Why do people hate me so much?

[VanillaCreme]

Of course they don't want my attention, they're ignoring me, just waiting for me to go away.

I think you kind of missed my point. They're ignoring you for a reason. Not everyone will want your attention. Pay them no mind. You'll come across someone who does want your attention, and that's who you'll need to pay mind to.

 

[Minus]

Why do people stare at me like I'm a piece of s*** everywhere I go? When I get in my car, go to the store, go to the gym, walk my dog. People hate my existence. ...

You really don't give much information to go on. I find that people are pretty absorbed in their own business and don't really notice me much, other than maybe glancing at me as i pass by. That is just me and doesn't seem to apply to you.

Since it sounds like you have little to no interaction with most of these people, how did you determine that they hate you or look down on you? Is it your interpretation of what you feel that you see on their face or is there something a little more concrete that people do to you every where you go that lets you know that they hold some ill will towards you?

 

[ardour]

And clothes and looks probably have nothing to do with it. As long as you're clean and not caked in dirt and feces, I see no reason why the average person would snub their nose up to you.

So basic hygiene yes, but looking like you buy your clothes at Walmart isn't a problem. In terms of being attractive, I would say it is a problem.

He should probably look at what others his age wear, go to some surf/skate store and pick out what flatters him. A bit more expensive but not necessarily hugely so.

 

[VanillaCreme]

And clothes and looks probably have nothing to do with it. As long as you're clean and not caked in dirt and feces, I see no reason why the average person would snub their nose up to you.

So basic hygiene yes, but looking like you buy your clothes at Wall Mart isn't a problem. In terms of being attractive, I would say it is a problem.

He should probably look at what others his age wear, go to some surf/skate store and pick out what flatters him. A bit more expensive but not necessarily hugely so.

I buy my clothes at Walmart. There's a difference between being neat and clean, and being uppity about name brands. I don't care brand it is, as long as it's clean and it fits, I'll wear just about anything.

He should wear what he wants. No one has to blend in just to fit in.

 

[Erevetot]

I doubt appearence is the issue. I mean, I don't dress "normaly", I don't look "normal" and while there are people looking at me weird or "scared", not everyone does.

I doubt it's the clothes or the looks of the OP. It may not even be hate, it may be nothing. 2 years ago , I used to think people made fun of me everywhere I go, that people looked at me and laughed at me. I was overweight for the first time in my life and I felt bad and insecure about it. When I calmed down I realized that it was all in my mind. That none payed negative attention to me, that it was me that hated me due to my weight.

It may be the same issue with the OP. If you dont accept yourself for who you are, it'll feel like noone else does.

 

[Regumika]

I buy my clothes at Walmart. There's a difference between being neat and clean, and being uppity about name brands. I don't care brand it is, as long as it's clean and it fits, I'll wear just about anything.

He should wear what he wants. No one has to blend in just to fit in.

I agree. Neat and clean is usually what people look for. Unless of course your ideal look is - dirty (I have nothing against preferences, to each his own). Also, if name brand is your thing, do it. No one can say otherwise. Walmart clothes is just fine too. $10 jeans that last several years? why not?

Blending in.. This is an interesting topic that haunts a lot of us. Because once we actually blend in, we then want to be unique. So much for blending in, huh? Which is to say, blending in shouldn't be our goal. Blending in is just a bandaid. We are all different and it should stay that way. Find out who you are and be who you are with confidence.

 

[ardour]

I buy my clothes at Walmart. There's a difference between being neat and clean, and being uppity about name brands. I don't care brand it is, as long as it's clean and it fits, I'll wear just about anything.

He should wear what he wants. No one has to blend in just to fit in.

Okay I should have thought twice before saying that.

I would say whether anyone should need to change their appearance, and whether people are shallow for judging by clothing is a separate discussion. Like it or not it affects first impressions with a lot of people.

 

[Cucuboth]

People used to stare at me or laugh. Sometimes they whispered things or giggled. I was shy and probably looked ridiculous.
Maybe they still do it but I don't notice it so much ?

Just ignore them and try and build your self confidence up.

