Why do You Think You're Lonely?

[Resolve]

Have you ever linked introspection to loneliness?

Have you ever analyzed yourself to the degree where you discover many things about yourself?

Do you strive for a high level of self-awareness and awareness of others?

If so, how has this manifested itself in your life?

For myself, I have found that it has set me apart from most people because they aren't interested in what I have to say. It is comon for me to converse, but soon run out of small talk, and then I become quiet. I enjoy comfortable silences, but find that I tend to worry about how the other person might be feeling around me, and I will accomodate them as best I can, but then just feel exsausted...

As long as I can remember, I have endured this curse. A First Nations Elder once told me that I was an Enlightened One, and that being enlightened, would be like a curse. I have come to discover what that has meant, as I have stated above. It has manifested in the form of my realization, that I don't have the tools in my life to share my learnings yet. For me, I am still finding my voice.

What about you? Please share if you'd like. Thanks in advance,

Resolve.

 

[Phaedron]

I understand where you're coming from. Solitude and enlightenment often go hand in hand and the rare spiritual experiences we have can be hard if not impossible to communicate let alone expect anyone to relate to. I think it means that to heed the higher calling is often a lonely path.

I also have the same issue with people. They aren't interested in what I have to say and I run out of small talk and get quiet, except with other common interests of course. I'm also quite accomodating, but I have a history of being ripped off and taken advantage of by many many people including every friend and the love of my life. It has made me very bitter.

Solitude is truth. We are born alone, we die alone, and through language we can only communicate a small portion of our lives, especially our pictures, memories, and impressions of the past. Yes being alone gives me a lot of time to be introspective and strive for higher levels of awareness. 9 times out of 10 any meaningful human interaction turns out badly for me, so I am a point where I'm just about ready to accept being alone all the time.

When I was young my goals were to become wise, to explore and manifest my imagination, and to establish friendships, family, and love. Well I failed in the last part. My existing family died, I didn't find any friends I really related to, and certainly not love, until recently, and she broke my heart for all time.

I prayed on behalf of my heart, but it was continually broken. Finally, I stopped praying, I hated God, I renounced my faith and set out on a new journey. I discovered that, although I was meant to be alone, my love for humanity was strong and it was wrong that even one soul be hopelessly damned. So I finally accepted reincarnation and the notion of God... well refer to my signature for that. I concluded that he does not interfere with our lives, and cannot be counted on for miracles or anything like that.

I feel life within all things, especially the plants, but even inanimate objects. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's my awareness of God all around me, or maybe it's just insanity from being so lonely all the time. I mean it does seem crazy that the empty cans and bottles in my room seem to have some sort of personality.

 

[marfles7]

I don't know. I don't think there's only one reason why i am the way i am. Sometimes i feel it's a choice. I've had my chances to not be alone, yet i've chosen to be. I've said no to opportunities. Loneliness is also freedom, and i've had it most of my life. So it would be a big change to say yes. And that leads to another possible reason of my status which is the fear of a change in my life. Sometimes i'm afraid of share a life with a man. I know it's possible. Another reason is complex and low self esteem. A guy in college liked me and wanted to be with me but i felt unworthy to have a guy like that. It's a long story to explain that, but i've grown up thinking i was the ugly duckling and unworthy of love. I rejected the guy, but not because of him, but me. Stupid. But my low self esteem was stronger and beat me big time.

And another reason could be that i simply haven't been lucky. Despite having problems with self esteem i've been approached by people, but I haven't been approached by someone whom i think i could go on to something meaningful. Either they're married, or they're too far away for a relationship, or show no interest but having fun and that's it. A while ago i fell for a guy who left to become a priest. So i don't know. I take part of the blame for being lonely. But in all it takes more than one to tango.

 

[loketron]

because.
ive been surrounded with failed most of my adult life
im in the middle (hopefully more twoards the end) of my alone time of my life
and i absolutely HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Two Cents Tipper]

Hello all!

First off, I am no stranger to this site, only I had a different pseudo which I used rarely couple of years ago. Yesterday I decided to come back for a fast tour and read about what some of my lonely friends were up to. I felt great sadness reading some of the threads, not because of the reminder of my loneliness, but out of empathy to my fellow bloggers.

Before going into the discussion I would like to reassure my fellow bloggers that I too consider myself too enlightened and mature and that I too set myself apart from people because of this sense of illumination.

What I am about to say is by no means an personal attack, rather it's an opinion of the real issue, according to my own experience, and it should not be taken personally. I have spent many years contemplating over my loneliness and my failures in keeping friends or making new ones. Let alone having a real relationship with a girl. My aim is to share my conclusion hoping that it would help some of you reach your own.

