Why did I disappear?

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

10 years ago I had a loving wife and a four year old daughter that was a daddies girl, my best friend spent many hours at our home. My friend and I drifted apart and my wife told me last year that she cares about me but she don't think it's love. If I don't speak to my daughter she doesn't act like I'm even there. It's like I'm a ghost in my own house (notice my user name). It's like nobody can see me anymore, I'm not enclueded in anything. I don't think I have changed, so what have I done to cause this?

 

[jasmin]

I don't think you've done anything to cause it. Your daughter is a fourteen year-old girl and teenagers often don't talk to their parents- I know I didn't. I'm sorry about your wife maybe you should consider couples counselling?
What is it you feel excluded from?

I hope things get better for you.

 

[lonelydude]

yea, i see alot of teenagers who wanna have some space between them and their parents. THis will go away once shes an adult so dont worry about this too much and enjoy her teenage years. As for ur wife...well u could talk to her WHY she doesnt love you anymore...i mean if she cares for u , how couldnt she love u... ASK HER .

 

[Blue Sky]

10 years ago I had a loving wife and a four year old daughter that was a daddies girl, my best friend spent many hours at our home. My friend and I drifted apart and my wife told me last year that she cares about me but she don't think it's love. If I don't speak to my daughter she doesn't act like I'm even there. It's like I'm a ghost in my own house (notice my user name). It's like nobody can see me anymore, I'm not enclueded in anything. I don't think I have changed, so what have I done to cause this?

Well you wouldn't have written this post if you weren't affected by the way your life is, so why don't you try and do something about it to improve your situation. Maybe seek some counseling, or go to a support group or even try to think of some ways yourself that might help you. As far as teenagers go, I drifted from my family when I was a teenager and just wanted to be with my friends. But this did change when I got older.

 

[helen]

please don't take the way your daughter is acting to heart. teenagers are normally like that with their parents - they don't mean to be but they get so wrapped up in being a teenager (being a 14-year-old girl can wreck your head, believe me) that they kinda dont think about their parents. i'm sure she still loves you and doesn't mean to hurt you. as for your friend, i guess that he might have a family of his own, am i right? if he does that must take up a lot of his time. again, i'd be sure it's nothing personal.

i'm sorry to hear about things with your wife. perhaps you can do something romantic with her and try to get things back how they were? you've gotta work at relationships and all that (or so i've read). i hope things get better for you anyway.

 

[Luna]

Is your daughter a teen? Cause if yes so its totally normal. When i was 16 i asked a friend of mine where i could find the... cable? where the oil to break the car passes. I used to pray to my father die. Today i laugh at that cause i would never have the courage and now i know he used to make my life a hell cause he wanted just good things for me. He wanted me to study so every red grade i got i used to see my TV, my telephone, my cd player and etc just leaving my room on his hands. One day we grow up and we see that if we had listened to our parents, the life would not beat us so strong. Try to be nice with her. If she likes something give her without her asking or if she likes some place just go there with her. Even if you and her are not fine now, in the future, she will remember the good moments and miss them. Even my faher being a jerk i remember of him laying on the ground to play with the dogs (he used to be very serious like any military is so see him like that used to be nice) or the day we traveled together and he made sandwiches and he was so happy that he sang and my father never sang before and it was a silly old music. Something like "the eyes of the green snake" lol Think.. what she likes? What kind of music she likes? What is her favorite ice cream flavor? A father needs to mess up things too much to make us stop loving them and i dont think its your case. About your wife, nothing last forever. If she doesnt love you anymore so try to survive and move on. Find another love and try to be happy. If your wife really doesnt love you anymore, if she sees you just as a brother so dont force the situation, be her best friend cause you have a girl with her. There are things that we cant untie... You are not a ghost. No way... I hope son you will be feeling better.

 

[Minus]

Kids grow, become more independent, friends become a bigger factor in their lives and parents aren't relied on quite as much .

It is your wife's comment that would have me more concerned. Hopefully you are working on your relationship. Taking actions that remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place. Actions that tell her how much she means to you.

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

I think that is the problem, she never really loved me. She said she married me just to survive and let me take care of her. We were married right after highschool and the last 20 years have all been a lie. Now I don't know if I will ever know true love or if it even exists. Maybe it's to late for me. Maybe I should face the fact that I'm just a born looser.

 

[Minus]

I can't speak specifically for your situation but i have seen before where a spouse would bounce between "I love you" and "I never did love you" depending on the circumstances or their feelings at the time. After twenty years together it makes it difficult to believe that she never loved you even though she may claim that at the time.

This is a reflection of her and what she is going through, not you. The fact that you were not out finding love while you were married i think is an asset not a liability.

What you are going though is an extremely rough situation and does quite a job on a person. It is understandable that it can make a person feel like a 'born loser' but from what i can see, that sure does not seem to be the case. Among other things a born loser couldn't hold a marriage together for 20 years.

It is not to late for you though i can sure identify with that feeling.