Why I think introverts tend to be lonely.

[Ampi]

I think most people tend to think that an introvert is depressed or lonely,
and that's what makes an introvert an introvert; those people would most definitely be wrong,
but it is easy to figure out why they might think this.

From an extrovert's eyes we may seem secretive, and just not as willing to share
many details about ourselves in front of larger groups of people while this
is second nature to them; this leads me to a question: Why are there such large groups of people in the first place?

To answer this, I found a quote, "According to several sources, extroverts make up 60% to 75% of the population, and introverts make up the remainder. This might explain society's alleged preference toward extroverted behavior."

Since large groups of people would be an extrovert's high point, it's no
wonder there are so many big gatherings, meetings and other such things, but wait, holdup for a second.
Don't most people not like meetings? if so, why did they become such a mandatory chore?
because, while most people hate the actual meeting, they love mixing and mingling afterwards,
so they put up with it, and this is just one of those extrovert oriented activities, such as: Partying, "hanging out", sports and the like.

Introverts, on the other hand, draw, write, play video games etc., the only problem with this is that most extroverts see these things as dull
and consider introverts to be lazy. This is usually centered on video games, but really, if you get the right kind of game,
it can actually take some neural energy to, say, plan out a strategy for Command&Conquer,
or wisely use what little bit of ammo you have for your weapons in Half-Life2. But I'm getting off track.
Since we seem so "lazy" to at least 60% of all the populous, it's no wonder we don't want to be little more open
with more personal things; this brings me back to why I think introverts are lonely.
The reason being that, since most find our introverted hobbies and interests to be, well, lacking, this makes it even
harder and more risky when trying to find a friend, with us already being few and far between and all.

You might ask yourself, how come extroverts don't feel the same way?
most of you already have the answer I'm sure, but it's because extroverts can
find their kind everywhere; in all walks of life. Heck, I'll go as far as to say
that even public schools and collages are built, mostly, for the extroverts.

Feel free to leave any comments, insights or objections.

 

[lonelyloser]

What I've seen is that extroverts really love talking about themselves. That's why they love people - without other people around, they wouldn't be extroverts. Introverts don't need other people around in order to be content or in order to spend time. Whenever I'm talking to an extrovert their first instinct is to talk about certain thing about their day, their life, etc no matter how trivial it may seem. However as an introvert that's not my first instinct. I might make some comment about the weather but I won't start talking about myself unless I'm given the cue to. Extroverts love social gatherings, sports, etc because it allows them a chance to display their extroverted personality and "shine". They never really want to be alone, and their weakness is being alone because they cannot stand that type environment for very long. Extroverts want to show off and share their great lives with other people, whether it be through sending pictures through facebook, talking on the phone, throwing parties, or hanging out. Every time they are in a social situation, they seek to increase their social capital by adding friends to their portfolio, thus making them even more cool and desirable to be with. At the end of the day, an extrovert's goal is to be wanted by people in society.

 

[snow]

I thought this was interesting. Found these on wikipedia:

Literary descriptions of shyness can be traced back to the days of Hippocrates around 400 B.C. Hippocrates described someone who 'through bashfulness, suspicion, and timorousness, will not be seen abroad; loves darkness as life and cannot endure the light or to sit in lightsome places; his hat still in his eyes, he will neither see, nor be seen by his good will. He dare not come in company for fear he should be misused, disgraced, overshoot himself in gesture or speeches, or be sick; he thinks every man observes him'.

In American culture, which tends to value outspokenness and confidence, a shy individual could be perceived as weak. To an unsympathetic observer, a shy individual may be mistaken as arrogant or aloof, frustrating the sufferer. In more forgiving arenas, shy people may be perceived to be thoughtful, good listeners and are more likely to think before they speak. Furthermore, boldness, the opposite of shyness, may cause its own problems, such as impertinence or inappropriate behavior.
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I've always hated being shy (i'm assuming introversion is equivalent) and have been moderately successful in destroying it. I still have certain introverted traits. I've mangled my personality so much I don't know which I am anymore. With some interpersonal relationships I am the extrovert while in others I am the introvert. The same way with social gatherings.

Of course video games are a sore spot for me, I'm just plain bad at most console games. Always loved PC strategy games.

 

[Ampi]

I found something about shyness and introverts:

"Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people."
(you can read the entire article here http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm)

I think it really hits the mark on how introverts can most definitely be outgoing and friendly; it just drains their energy.

 

[human_condition]

Yep, basicly we don't need people to be happy.

So really, it's more likely for an extrovert to be lonely than an introvert- think about it.

It's my shyness that makes me lonely, not my introversion. I find it hard to talk to people.