Every day is a challenge for me. I wake up alone, I dine alone, I work alone, and I sleep alone. I have no friends at the office, and the little friends I make, they soon leave for whatever reasons. They get married, they get into relationship or simply they are repulsed by my attitude, whatever. There are tons of reasons.

Unless under extreme circumstances, enlightenment is a curse! As an idealist I want to say the right things and do the right things. I never dare crossing the boundary of the absurd out of respect for my enlightenments and my self respect. I often found myself in social situations where everybody is laughing over the silliest things. The most meaningless, empty and hollow conversations where outshining my discussions about social issues and political headline makers. You would often see me sitting quiet in my corner until a “real” discussion sparks and when the promise of a heated debate about what is ethical and what is immoral, what is acceptable and what is not, gets me agitated and all excited. Ah! Finally a chance to shine and show those poor thinkers what a real conversation is, only to find myself, shortly within seconds, quiet and cornered again because everybody lost interest in what I had to say. I did not understand why but I started to see a pattern. This is when I decided to examine my personality under the microscope, and the findings are terrifying. I am simply boring; I am too serious!

As much as I would like to blame society for failing me but I have to face the music and take blame instead. Society molded me into this shy, rejection fearer and self conscious person but I am what I am and I don't like it. The problem is not people, the problem is me. I simply do not have the proper tools nor the interpersonal skills to seduce and the more I fail the deeper into my shells I stoop. This is my sad reality, this is my curse!

I lately found myself spending a lot of time reading books about loneliness, pickup arts, art of conversations and art of seduction (AND I TOTALL HATE READING). Every time I read a page I get jolts of pain because of me finding out one more terrible truth about myself. These books are showing me what I am not and why I am miserably alone. Knowledge is truth; know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

The monumental challenge for me now is to change myself to better accommodate society’s’ needs and not the other war around. I have just begun understanding these things and my road to rehabilitation is long. Most of it will be paved with tears and disappointments. Until I complete my metamorphosis, I will spend long empty night alone filled with sorrow…

Yes! we are born alone, we die alone, the question remains; what do we do in between?

 

[coricopat]

Because I'm sick and can't get out and meet the kind of people that matter to me. I also made the mistake of putting all my eggs in one basket(case).

 

[Primero]

I do have friends, and I'm not particularly shy nor do I have any problems with public speech. I have never felt true connection with anyone, though I believe it is through faults of my own. I know I make my own obstacles, but I don't think those obstacles are necessarily bad - being picky is, I believe, the only way of finding what I am looking for.

Indifference and lack of interest in what other people around me converse about. It feels as if the people around me only look at the horizon over the ocean, even though the ocean is deep and full of mystery. I'm a fish =P

 

[AndrewM]

I think narcissism has a lot to do with it. (Though I don't necessarily mean being "narcissistic" in the technical, psychological sense of the word.) A couple of responses here have mentioned that being lonely seems like a choice. I think that's right in a sense. But it's a choice we make while wishing we could choose otherwise. And that suggests that loneliness is not really a choice we make, but it's more of a reaction. I think for most of us it's easier to be alone than to share our life with others, because of the painful experiences we've had in the past and that we want to avoid in the future. So we are reacting against a deep pain by keeping others at a distance, but we suffer for it because in most cases happiness and health lie in being with others.

Personally, I can be abstract and verbose, and sometimes I think this makes it difficult to connect with others. But I don't think this is the real reason why I'm lonely. I think rather that I have to make an emotional choice to be with others, and when I do that I'll be in a position to engage people on a more intimate level.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm not lonely

 

[coricopat]

I like that 'loneliness is a reaction more than a choic'e bit. Well said Andrew.

 

[Drama]

Dunno how to put it in words but I'll try
hmmm no one really knows the true me. Even if I speak with my classmates or else It's just about studies or unimportant subjects. I can't say another word related to my personal life to them. Perhaps I don't trust them enough to share things with them perhaps I feel Like they won't accept my character *shrug* I'm kinda weirdo lol or it's just that I'm an antisocial... After thought it's not very bad the way I live

 

[Carcass Raid]

Many reasons really. Probably because I come home and there's no one there ever. No one talks to me. My friends have left me for college. At work it's just work related small talk that I go through. Online even I rarely have anyone on that I feel like I can talk to. I'm terrible at making friends and the ones I usually make don't get a fair chance because I push them away or ignore them because...I dunno. They just aren't helping me ._. when they talk to me everything seems forced. Like, "Okay, I'm here for you so feel free to pour your heart out." Okay so I do so. "Aww, I'm sorry." is their reply. Alright?? eh. I don't need an apology for being by myself :/

It hurts, honestly. I'm afraid of living alone but I'm too paralyzed with fear to do anything about it.