Things like this still happen to me, and I'm 38. Getting laughed at, pointed at, ignored or refused service in a store, cafe or restaurant, people making it obvious that they don't want any physical contact with me, no matter how minor it is, and then making faces and noises about being disgusted or feeling sick if/when it does happen, people who should be old enough to not do so doing that old school trick of pushing a friend in to me and then joking that that friend 'touched' me, people refusing to sit near or next to me, or refusing me a seat on a public transport, getting spat at, and so on and so forth. I could go on with the thing that happen most times I go out.

Ignoring it doesn't make it stop. Saying something to the people who do it doesn't make it stop. They just laugh.

Yet, sometimes, when I would go out with a therapist (as part of the therapy), most times it wouldn't happen at all. A few times it still did, and the therapist was shocked by it (I don't think he really believed me until he saw it happen), but most of the time, if I was obviously with someone, it seems that I no longer became a target. Thing is, out of the therapy setting, there's nobody else to go out with.

I sometimes get negative reactions, women looking away, crossing their arms, turning their noses up if they have to speak to me in a store/cafe etc. but I think being oblivious helps you fade into the background a bit and lessen the likelihood of this.
Curious - do you wash daily (a no brainer...), shave, wear clothing that is for want of a better word 'trendy', and have a haircut that suits your head shape? If it looks like you respect yourself then people won't be so inclined to ridicule.

Well of course I bath every day. It's kind of insulting to assume that someone doesn't, just so you know. I wear what is probably normal for men my age to wear, or so I see.

People seem to ridicule if they believe it's the easy, common, and popular thing to do so.

 

[ardour]

Well of course I bath every day. It's kind of insulting to assume that someone doesn't, just so you know. I wear what is probably normal for men my age to wear, or so I see.

People seem to ridicule if they believe it's the easy, common, and popular thing to do so.

There's no need to get insulted, I'm simply discounting that as a possibility. Some people don't. Try dressing younger, like guys in their 20's. It doesn't look out of place at all now. A suggestion anyway, take it or leave it..

 

[WhyDoPeopleHateMe]

Another thing, when I'm driving in my car, everybody is staring at me. The person in front of me is looking at me from their rearview mirror, people passing me are giving me nasty looks, the person in the car behind me is looking at me in my sideview mirror. It never ends. Every time I drive I end up losing my temper and slamming the steering wheel or giving someone a death stare/the finger, because it makes me so angry that people can't keep their eyes on the ******* road and off of me. What the fresia do people want from me they keep staring at me, I hate them. fresia them . I don't even want to know these people because they're nasty and have no manners. Words can't describe the hatred I have for them. Even if some well-known celebrity stared at me like that I would hate them too. Stop staring at me, ********.

The only people who don't stare at me are attractive women. They make sure not to make any sort of eye contact with me.

 

[Regumika]

1. You still haven't told us why people give you the "Looks." (with the exception that you MIGHT have a fashion issue(?))

2. I think you're paranoid.

3. Stop staring at people.

You're not helping us help you...

 

[WhyDoPeopleHateMe]

1. You still haven't told us why people give you the "Looks." (with the exception that you MIGHT have a fashion issue(?))

2. I think you're paranoid.

3. Stop staring at people.

How can I tell you why if I don't know why? All I know is people look at me weird. If I'm such a bad dresser then don't look at me, why look at something you don't find pleasing? And I don't stare at people. I glance at most. I was taught that staring is rude. Apparently other people weren't taught that.
I just feel like people despise me, and I don't know why. It's probably because I'm weird looking. I've been told I have weird eyes. Having any form of physical flaw is unnacceptable I guess. I don't think I'm ever gonna be happy because someone will always be there to ruin my happiness, because people believe I don't deserve it. For a society that preaches so much tolerance, people are not tolerant of me at all. I just try to live my life and people hate me for it. I think they're threatened by me or something.

 

[Regumika]

We gave you some examples to go off of. I mean, you see "normal" all the time right? Maybe you can point out in yourself whats "not normal" (not that it makes any real difference since you shouldn't compare yourself with other people). Being different is good.

You glance? Well stop glancing. You know who ruins your happiness? You. As harsh as that is, no other way around it.

How do people on wheelchairs handle this? People on crutches? people with no hair? super short/tall people? Many people have weird eyes, weird hair styles, weird fashion. They move around in the world just fine even IF people look.

