Why do you expect to change?

[Pomato]

Ok so I've been going to CBT therapy for a year for an agoraphobia/social anxiety type problem. Obviously a lot of it relates to tremendously low self-esteem and no confidence and all that. Basically the main thing my doc tells me is that I have to "remove fear" from my mind/outlook on life so that I can actually talk to people normally and properly and say things I want to. But for months now that has been proving almost impossible. Sure maybe occasionally I "overcome" it and talk to someone or ask them out to coffee or something, but it's a tremendous act of will. And I think it's just not who I am. Of course I want to get rid of fear; it's a terrible problem in my life that stops me from reaching the same level of social/self happiness that healthy/normal people have. But it's an element of my personality/self as well, is it not?

Isn't it just my limitation? The same way a star athlete might have his limitations? Maybe he CAN score so many points in a quarter or hit a certain number of homers in a game, but only through some Extraordinary Unusual exertion, and NOT CONSISTENTLY, which means he'll never ever be as good as the guy a few places ahead of him in the standings. Well that might be my case. Maybe I'm just one of those people with a below average, fearful outlook on life that can't fundamentally be changed (just like people can't change the fact that they may be more/less happy/suave/extroverted/introverted/stupid/smart/fat/skinny than others). And maybe that's why I'll always really just be the way I am. If it means I'll be miserable in life, then those are just the cards I've been dealt. Has anyone else ever thought about this? Even people not going to therapy or anything?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Maybe.

But accepting that you have limitations is one of the easiest ways to get trapped by illusions. I personally believe that almost everything can be changed - and why shouldn't it? The brain is a plastic organ, not a fixed one, especially at a young age. Neural connections are formed, break, and reformed through experience and exposure.

Certainly one can start off behind others, but that doesn't mean that you can't be as good or better than others if you work harder. It could perhaps be seeing as a learning curve, initially easier and then steep; you'll catch up fast with the others.

I think its quite common to have some fear that change will somehow remove that Indisputably Unique And Original Part of Soul that is us. That's nonesense - there is no self but an aggregate of nature /and/ nuture. And as we gain more experiences and expose ourselves, we will add to that aggregate of experience that makes up /you/.

 

[paulo]

some people are a little or a lot more vulnerable than others and that is partly who you are shure.
but if there is a reason why it is worse than it should be, like low selfesteem or the way you grew up than it can be changed.
fear is usefull, normal and necessary really.
but to much of it is not.
but untill you have done everything that can be done about it to improve i wouldnt say its just who you are.

 

[hijodeganas]

Ok so I've been going to CBT therapy for a year for an agoraphobia/social anxiety type problem. Obviously a lot of it relates to tremendously low self-esteem and no confidence and all that. Basically the main thing my doc tells me is that I have to "remove fear" from my mind/outlook on life so that I can actually talk to people normally and properly and say things I want to. But for months now that has been proving almost impossible. Sure maybe occasionally I "overcome" it and talk to someone or ask them out to coffee or something, but it's a tremendous act of will. And I think it's just not who I am. Of course I want to get rid of fear; it's a terrible problem in my life that stops me from reaching the same level of social/self happiness that healthy/normal people have. But it's an element of my personality/self as well, is it not?

Isn't it just my limitation? The same way a star athlete might have his limitations? Maybe he CAN score so many points in a quarter or hit a certain number of homers in a game, but only through some Extraordinary Unusual exertion, and NOT CONSISTENTLY, which means he'll never ever be as good as the guy a few places ahead of him in the standings. Well that might be my case. Maybe I'm just one of those people with a below average, fearful outlook on life that can't fundamentally be changed (just like people can't change the fact that they may be more/less happy/suave/extroverted/introverted/stupid/smart/fat/skinny than others). And maybe that's why I'll always really just be the way I am. If it means I'll be miserable in life, then those are just the cards I've been dealt. Has anyone else ever thought about this? Even people not going to therapy or anything?

Interesting analogy with the star athlete.

And just how do you think the star athlete was able to reach the level he reached? By accepting "who he was" and sitting on his butt? You think he was dealt "star athlete" cards? I highly doubt it. In fact, that seems highly disrespectful to all the effort, time and energy he put in to making himself who he was. Most likely he did accept himself and his limitations, yes, but I'm sure he also decided that he was going to PUSH those limitations and EXPAND them with all his might.

 

[MindfulPerson]

I tend to be indifferent and passive, and just allow things to happen.
But you should just follow your emotions.. If it gets to a point where you're sick of the amount of self-confidence and esteem you have, you're already at a low point, so just attempt something..

