real friends mean. - the ones I have prayed for - and thankfully, the ones I have found when I was in college. They have accepted me and loved me - I felt it - even if I have so many flaws. They were there through my dark times. and I appreciate it more maybe because I know how it is to have friends that feels like not real friends. - so I am thankful I have found my group of friends in college. I learned who's worth to keep - and who's not. So don't worry you'll find them one day, maybe you just have to go through all these. But don't look for perfect friends though, you'll just keep being disappointed, because no one will ever be perfect. Just finding friends who genuinely, sincerely loves you is enough, and accepting them for the rest of their flaws, because that's how real friends should be. Goodluck and get well soon!

 

[Okiedokes]

It's nice that you did those things for your friends. I think I have to agree that perhaps some were using you or took advantage if they really never call you or care about your needs.

 

[mylifebytears]

Yes I do believe they used me. A lot. I just don't see any good people anymore, and I keep wondering when will be the time when I finally find someone that can be just like me or almost me. I don't believe in having hundreds of friends. I would rather have 2 or 3 friends that I can count on, instead of a hundred that can use me for their own selfish reasons. I don't like popularity. Just company Thank you!. I will keep being how I am and I will keep searching. Hopefully the friendship journey gets better.

@believeinoneday06: I had the same experience as you did. In fact when I was in high school some "friends" back stabbed me and wanted me to be all drunkie like them and even be a whore. Eventually I let those people go. I met better friends in college. I only kept a few, but unfortunately I don't talk to them as much:/ Which is sad.

 

[HappyYogi]

My Life in Tears~

I am trying to figure this out like everyone else but I am wondering if your problems stem from any belief that you deserve love that you may have.

You see, I feel I am like you. I consciously give to others...mostly in a kind word. Sometimes I offer financial help or other support and I think that will endear them to me. Not necessarily so. They will think I am "nice" but not necessarily be guided to be "friends" with me.

I am wondering if the reason people like you and me have problems is because we try too hard. We try hard because our REAL underlying belief is that we are desperate, we need friends and in order to get them we need to give and give and give.

You see, many feel that what we attract is what we think. What we TRULY feel about a situation. If we truly don't feel valuable or worthy, and our actions kind of are trying to make up for that, people perhaps will be able to "read" this subconsciously and thus act accordingly. Most of the time not knowing why.

Thus no matter how much you do for someone, no matter how kind, one might still be giving off a different message or vibe which is attracting something else.

Ring a bell for you? It does for me.

 

[ImNearYou]

Friends are generally hard to come by

 

[Sci-Fi]

I've learned if your have to work to hard to help/save/keep your friends they just aren't worth having as friends. Went through that in high school, looking back it wasn't worth the drama and energy I spent.

 

[Tiina63]

It sounds as if some of your friends are users, and others are so used to you being the 'strong' one who they can go to whenever they need help/support /money etc that they dont see you as having needs and needing to be cared for as well. I have had friends like this, who came to me for help and then walked away when I needed help from them, as if they resented me for suddenly being weak and needy, and not solely being there for them.

 

[zaphodity]

Sounds like maybe it's time to make some new, better friends.

 

[mylifebytears]

It sounds as if some of your friends are users, and others are so used to you being the 'strong' one who they can go to whenever they need help/support /money etc that they dont see you as having needs and needing to be cared for as well. I have had friends like this, who came to me for help and then walked away when I needed help from them, as if they resented me for suddenly being weak and needy, and not solely being there for them.

Yes now that you put it that way. It makes perfect sense to me. I'm the strong one here. *sigh*

 

[Nolife Princess]

I'm very social and it's really easy for me to make friends, but lately I've been losing all of my friends. Some have left the city or the country, others have betrayed and ridiculed me, and yet others haven't been the nicest of friends. I've tried my hardest in keeping all of my friends; I've helped them with their homework and projects, I've given them money, food, support, I've even bailed out a few from some problems and as I result I would get into trouble for them, and they never do anything for me. I don't expect anything in return, but it would be nice if I did. I guess I always dream of having the perfect friends, but I dream way to big. Heck I would be darn happy if I would get a text or a call of old friends just to see how I am. I'm currently very sick, and the few people that know about my sickness don't even bother to send me a quick 1 min text to see how I am or if I'm even alive. People now a days are so busy with themselves. Like if the world revolved around them. They quickly forgot of all the stuff I did for them I feel so unappreciated, and it rots my liver!

People are cruel, and it is so easy for a 'friend' to bail' especially when you need them the most- in short, they were never really your friend at all.

True friends are far and few between.. just know in your heart that you are a good person, and of they part ways, or forget about you, or turn their head at the first sign of troubles, then so be it.

I am Bi-polar, so one moment I am up, the next I am down, and the folks/friends that know me, well they know when I am up, have fun and appreciate me, but when I am down, just let me go, till my mood shifts back to up again, as when I am down, I go into a shell.

Being sick sux! but having your friends bail on you sux even more.

Hold your head up high. and keep on keeping on.
and don't you let anything rot your liver!

 

[mylifebytears]

@nolife princess:yes I know what you mean. Well at least I know I was always nice, and I never regret anything. I am how I am, and I did what I did. It must be really though with the bipolar, but at least you have people that understand your situation and that are there for you. I hope no one walks away from your life, and if they did then they weren't meant to be in ur future. One thing is certain and I've said it 1,0000,0000 times (man i wish that was my bank account lol), and i will say it 1,000 more: "Those people better not look for me when I'm rich in famous." I do mean this. I know I will go far, and I just hope people won't be wanting to me my friend again just because I'm in the spot light. Get what I'm saying?

 

[Valince]

For me, I don't know... it was not this hard when I was younger...

 

[blackdot]

Friends are just people who hang around until they get a life and then they vanish.

 

[mylifebytears]

I've learned if your have to work to hard to help/save/keep your friends they just aren't worth having as friends. Went through that in high school, looking back it wasn't worth the drama and energy I spent.

Yeah you're right. I barely learned that now, and truth is I'm better off alone than having bad company around. I'm not depressed anymore which is awesome! If I don't have any friends right now, who cares. One day new people will come around, and if they don't then it's for a good reason. I deserve something better

---

Friends are just people who hang around until they get a life and then they vanish.

You're right, and well maybe it's time to make my life too. I have several reasons to keep going, and with or without friends I'm gonna be ok

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Friends are harder to make when you're older.

Plus, there is a difference between "now friends", and "forever friends." Forever friends are those that you don't see in years, but are your friends forever. Now friends are those that drop you once they find someone new to replace you.

I have had experience with having both types of friends, and Forever Friends are the best to have.

 

[mylifebytears]

Friends are harder to make when you're older.

Plus, there is a difference between "now friends", and "forever friends." Forever friends are those that you don't see in years, but are your friends forever. Now friends are those that drop you once they find someone new to replace you.

I have had experience with having both types of friends, and Forever Friends are the best to have.

I completely agree with you. Forever friends are better to have