 

[TsundereCosplayer]

Its not that people hate you, it is because they just din't feel to be around you. My classmate experienced the same thing. She thought that WE hate her, but in reality, we can actually choose our friends. Plus, they don't have a reason to hate you if they don't know you. Most of the times the ones who hate you are the people who do not know you, I dun' know why. I'll just tell you this, if you feel that they hate you, do not care about it. They don't know who you are so they don't have one freakin' right to hate you without reason. And about that staring, don't mind them. They would just keep on staring if you death glare them or point "the finger" at them. Be careful about your actions because that may also have added as to why you think people "hate" you. That's all. I hope I helped. =)

 

[ardour]

Plus, they don't have a reason to hate you if they don't know you.

the reason is usually to do with appearances and/or whatever demographic categories you belong to. People are nasty like that.

 

[Boggy]

Another thing, when I'm driving in my car, everybody is staring at me. The person in front of me is looking at me from their rearview mirror, people passing me are giving me nasty looks, the person in the car behind me is looking at me in my sideview mirror. It never ends. Every time I drive I end up losing my temper and slamming the steering wheel or giving someone a death stare/the finger, because it makes me so angry that people can't keep their eyes on the ******* road and off of me. What the fresia do people want from me they keep staring at me, I hate them. fresia them . I don't even want to know these people because they're nasty and have no manners. Words can't describe the hatred I have for them. Even if some well-known celebrity stared at me like that I would hate them too. Stop staring at me, ********.

The only people who don't stare at me are attractive women. They make sure not to make any sort of eye contact with me.

I have had this sort of feeling my whole life. I know it's real. I get it walking or riding on the street. Was picked on mercilessly in elementary school by a handful of bullies. Still get it today at work from certain people (nothing actionable however). Also when I'm in my car. Now, since it's in my car, it must have something to do with my face, or the car itself. The car is a normal, average car, so it must be my face, and some big feature of that can be seen through the glass. The glasses, maybe. The hat, maybe. My chin line is odd due to nature plus bad orthodontic work.

But, not everyone sniggers and points. Used to think it was everyone. Actually that was paranoia, due in part to residual effects of smoking weed. If you smoke weed, stop. Takes weeks for it to clear out of your system. Also, maybe it's the life situation you're in that's stressing you out and inclining you toward paranoia.

Maybe only a few people are actually like that. I bet most are not looking at you but thinking of something in their heads or on the phone or radio. The ones who are looking at you and sniggering or whatever, many of them have worse problems and lives than you do, so just ignore them, or take their attitude as a warning of who isn't your friend. Their attitudes toward someone they don't know says more about themselves than about you. I have come to realize that people who pick out & laugh at persons on the street aren't worth knowing or worrying over.

Try to overcome getting raged/excited. Not good for your health or your driving. Maybe some of the people looking at you strangely have seen you pounding the wheel and giving the finger..? Maybe you're breaking some driving rules, like toodling in the left lane..?

Consider sending one or more of us a photo(s) of your face from different angles if possible & of you standing up in normal clothes. If it's something big that people are instantly reacting to, maybe one of us can tell you what it might be. The 'thing' need not be only one visual thing, but if it's something people can see through car windows as you drive by, then there must be at least one big visual thing.

I know the feeling. I feel like that one gazelle in the herd that the lion has zeroed-in on early, and knows that he's in the crosshairs. The worry about it has faded as I've got older. I'm in my 50's and the lion hasn't got me yet. To help keep calm I don't look into strangers' faces if I can avoid it. If I can explain it like I was an animal (which I am...) I want to know what's going on and keep safe, but don't threaten others by looking directly at them unless I think there's a (real, imminent) threat from them.

 

[lonelydoc]

I'm a physician and feel the same thing from my patients, and from society as a whole.

Screw 'em. The mass of humanity are poor ugly brainless dolts who think they are rich, beautiful, and intelligent.

Don't let them get to you.

 

[WhyDoPeopleHateMe]

Here's a photo. I purposely chose one of the worst I could find. This is what I look like after a long day at work Even when I dress nice like this I get no positive attention, only negative or none at all. It must be my face.

Another thing, when I'm driving in my car, everybody is staring at me. The person in front of me is looking at me from their rearview mirror, people passing me are giving me nasty looks, the person in the car behind me is looking at me in my sideview mirror. It never ends. Every time I drive I end up losing my temper and slamming the steering wheel or giving someone a death stare/the finger, because it makes me so angry that people can't keep their eyes on the ******* road and off of me. What the fresia do people want from me they keep staring at me, I hate them. fresia them . I don't even want to know these people because they're nasty and have no manners. Words can't describe the hatred I have for them. Even if some well-known celebrity stared at me like that I would hate them too. Stop staring at me, ********.

