Why have I regressed?

[the-alchemist]

I don't understand why, but somehow I have regressed in my social skills. I used to have horrible social skills in the past, my relationship to the opposite-gender used to be practically non-existent, I never talked to people at any length. I couldn't even mutter a "hi" to people that I might recognize when we walked down a corridor.

I used to be desperate for attention, I was one of those "needy" people and I really scared people away. I mean fresia, I couldn't have the courage to say "hi" to girls. In short, I used to be extremely socially awkward. I did not have a single friends and I was horrible at having conversations with people. On top of that, my self-esteem was low as fresia. I never smiled, and talking felt very forced for me. I was never happy either, I always had a stern face that put people off. I was generally depressed with dysthymia.

In these past few months however, I have made alot of progress pretty fast. There is a girl at my work that I talk to, nothing romantic though but still, we talk and we laugh. That is a big difference considering that in the past I had an extremely hard time communicating with girls. Last week I had the courage to say "hi" to another girl at my work who I found myself abit attracted to. I have no problem saying hi to people anymore, I had no problem smiling anymore. And eventhough I have difficulties in my life, I still had high spirits. I felt good about myself. I had no problem keeping up a conversation either.

I even had lunch with a girl at my university that I am romantically interested in a while ago. To me that was a big thing because it's the closest thing I've come to a date.

Last night at my work however, I felt as if my social-anxiety demons returned. Once again, I had a problem greeting people, I couldn't look people in the eye. Once again I feel like a second-class citizen, like I am less worth than other people. I can't think of anything to say in a conversation because I'm so nervous, so I have trouble keeping up.

fresia, I don't understand. Just a week ago I felt good about myself, I didn't need other people to validate myself and now I have regressed back to my former anti-social self. The one who was socially awkward, who never smiled, who was always so desperate for people's attention.

Sorry if my english is bad, it is not my natural language. But I don't understand and I hate this honeysuckle that is happening. I don't wanna go back to my former self

 

[jbates]

Don't worry. You should be proud of the fact that you're taking steps to get away from this. However you can't expect notto relapse or feel insecure again at least once. I would even say it's impossible to simply hop from one side of the fence to another. You're at a point in your life where you're discovering alternate ways of leading your life.

If anything, your relapse could be tied to the fact that you've realized how much there is to the human communication part of life. You just started to break into it, and realized how much more there is to learn, how much more people there are to talk to, how much more there is to say etc.

All that can overwhelm you. My advice is to pace yourself. Keep talking to those who you can talk to. More than anything else though, stay positive. These new thoughts are a result of you realizing you can break away from this anxiety, but your body and mind are scared (for good reason).

 

[SophiaGrace]

I bet if you got treatment for your depression itd make it easier for you to look people in the eye instead of feeling a crushing sense of self consiousness...

 

[the-alchemist]

It's not about depression, because I didn't have a problem looking people in the eye and communicating with them. During my 'improvement' period

 

[SophiaGrace]

Maybe you were just less depressed during your improvement period?

 

[Brian]

Alchemist, I have followed a similar pattern of improvement and found the same issues. I think we all do when we finally make that improvement in our communication skills. I'm around people practically all the time now, whether at home or at work; and I still have days when I wish I could hide myself away for a week in some dusky apartment with the doors locked and blinds closed.

It might just be that you're an introvert like many of us here are. Introverts need time to themselves to regroup and recharge, and you can't really force the issue otherwise.

But whatever way you look at it, you've made a HUGE change to your lifestyle and behavior in a short amount of time. There will be a time of acclimation. It's like lifting weights. You have to gradually work up in weight and repetitions. Socializing is the same way. Just stick with it, pal; don't give up and be patient. Concentrate on relaxing and staying calm when you feel like you can't and just keep going slow.

 

[Badjedidude]

Social skills are skills just like any other.

If you never use them, you get rusty and lose them.

So get busy relearning 'em!!

 

[deirdre]

isndt there something called social anxiety disorder? I mean, some people are just wired differently, not able to cope .... sometimes they are born without the right chemicals flowing in their brain to process social situations, sometimes a traumatic event will precipitate developing anxiety attacks. I had a friend who was the most easy going, charming one of the bunch of us, she was just so down to earth and grounded, then both her parents died in a tragic car accident and she went from social butterfly to not even being able to leave her house. Medication was truly the only answer, that set the tone for her being able to really start learning how to cope with the issues in therapy....I suggest you see a competent doctor, see if there is a drug that might ease the symptoms a bit, lessen the overwhelmingness of your panic, then make sure you follow that up with a good therapist who has a track record with anxiety disorders. I usually NEVER suggest popping a pill as a way to cope....but with anxiety and panic, it truly is often a chemical thing and not something you can control. It is a serious step, not one to be taken lightly, but it might help lead you to a great awareness of yourself with a good therapist behind you and helping you