 

[edgecrusher]

im lonely because im way too shy for my own good and i have never felt like i fit in anywhere. i dont go out ever really. i dont like bars or clubs, most people at places like that seem fake to me. i wouldnt meet my type at a place like that because my type wouldnt got to a place like that. my type stays at home being nerdy, lol.

 

[suckaG]

hmm. I wouldn't consider myself perma-lonely, but loneliness does come in powerful waves from time to time. in recent years I think it stems from my lack of having a significant/intimate other (aka: a gril* of my very own). but then again, my closest friends (with the exception of one married man) are all perpetually single too. that's how we roll I guess.

other than that, loneliness socks me in the gut at odd times, particularly when I am with groups of others (as with the well known 'alone in a crowd' feeling). I get all cold and numb, and feel like I'm a million miles away from everyone, and I wanna just go for walk on my own or something. but usually it eventually passes, and then I'm back to being all social and connected.

My loneliness may also come just from insecurity or overt self-consciousness (as opposed to consciousness of self, which I would love to have instead! gimme them prayer beads and meditation mat, stat!)

 

[Phaedron]

hmm. I wouldn't consider myself perma-lonely, but loneliness does come in powerful waves from time to time.

I've come to accept perma-lonely as inevitable, and everything comes in powerful waves from time to time, but that's all it ever is: waves that come and go. Never anything real and lasting.

in recent years I think it stems from my lack of having a significant/intimate other (aka: a gril* of my very own).

I too suffer from the lack of having a "gril" of my very own. At least the gril doesn't suddenly decide to leave you and change. No, it makes something fulfilling with your meat every time. (unless of course you fail at cooking.)

My loneliness may also come just from insecurity or overt self-consciousness (as opposed to consciousness of self, which I would love to have instead! gimme them prayer beads and meditation mat, stat!)

I find that prayer beads, meditation mats, and consciousness of self often lead to even greater isolation, both in finding inner peace with your solitude and in trying to explain any of this to others, but I suppose that's just me.

 

[Hidden Markov Model]

I suppose this is, well, tautological, but I think I'm lonely because I'm alone.

I'm not completely alone, but it would only take a few well-placed meteor strikes to change that. I have a few people who care about me, who I can talk to daily, and whatever, but I just don't have . . . someone I can hug, or whose shoulder I can cry on. (I don't actually shed tears all that often, and theoretically I wouldn't need to at all if I had the person, but, well, I guess that's actually the point.) I've gone off the idea of romance, so I'm not talking about that. I just mean, like, a good friend who I can see in person every day. And the thing is, you can't just pick a person at random and propose such an arrangement. You need to be able to relate to them, and the previous posts have shown how difficult that can be.

 

[Obsidian]

I'm alone and lonely because of the way I chose to "cope" with things several years ago: isolation. It's my own fault, maybe not the cause of it (mental illness) but I could definitely have been stronger and made better choices instead of just falling into hiding. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made, because it's been years and I still haven't managed to get back what I once had (which wasn't much to begin with). But I keep on trying and I'm determined that some day I will be able to break free from this.

 

[Island_S]

Have you ever linked introspection to loneliness?

Have you ever analyzed yourself to the degree where you discover many things about yourself?

Do you strive for a high level of self-awareness and awareness of others?

If so, how has this manifested itself in your life?

For myself, I have found that it has set me apart from most people because they aren't interested in what I have to say. It is comon for me to converse, but soon run out of small talk, and then I become quiet. I enjoy comfortable silences, but find that I tend to worry about how the other person might be feeling around me, and I will accomodate them as best I can, but then just feel exsausted...

As long as I can remember, I have endured this curse. A First Nations Elder once told me that I was an Enlightened One, and that being enlightened, would be like a curse. I have come to discover what that has meant, as I have stated above. It has manifested in the form of my realization, that I don't have the tools in my life to share my learnings yet. For me, I am still finding my voice.

What about you? Please share if you'd like. Thanks in advance,

Resolve.

I can perfectly relate to what you've posted...the reason being, thorough knowledge enlightens us all ...The more educated your inner state of mind --> The more enlightened you are! Trust me, the path to enlightenment is narrow and rough but once there, you see the true picture of things and relationships around you and realize that this world is infested with people who exhibit such shallow thoughts and that finding a person whom you can relate to, is like finding a needle in a stable! It's an accomplishment what only a few blessed soul's manage to achieve. Loneliness is just one facet of this mammoth accomplishment.

 

[dead]

hmm... i think there is another version of this thread somewhere here...

 

[*Sigh*]

I really don't know... Sometimes I wish I do though.