The only people who don't stare at me are attractive women. They make sure not to make any sort of eye contact with me.

I have had this sort of feeling my whole life. I know it's real. I get it walking or riding on the street. Was picked on mercilessly in elementary school by a handful of bullies. Still get it today at work from certain people (nothing actionable however). Also when I'm in my car. Now, since it's in my car, it must have something to do with my face, or the car itself. The car is a normal, average car, so it must be my face, and some big feature of that can be seen through the glass. The glasses, maybe. The hat, maybe. My chin line is odd due to nature plus bad orthodontic work.

But, not everyone sniggers and points. Used to think it was everyone. Actually that was paranoia, due in part to residual effects of smoking weed. If you smoke weed, stop. Takes weeks for it to clear out of your system. Also, maybe it's the life situation you're in that's stressing you out and inclining you toward paranoia.

Maybe only a few people are actually like that. I bet most are not looking at you but thinking of something in their heads or on the phone or radio. The ones who are looking at you and sniggering or whatever, many of them have worse problems and lives than you do, so just ignore them, or take their attitude as a warning of who isn't your friend. Their attitudes toward someone they don't know says more about themselves than about you. I have come to realize that people who pick out & laugh at persons on the street aren't worth knowing or worrying over.

Try to overcome getting raged/excited. Not good for your health or your driving. Maybe some of the people looking at you strangely have seen you pounding the wheel and giving the finger..? Maybe you're breaking some driving rules, like toodling in the left lane..?

Consider sending one or more of us a photo(s) of your face from different angles if possible & of you standing up in normal clothes. If it's something big that people are instantly reacting to, maybe one of us can tell you what it might be. The 'thing' need not be only one visual thing, but if it's something people can see through car windows as you drive by, then there must be at least one big visual thing.

I know the feeling. I feel like that one gazelle in the herd that the lion has zeroed-in on early, and knows that he's in the crosshairs. The worry about it has faded as I've got older. I'm in my 50's and the lion hasn't got me yet. To help keep calm I don't look into strangers' faces if I can avoid it. If I can explain it like I was an animal (which I am...) I want to know what's going on and keep safe, but don't threaten others by looking directly at them unless I think there's a (real, imminent) threat from them.

 

[FauxReaL]

This is black and white thinking. Most people don't give a fresia about you. They're indifferent. They are too concerned about their own problems to care. While this may sound bad, it's actually good thing. Who (especially out of us) would want that kind of attention? Sure we're quick to prejudge someone, but often times you will talk to people and grow on them... Quit trying to read people's minds. A lot of people have what is called "resting *****-face", where they just look sorta pissed without feeling that way at all...

Even if they do "hate" you... Not everyone is going to like you. Seek out the people that do and stick with them. Barely any friends isn't a bad thing. Statiscally, the average 'Mercan has 2 close friends. That's all you need. Give those few friends the attention they deserve.

Here this song conveys what I'm saying a lot better:

[video=youtube]

"fresia them otha niggas, cuz I'm a quiet mawfucka."

and never even kissed a girl. Women won't give me a chance because they hate me like everyone else.

Try dating sites. Just be yourself on there and SEND (clever. most chicks don't respond to a "Hi" because they get so many of those) MESSAGES to girls in your area. Seems like you can talk pretty openly on the internet, even if you have trouble with it IRL. Trust me, you'll be able to find a demure, socially awkward penguin who likes you if you look long enough... an on ur profile don't front either. If you make a bunch of lies on your profile and the girl meets up with u and some of the stuff you said isn't true... it won't go any where at all.

but in all honesty, focus on you rn. Be the best man you can, for yourself. Not for these hoes (I'm being misogynistic, 'xcuse me breh). Accrue that lucre, move up at your job, and get in shape. Get all brolic and honeysuckle. Start making art and get ill with it. Chicks dig a guy who can make some dope art. I rap, make beats, and draw graff and it impresses not only women, but other dudes.

I don't have many friends and have only been with one girl but that's because I don't really try to get on that honeysuckle... I will tell you, acquaintances think/say I'm a really rad dude... and I'm sure other people feel the same way about you. You just gotta put you best qualities on the forefront, and keep all the negative ones between yourself and your good friends.

