Why do bad things happen after good things ?

[Bebeskii]

It is just so sad that my life has always been like this. I mean, WHENEVER I have some fun, something bad often follows. It is not that my perception becomes reality. When I have some fun, I get a very quick signal that something bad might happen but I totally ignore and just let it be. I don't wait or expect something to happen. Without even realising something bad just happens. If I have much fun, much bad things would happen. If I have just some fun, little bad thing would happen. I went through this unfortunate thing TOO MANY times. I lost my count. Certainly over 30 times. It is just not fair. Why am I have to be so unlucky and unfortunate this way ?. What teenagers of my age usually do is having a fun. Because I don't have friends, I hardly ever feels what having a fun is like. Today I played a basketball with two of classmates . I laughed and had some fun. You know what, I hit my middle finger so hard to a ball in perpendicular position. Now it is swollen.
Another completely new thing. When I feel down, it is very likely something bad would happen to make me feel more down. I mean, When I'm feeling lonely, some people tend to more rude and mean to me. It only ends up hurting me emotionally. Also little accidents, for example someone accidently hitting my shoulder when I'm walking down the hall sad. It is like when you are feeling wounded sinking slowly to a cold bog silently, people push down you deeper to that both intentionally and unintentionally. I know this experience very well and this happened to me many times as well. That Is why I try to be fierce and sharp-tongued so I can prevent myself from further sadness.
For example, It is just one of the examples, It is very recent example. Today I was just feeling bit lonely and nervous because of my exams. I did something stupid mistake in math. I made my teacher's correct equations wrong and insisted mine is correct. Of course I was totally unaware. My teacher, who is a a male teacher, talked to me in a very serious manner. When a man shouts at me and just talks in a serious manner, I get bit terrified and shake. Probably it is because I've grown up with many females, no male person at all. Because of that I was bit frightened. After that I asked my classmate if she has some papers she does not need. I asked her like 5 times repeating same thing because I needed some papers so badly. She totally ignored and when I raised my voice she shouted at me " Stop nagging me " at that time I noticed my another classmate looking at me like " Poor bebeskii ". I may not forget that look forever !. She could have just said no or yes. The class was dismissed so she could have just answered and looked at me. It was like humiliation in front of classmates. I felt down much more. When I headed the bus station and when I was just getting into the bus. Old woman shouted at me " Could you walk fast, because of you I nearly got hit my bus door". Actually the person in front of was blocking the way. Okay I felt even deeply hurt. Loneliness, Hollowness, A-level exam stress, Social anxiety, Social rejection. All of these things were so much for me to endure at once. I tried very hard not to cry but as soon as I entered my apartment. I broke into tears. Do you know how much I wanted a shoulder to cry on ?. My aunt would never understand me. When I'm feeling down, She says some VERY HORRIBLE things. Because of her, I cried many times. She says " You weakling got bullied by those underlings again. You must be the underling of underling.". (It is certain I would never allow anybody to bully me. I know how to defend myself. I have been bullied in middle school terribly for a whole year so I would not let anything like that to happen in my life ever again). " You're saying the exams are hard so Why are your classmates getting A*'s and you're not getting that. You little poor social creature" something like that. It all feels like sharp razor cutting through my chest. It bleed a lot. Let's forget my aunt. All of these things seems not fair. I wish this cycle would end at some point in my life. I learnt two lessons.
1). When something good thing happens or you get a chance to have fun, Try your best to be as solemn as you can So you can avoid something bad thing to happen.
2). Never give a chance for people to make you feel sad so try your best to be fierce and sharp-tongued in order to avoid getting hurt deeper.
To sum up I would like to say It is funny how this cruel world never misses a chance to put me down when I'm wounded. I hate it, just hate it. I hate high school. I hate my poor life. I hate that ***** ( that girl ). I hate my dumb classmates. I hate this freaking country.HATE IT

 

[Surcruxum]

2). Never give a chance for people to make you feel sad so try your best to be fierce and sharp-tongued in order to avoid getting hurt deeper.

Agree completely. But doesn't have to be fierce or sharp tongued to stop making people torture you. It's all about the emotional state a person's in. My situation is pretty much the same as you (again). It's all about balance. If 1 person is talkative one of the other is usually silent. Try to be on the top and not the bottom. I figured this out when a bully kept bullying me and I found a way to silence him once, twice, and eventually when we crossed paths he's silent and I'm the one who's talking to him. It also worked for 2 other bullies (I get bullied a LOT) and now they became my friends. I'm not saying that you should be talkative. Just find out for yourself how to stop the loner feeling. It's toxic. At least in public cause loner feelings are the best when you're alone.