Introverts just don't WANT to talk to people

 

[Guest]

Introverts, on the other hand, draw, write, play video games etc., the only problem with this is that most extroverts see these things as dull
and consider introverts to be lazy. This is usually centered on video games, but really, if you get the right kind of game,
it can actually take some neural energy to, say, plan out a strategy for Command&Conquer,
or wisely use what little bit of ammo you have for your weapons in Half-Life2. But I'm getting off track.
Since we seem so "lazy" to at least 60% of all the populous, it's no wonder we don't want to be little more open
with more personal things; this brings me back to why I think introverts are lonely.
The reason being that, since most find our introverted hobbies and interests to be, well, lacking, this makes it even
harder and more risky when trying to find a friend, with us already being few and far between and all.

You might ask yourself, how come extroverts don't feel the same way?
most of you already have the answer I'm sure, but it's because extroverts can
find their kind everywhere; in all walks of life. Heck, I'll go as far as to say
that even public schools and collages are built, mostly, for the extroverts.

Feel free to leave any comments, insights or objections.

I'm not saying that these types characteristics don't exists, however I do believe they are even fewer than presented in that artice you provided. And although these characteristics may exist, I doubt that you can clssify someone as 100% introvert. Here are my two cents about this...
Enjoyment of playing video games, drawing, etc does not make you an "introvert"... majority of peope enjoy these things even at a later stage in life (i know of many that lead a full social life yet somtimes will prefer to relax and play). Being creative, and wanting some time alone also doens't make you an introvert. Correct me if I'm wrong, but as far as the people on this forum go, we are here for the simple reason that we are alone in one way or another. We are here to seek what is an inert human nature, and that is the need of contact, care, and compassion of other indiciduals. Thus we engage ourselves in this forum, to at least satisfy a portion of this need through conversation, and attention.
A simple reason (possibly) why you consider yourself to be this type of individual is because of your situation, that forced you to mature more rapidly than most kids your age, thus not having many things in common. Also your isolation from a social life (through not attending school) provided a different mentality on loneliness... I can assure you that most probably you will find yourself in a state of need for someone (relationship) as you age. If you say you are a person described with these qualities of an introvert, you probably wouldn't find yourself in this place, because you would be satisfied with your status.

The reason i say probably, is because I don't know you, but these are assumptions I'm making from your previos posts. Ohh and aother thing, loneliness and isolation lead to a depressed state of mind which alters your views on the world...as in you may find conversation with others stressful or energy draining because you cannot relate, however a depressed person will find other ways of explaining it.

 

[Silvernight]

This leads me to another question... All right, an introvert is someone who prefers being alone most of the time and generally finds company draining. But those who have this shyness problem and aren't particularly outgoing (the majority here) don't want to be alone. So who are these people? According to that definition, not introverts because they don't enjoy solitude. Underdeveloped extroverts?

 

[Ampi]

What I think about that question, is that if you don't, or can't, drain your energy in one form or another, like any physical substance, you will build up too much energy and eventually "explode", or in our case, become lonely; which in turn becomes shyness and depression. The reason for this could possibly be that, after having been in solitude for a while, our ideas on basically everything can become very biased and complicated. Making it hard for us to relate to other people, who might not understand the smallest bit of what we're trying to say.

For Guest's insight, I was stereotyping a lot, yes, just so I could get my idea out there. The only thing you got wrong about me, is the fact that I do like where I am in life; just that my ideas tend to build up faster than I can dispel them to others before they get out of control.
EDIT: I guess should tell you that I didn't come here to find people to meet, I came here to get my ideas heard by people who understand where I'm coming from.


Thanks for all the participation everyone, this is how I was hoping it'd turn out. Keep it up.

 

[lonelyloser]

What I think about that question, is that if you don't, or can't, drain your energy in one form or another, like any physical substance, you will build up too much energy and eventually "explode", or in our case, become lonely; which in turn becomes shyness and depression. The reason for this could possibly be that, after having been in solitude for a while, our ideas on basically everything can become very biased and complicated. Making it hard for us to relate to other people, who might not understand the smallest bit of what we're trying to say.

For Guest's insight, I was stereotyping a lot, yes, just so I could get my idea out there. The only thing you got wrong about me, is the fact that I do like where I am in life; just that my ideas tend to build up faster than I can dispel them to others before they get out of control.

Thanks for all the participation everyone, this is how I was hoping it'd turn out. Keep it up.

Being around people and having constant social interaction is what makes the extroverts more "normal". The fact that they have been integrated for so long is what keeps them in the club. If you're lonely, then you start forming certain opinions/judgments that keep you from being in that club. That and people like to hang around people who have a lot of friends. I think the shyness stems from the feeling that one is not accepted by society and therefore will not fit in even if he tries. We are perceptive human beings, and we know if we're a part of that club or not. The extroverts will instinctively follow other extroverts, causing the inequality to increase and increase. It's like incomes, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, because the system is designed for that to happen.