Don't worry so much about what other people think. It's easier said than done, but once you figure out how to do that... you'll be much happier. You'll make a lot of mistakes and be rejected a lot but don't give up. How you think all those great people we look up to got to where they be? They worked hard, made blunders along the way but didn't let them discourage them.

Here's a photo. I purposely chose one of the worst I could find. This is what I look like after a long day at work Even when I dress nice like this I get no positive attention, only negative or none at all. It must be my face.

You aren't a bad looking dude AT ALL, if that's what you look like when you're all beat up after a long day... then you look good to me. If it bothers you that much try out a new hair cut or clothes or something. You're not morbidly obese, you don't have any deformities. I'm sure girls would kill to be with you. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Start on meds, see a therapist, do CBT/DBT, and read self-help books if you want to get better. Spend less time on the computer and do productive things.

 

[Boggy]

Dear 'Young Man',

I haven't looked in on this for a while. Only saw this yesterday, so please forgive the delay in replying.

It's only one selfie so it's a bit of a stretch, but. You do look tired there. Overall attractive face. The thing that stands out to me - you have big lips! Not a bad thing. I think of photos of young Ringo, or Steve Tyler. Potentially very attractive signature feature. However, for an overall attractive effect, ya gotta have an underlying energy that comes from being fit and healthy. Good food and not too much or too little of it, the right amount of exercise for you, no smoking. (I know people automatically react to me more favorably at times I am fit and healthy - face and moves show the positive energy.)

So, people who notice you and react to just your face - count them as curious. FauxReaL is right. It's an opening for you, they may be more inclined to talk after noticing you, it's up to you where to go with it. Don't get mad at them. The majority of the ones that seem to scowl - either 'resting ***** face' or, I'll add, maybe an 'I'm-busy-don't-distract-me' face. (They may have noticed you but are intent to stay focused on their own worlds. When you get old, this sort won't notice you any more. Trust me on that.)

As I said before, for the ones (and I bet it's fairly few) who actually are, in effect, pointing and laughing -- you just have to move on. No benefit to you from getting upset over it.

Shirt. Your collar is sticking up. Chest might be a half size large, cut for a heavier guy. Details like that matter in first impressions. I am not a good clothes person myself. Some women are good at this and might advise you. Careful - some aren't but think they are. (I'm thinking of my own mom! ::rolls eyes:: )

Hair - Unremarkable. I like sexy long hair on a guy (as long as he's young and with nice hair to start with), but maybe that's just me. I know long hair isn't the style right now.

So, relax. Your face is fine. You look fine.

As far as women, he's right. Nothing wrong with your face & I think a girl will certainly be able to look on you with pleasure. But your face alone isn't enough. Like we've all been saying, it's what's inside of you -- what people learn about you when you interact -- that counts in the end. You've just got to suffer rejection until you find somebody you like. Until you find someone you can like, you may -probably will- visit rejection on others too - it hurts them too, but you have to do what you have to do. That's life.

I have tried to refrain from burdening you with my problems in this post. Here I go... I will say, I've finally learned after all these years, it's not my ugly face (big nose and receding chin) that's caused me to be lonely. It's my overall low energy level that has me staying home too much and doing too little outside of going to work. (Blame a lifetime of bad habits - starting with 'inert brainwaves' abetteted by hanging with the wrong people, cig and pot smoking and binge drinking esp. in those earlier years, too much food for long intervals, too little exercise sometimes.) And, confused attraction tortures me. (Important to realize the 'torture' part is in my mind and not something external.) I have had many opportunities to hang with decent people but I've always walked away. (As long as I'm vertical there's always another chance.) I'm a mess but can't blame my face.

Sincerely,

-'Old Man Who's Been There'

P.S. - I concur with FauxReaL's comments about getting a life, not just a job. Gotta find a way to be with people. My own job is not an asset to my psyche. It's just a place I go to get a check & pay for my food & housing. That's kinda sad. For a great many plain ol' folks in the old days it was church. A center of community where those who could help gave (labor, food, money, love- all in short supply back in the day) to those who couldn't. I can't abide the mythology however. I don't fit in the today-popular conservative-fundie type churches. Whole 'nother topic though so I won't continue.