Romance also works, but I've only seen the protagonists opening up when they're in the college life/ almost middle age...
I get my personality and culture from watching anime... so, you should find a prototype and model your behaviors until you get your own personality, the one that you've achieved and stressed for.

I hate it that we're social beings lol.
But then, why did I come unto the forums?
If you keep interacting with a lot of people on the internet, maybe you're personality of speaking freely on the forums will be used in real life...
Don't have personas!

Recently, my writing has been fused with my forum arguments in my English Class... but I still don't speak the way I write...
I do believe, I haven't met a friend in 2 years.. and I'm a Sophomore this year.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Interesting analogy with the star athlete.

And just how do you think the star athlete was able to reach the level he reached? By accepting "who he was" and sitting on his butt? You think he was dealt "star athlete" cards? I highly doubt it. In fact, that seems highly disrespectful to all the effort, time and energy he put in to making himself who he was. Most likely he did accept himself and his limitations, yes, but I'm sure he also decided that he was going to PUSH those limitations and EXPAND them with all his might.

And indeed, star athletes have more than just natural talent going for them but also a great degree of mental flexibility and willingness to learn. Even Andre Agassi, one of tennis' greatest talents, began losing consistently by 1994, but instead of giving up or just working on his conditioning, he humbly accepted the coaching of Brad Gilbert to change his entire play style even at the expense of many more losses. And yet by doing so, he gained a stronger strategy that led to his acquisition of the World #1 title.

The most powerful muscle is your body is in your head.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes...

Understand fear

Fear is just another human emotions.
Once I see this simple truth...
it takes the anxiety of feeling Fears...
Now Ive stop making a mountain
out of a mole hill.

Everyone is human..therfore all
humans have fears. Therefore
with knowlege. I know Im not
less than any huma being.
Why feel less than or less worth than?
Its corrective thinking...

SELF ESTEEM or SELF WORTH..
Its not others peoples worth..
If you conditioned yourself to
worry what others think..You
can uncondition youself.

Its what you thnk about yourself
your worth..
Corrective thinking would tell
you to value yourself the most.

Nothing wrong with feeling fears

Fear will keep me safe or out of danger.
Fear will stop me in my track.


Fear will also get me off of my ass...
Such as fear of straving to death.


Take the time to identify your fears...
not deny them or run from them.

With a lack of undertanding about
fear...
You simply missed use it or had the
process working against you.

---

Example....you stay in your comfortzone or safe zone...instead
of taliing or meetingt people

You compete and compair yorslef
to others....its unhealthy behaviors
or thinking....It east away at your
self esteem or self worth.

Know this...everyone is full of fucken honeysuckle
No one have all the answers to the mystery of life...Just thier own
ideas. Values Belief. Opinions. Percpetions.of life ...that is all.

---

Now that you also learn how to stop making a giants out of a midgets about people.

Learn How to look down at your chalenes instead of looking up at them.

Learn how to look at the big picture..
Step back to get greater view or awarness. Sometime when we focus
to much on a problem..we get tunnel
vision. Everything looks big and overwhelming...

---

Change your thinking...Change your life..

example...meeting and getting to
know people is not hard for me...
I live in accordance to my beliefs.
I f I think its hard...them Im going
to feel or find ways to make it hard.
I set up conditions to make it hard.

The same priciple can be apply to life..If I beleive life is hard...then
Im going to make it hard. If I think
its easy...Im going to make it easy.

---

Self imposed prison or limited thinking....

Yes some A personaliy people
want to impose their limited ways
of thinking on others..
My way or the highhway..thinkiing
People like that actaully have very
low self esteem..Its misery loves
company kind of behaviors.

As I said...people are just people.
Its all just perfernce.
one is not better than the other...
it just all perfences..

 

[Ak5]

I expect to change because I WANT friends and I KNOW that doing the things that I did before did not work. I know that being depressed does not work, I know that a low self-esteem does not work, I know that having zero confidence does not work, etc. I expect to change because I want to change; obviously, the thing that I was doing before didn't work, so I change my ways.

 

[hijodeganas]

I expect to change because I WANT friends and I KNOW that doing the things that I did before did not work. I know that being depressed does not work, I know that a low self-esteem does not work, I know that having zero confidence does not work, etc. I expect to change because I want to change; obviously, the thing that I was doing before didn't work, so I change my ways.

Nice!