 

[Ampi]

Being around people and having constant social interaction is what makes the extroverts more "normal". The fact that they have been integrated for so long is what keeps them in the club. If you're lonely, then you start forming certain opinions/judgments that keep you from being in that club. That and people like to hang around people who have a lot of friends. I think the shyness stems from the feeling that one is not accepted by society and therefore will not fit in even if he tries. We are perceptive human beings, and we know if we're a part of that club or not. The extroverts will instinctively follow other extroverts, causing the inequality to increase and increase. It's like incomes, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, because the system is designed for that to happen.

As an introvert, I only need to have a small chat now and then, to keep my ideas fresh and not too muddled; This is what I'm trying to say when I talk about the energy build up. We don't need to be in clubs and such, that's what makes us "abnormal". If people don't understand you, it could come across to you as being rejected, and that would build up the fear of being rejected which is being shy. Introverts do not need to follow others, instead they tend to build up their ideas and have people follow their ideas, not themselves. So it all boils down to how people perceive other people, and how some might think that one is lacking, while the other could be thinking the same thing about the former.

While extroverts get their energy from being around people and talking about themselves, introverts, on the other hand, like to share their ideas while shedding as little light about themselves as they can. The best for one to do this would be through letters, IMs, forums and things like that; just enough interaction to expound upon their ideas while still staying in their own little space. Now, if this is the case, why are we lonely? I think it's because we see extroverts doing extroverted things all through our lives, and seeing that they are well liked, we want to do those same things. It's just that we can't, thus making seem like we can't make friends because we aren't willing to find ways of making friends with our introverted traits, and just stick to thinking that we are incapable of making any friends because we like to focus on the extroverts. Not the other introverts. This is probably so because introverts who are shy, as stated earlier, yearn for the life of an extrovert. At least I did until I found this site.

 

[Guest]

For Guest's insight, I was stereotyping a lot, yes, just so I could get my idea out there. The only thing you got wrong about me, is the fact that I do like where I am in life; just that my ideas tend to build up faster than I can dispel them to others before they get out of control.
EDIT: I guess should tell you that I didn't come here to find people to meet, I came here to get my ideas heard by people who understand where I'm coming from.

I'm not saying that you don't like where you're at in life... personally at the age of 14 if i had the independence like you I'd be cruising too lol.
But in my opinion, later on you will probably see the need for someone in your life, because being alone will become tough. I'm not sure if you've never been going to school or if your "self" schooling (i really don't understand how this works to be honest with you) started at a certain grade, but this type of lifestyle is most definately influencing your thought about people. After all, our perception of the world is developed based on our environment & experiences.
Anyways back to my point, right now you probably got support of your parents, you got video games and all that which is enough to satisfy your needs, but with age you desire something else, someone else.

And one more thing, unless this self-schooling is due to a particular reason, I personally do not see how this is beneficial? I mean i can't see how you can learn everything that is needed, or be prepared for the 'working' world as it's called. By any means you don't need to answer anything about this if you don't want to, nor get into anything specific... that's completely under your own discretion, it's just that this is the first time i have ever heard of something like this. Self teaching- quite a remarkable concept that i can't seem to get a grasp on.

 

[lonelyloser]

What I find really annoying about extroverts is they try to get involved in every conversation. I was once having a convo with this girl at work, I think we were talking about college or something (we went to the same univ.) and then this girl who we sit next to (who didn't go to that univ) tried to get involved and say something after we made a comment. I wanted to just slap her. I cannot stand people who try to intervene if I'm having a one on one conversation with someone. That's why I like being around introverts rather than extroverts, because they are not constantly trying to compete for the attention. Extroverts think that everything is just one big popularity contest.

 

[Ampi]

Think of self teaching this way, you find ways to learn what you want to, and on your own scale of time, effort, and how thoroughly you to want learn it.
I don't really know where you got the idea that I think that I don't need someone else to help me out, and I'd like to make it clear that i would really like someone like that right now, it's just that I can't find someone who could, so I'm just winging it for now.

I often worry what I will do when I start living away from my family, but one thing is clear; I want to make a living through writing, or, more specifically, I want to become an author. I also like to draw, so if I work hard on my artistry, I could probably find a job as, say, a graphics designer, or concept artist while I might be writing a book. There are many different ways to make a living, it's just that people probably like to focus on the "easier" jobs.

Now please, if you want to know more about me, could you take it to pms, or my intro thread? I don't want to derail this one; talking about my life.