Again I know this from experience and anyone is welcome to criticize me.

A question, where is your country?

 

[Bebeskii]

2). Never give a chance for people to make you feel sad so try your best to be fierce and sharp-tongued in order to avoid getting hurt deeper.

Agree completely. But doesn't have to be fierce or sharp tongued to stop making people torture you. It's all about the emotional state a person's in. My situation is pretty much the same as you (again). It's all about balance. If 1 person is talkative one of the other is usually silent. Try to be on the top and not the bottom. I figured this out when a bully kept bullying me and I found a way to silence him once, twice, and eventually when we crossed paths he's silent and I'm the one who's talking to him. It also worked for 2 other bullies (I get bullied a LOT) and now they became my friends. I'm not saying that you should be talkative. Just find out for yourself how to stop the loner feeling. It's toxic. At least in public cause loner feelings are the best when you're alone.

Again I know this from experience and anyone is welcome to criticize me.

A question, where is your country?

You're very right about that balance. The way you defended yourself against bullies is very similar to me. I'm actually very talk-active person. Probably too talk-active but most people know me as a quiet person so I just be quiet at school.
My country is Mongolia. Very beautiful country with fantastic nature and sensational history.

 

[Surcruxum]

Is it just me or there are too much similarities between us?

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think it's because bad things can happen on their own, whereas good things require us to work hard to make them happen.

 

[Peaches]

it is called impermanence, there is no way out of it, except accepting it

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/Impermanence.htm

 

[9006]

I read somewhere once that this happens to everyone, only others just don't mention it or like Peachie said; just accept it. I'm not saying you should; that's your decision. Though I too experience this, whenever something good is going on I often anticipate something crappy about to follow, but this is how the mind works, you tend to remember the bad rather than the good so I suppose it gets to be a habit and typically like any other habit is hard to break!

 

[Zett]

I think what you need to do because the inevitably of life is that 'honeysuckle will happen' is change how you interpret these events. Every time something bad happens you've gotta start practicing how to see how you can learn from it and move on without letting it drag you down. Life throws some serious punches at you and it's how you get back up that makes all the difference. If you have the mentality that you can and will learn from every bad experience in a way that positively affects your growth you're going to handle it better than people who get crushed by circumstance. You have to believe that you can bounce back up stronger each time life knocks you down.

I've also experienced the basketball jarring problem when someone threw a pass at me and my index finger collided into it instead of wrapping around the curve to accommodate the catch. Caused some serious pain that I never anticipated from what seemed like a harmless sport. It happens though, it happened to my friends too and one of them had a permanently changed finger as a result of the accident, you live to accommodate how you react to passes and you get better at it so it doesn't happen again. As for the classmate you asked papers for, could you have asked nicer? Were there alternative solutions? If not then perhaps she's not the person you should be asking. Either way I'm sure there were multiple solutions to your problems that you hadn't tried.

With any given bad experience, a good approach is to use the problem solving mentality. Look for alternate paths, pick the best possible path to achieve the solution. If you make a mistake and you end up having a bad result that's ok, you learn from experience so next time you pick paths you have a better idea of what works. In most cases if you really think deeply about them you'll probably find ways that could have produced a better outcome. Like asking really nicely, or asking what you did wrong instead of claiming the teacher was wrong are two ways you could have potentially improved your situation.

As for your aunt she sounds like she's giving you some really hard love. Though I'm not certain all that talk about underlings is good for your humility. In any case some people respond well to tough love and some don't. I'm of the type that responds well because when someone insults me I fight back inside. I tell myself "I'm not weak, I will fight to prove you wrong" and that's my way of dealing with hard attitude from others. I don't mean fight physically I mean fight with all my willpower to try my best mentally to prove them wrong.

I'm not really certain if you can simply adopt this method, but maybe just hearing my way of dealing with it might help you to make your own of it. I do believe though it's in human nature to want to survive and this survival mechanism is something you can draw strength from in times of adversity. Your self preservation can help you grow into a person of strong mind and body.

Try to practice seeing the positives of every outcome. You're doing well despite what you're going through, re-interpret these events so you can come out on top. Look for alternate solutions and paths that you can apply to best avoid the same problems. You still have the power to change how this affects you and it will make the difference between becoming depressed or becoming happy with yourself.

 

[Bebeskii]

it is called impermanence, there is no way out of it, except accepting it

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/Impermanence.htm

Thank you for suggesting that. I'm reading about that right now.

---

I read somewhere once that this happens to everyone, only others just don't mention it or like Peachie said; just accept it. I'm not saying you should; that's your decision. Though I too experience this, whenever something good is going on I often anticipate something crappy about to follow, but this is how the mind works, you tend to remember the bad rather than the good so I suppose it gets to be a habit and typically like any other habit is hard to break!

You're right ! Probably it has become a habit for me. I usually think about my social mistakes over and over but do think about something nice memory over and over.

---

I think it's because bad things can happen on their own, whereas good things require us to work hard to make them happen.

Yes indeed

---

I think what you need to do because the inevitably of life is that 'honeysuckle will happen' is change how you interpret these events. Every time something bad happens you've gotta start practicing how to see how you can learn from it and move on without letting it drag you down. Life throws some serious punches at you and it's how you get back up that makes all the difference. If you have the mentality that you can and will learn from every bad experience in a way that positively affects your growth you're going to handle it better than people who get crushed by circumstance. You have to believe that you can bounce back up stronger each time life knocks you down.

I've also experienced the basketball jarring problem when someone threw a pass at me and my index finger collided into it instead of wrapping around the curve to accommodate the catch. Caused some serious pain that I never anticipated from what seemed like a harmless sport. It happens though, it happened to my friends too and one of them had a permanently changed finger as a result of the accident, you live to accommodate how you react to passes and you get better at it so it doesn't happen again. As for the classmate you asked papers for, could you have asked nicer? Were there alternative solutions? If not then perhaps she's not the person you should be asking. Either way I'm sure there were multiple solutions to your problems that you hadn't tried.

With any given bad experience, a good approach is to use the problem solving mentality. Look for alternate paths, pick the best possible path to achieve the solution. If you make a mistake and you end up having a bad result that's ok, you learn from experience so next time you pick paths you have a better idea of what works. In most cases if you really think deeply about them you'll probably find ways that could have produced a better outcome. Like asking really nicely, or asking what you did wrong instead of claiming the teacher was wrong are two ways you could have potentially improved your situation.

As for your aunt she sounds like she's giving you some really hard love. Though I'm not certain all that talk about underlings is good for your humility. In any case some people respond well to tough love and some don't. I'm of the type that responds well because when someone insults me I fight back inside. I tell myself "I'm not weak, I will fight to prove you wrong" and that's my way of dealing with hard attitude from others. I don't mean fight physically I mean fight with all my willpower to try my best mentally to prove them wrong.

I'm not really certain if you can simply adopt this method, but maybe just hearing my way of dealing with it might help you to make your own of it. I do believe though it's in human nature to want to survive and this survival mechanism is something you can draw strength from in times of adversity. Your self preservation can help you grow into a person of strong mind and body.

Try to practice seeing the positives of every outcome. You're doing well despite what you're going through, re-interpret these events so you can come out on top. Look for alternate solutions and paths that you can apply to best avoid the same problems. You still have the power to change how this affects you and it will make the difference between becoming depressed or becoming happy with yourself.

Thank you VERY MUCH. Again you've just really helped me to deal with an another problem. Wow you gave me different perspectives. I've just realised how important it is think flexibly. I get every advice and suggestions you wrote down. Actually, I'm always kind to my classmates. Probably she was trying hard to solve some mathematical problems inside of her head. Nevertheless, she ignored my question 5 times. I did not make it annoying. Even she went to the board and start a conversation with her two friends, so into the topic. I tried to get involved in that, trying to a draw an attention from her again but I was bit emotionally hurt. I only asked her because she is the one who is the best at mathematics. My guess is she sees me as a competitor and giving a past paper she worked on would give me a great advantage. Maybe that is why ignored me. Anyway, people like her would not go far even with good qualification. I was about to fight with her on Monday verbally. Now I've just figured out a better way to approach her. I was about to call her B***c and insult and lecture her until I think it is enough ( I hardly ever use curse words by the way). That sounds horrible but TOO GENTLE me gets TOO FIERCE but with very good control over my words and emotions when I get emotionally hurt. Again thank you. *hug*

 

[Jenifer]

It may be because of the planets placements and transits. If they are retrograde they will have a deeper influence on you. So be careful,try and look for some sites online that will explain this to you better or even advice lines.