Why is Attracting Disasters in Your Life Good?

[matthewferry]

Many of my clients spend their time avoiding disasters in their life. Nothing slows you down more then that. Disasters, chaos, destruction and failure are critical parts of your life’s progression. :club:

You don’t learn from doing it right. You don’t evolve from winning. You don’t grow from success. Doing it right, winning and success are the result of the lessons you learn from failing.

You need the contrast of not getting what you want. Don’t resist. Engage it. Every time a client goes into breakdown I aways say, “Something good is going to happen out of this. I wonder what it will be?”

 

[Naval_Fluff]

It's like, it's always darkest before the dawn. Or once you hit rock bottom you've got nothing left to do besides crawl up. Once I went to juvy and a psych hospital I really realized that life could be much worse, and that I shouldn't waste the short time I have.

 

[EveWasFramed]

It's like, it's always darkest before the dawn.... I really realized that life could be much worse, and that I shouldn't waste the short time I have.

You're awesome, Fluffers!

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Many of my clients spend their time avoiding disasters in their life. Nothing slows you down more then that. Disasters, chaos, destruction and failure are critical parts of your life’s progression. :club:

You don’t learn from doing it right. You don’t evolve from winning. You don’t grow from success. Doing it right, winning and success are the result of the lessons you learn from failing.

You need the contrast of not getting what you want. Don’t resist. Engage it. Every time a client goes into breakdown I aways say, “Something good is going to happen out of this. I wonder what it will be?”

I think that there's a difference between "disasters" and "challenges." I agree that facing challenges is a healthy way to grow and learn from experiences, especially the failures.

I think that actively courting disaster, however, is dysfunctional and unhealthy.

I hope that you aren't seriously encouraging clients to go out and risk real disaster just for personal growth.

 

[Naleena]

I think the key phrase here is learning. So many people fail to learn a lesson and so they keep repeating it. Some people who go through things do so the hard way because they lack the skills and knowledge to set themselves free. I have heard there are two ways to learn. One is from your mistakes and the other is from other peoples mistakes.

Some "disasters" we attract and others are just a part of life that we all must experience. I like to think we can grow from the disasters and from success. I believe every experience offers something of value. However, it is the darkest of times that we are forced to choose if we will become a victim or a survivor. Is it what we go through that helps define us or is it our ability to cope?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Nothing good came out of Jenni's death..justs pain and sorrows.
Nothing good came out of my children's death and my gf relasping into her alcoholism...
Just pains , sorrows and chaos.
And I sure as hell am Not attracted that....

It's life on life's term. I wasn't the first and I won't be the last to experince life on life's term.
I have to stand in line like everyone else. I don't have the conner on the market of sorrows.

It didn't make me a stronger nor a wiser person. I havn't discovered anything knew.
I've lost many things I love in my childhood...love, friends, securities, turst..etc.
Millions of peaple lived it, had written about it and shared thier experince
to help me cope, so I won't take it as life had singled me out. I'm not that specail.
Life on life's term cannot be avioded. FACE EVERYTHING AND RECOVER or fresia every and run.

Sometimes there's major injuries,...Ya gatta let it heal, lick your wounds.
Stop pretending everything is okay when it's not okay. Chill out and let your mind and body heal.
The human mind and body has great capcity to heal itself..
Sometimes there freaken scars from a wound. It's there to remind ya...Don't fresia up again or put yourself in harms way
when not neccesary.
Other times there's just scars from wounds becuase honeysuckle happens, accidents happens.
Thunder storms happens. Lighting strike people dead all de time...

Hmmmm...I garantee ya I won't be out dancing in the rain during a lighting or hail storm...eerr wtf.
Seek shelter and safty FFS.

There's a basic instink or drive within me as in any living thing to continue to live.
In other words...life keeps a rolling all night long

Logic say I should try to keep pain and suffering to a minimum or don't live in denial of honeysuckle just happens.

It's in my positive attitude or perceptions to help me cope or get through a storm in my life.
Some call it faith or perseverance.

Alocholic, Addicts, narcasis may like to do; live in denial, wear rose coloured glasses, ignorant is bliz,
or the elephant in the living room. It'll work as long as they're not the ones suffering the consiquence
or having to pick up the mess. Whatever disaters chaos a person must go through to hit a bottom...I suppose.
Go as deep as you wanna go...some people dig their own graves.
But ya don't have to hit bottom, let the bottom hits you.

A wise man may learn from his mistakes..A genius learns from other people's mistakes.
Some must die so that I may live...

Growing up in an alcoholic home..you're not allow to fresia up.
Ya best walk on eggshell (avioding a kick in the fucken head).
A common trait of an ACOA is being an over achiever. In other words,.. disaster avioding like a matafucka.

APPROPRICATE...
If you had ever worked on catapillar (heavy equipment)...Ya best learn how
to bring both sets of Standard and Metric tools...You're going to need the right tools for the right
job. You''ll be required to use both on appropricate nuts or bolts.

Ya can't use an adjustable (cresten) wrench on everything. It'll strip the freaken nut/bolts and cuase more damage.
In other words...one size dosn't fit all.

Nothing good comes from a broken down machinary....honeysuckle happens.
FIX IT and MOVE ON...and don't drive de **** thing into the ground. Take care of it.
whoaaaa..I'm a human being..I have feelings...FEEL IT and move on

 

[Naleena]

Crowe I think your pretty awsome and I bet you got some of that awsomeness from going through at least some of that crap. Would you be ther person you are now had you not gone through those things? Just wondering.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Crowe I think your pretty awsome and I bet you got some of that awsomeness from going through at least some of that crap. Would you be ther person you are now had you not gone through those things? Just wondering.

Thanks you Nalee...

I'll answer your question to the best of my abilities.
I am just awesome..that's all there is too it.
I'm awesome before I came here. I will be awesome after I leave here.

Here's the real deal...

I came into this world screaming.
"holy fresia, all of this is going to be a disaster"
No one understood me becuase of my baby talk.
To confirm that it was a disaster the **** doctor slapped the honeysuckle
out of me as I was scream.

From that moment forward I started thinking to myself...
* Beam me up scotty...Beam me up scotty *

Seriously...though. No..It made me a more of shitty person.
I recently spoke to a freind that I grew up with since grade school.
I havn't seen her since HS. She had a very good sence of humor
She's been a widow for 3 years. So...as I said, Life on life's terms.
I'm not the king of pains.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Okay..so I've been trying to rebuild a relationship with my step son (my ex-gf's kid).
I raised him from when he was a child.
I'm grateful that I'm able or is well enough to do this. The past couple of days
had been some what emotionally taxing for he and I.

However I still get triggers and reminders of how messed up of a person my ex is.
My step son had also been effected by all of her freaken disasters.
He dosn't even want to talk about her or hear about her.
Never the less, it rips him apart and he talks about it in different ways.
It was also one of the reasons why I stuck it out with her for so long..
There was a child involved. It was more than just me.

If the only wreackage and consequence that was suffered and endure by my ex, she can fresia up her
life all she wants. The truth of the matter and facts are she freaken hurted alot of people. The poeple
that are cloest to her and loves her the most.

She had yet to say one word to me about any of it. Not one remose . Not one applogy. Not one amend.
I feel angery for all the destructions that she's cuased in our lives. It was unnecessary.
I feel fustrated and even more pissed off becuase she's gone totally holier than thou or on sometype
of insane honeysuckle. She tells everyone that she had made her amends...wroking her 12 steps in AA.
Lies and more fucken lies..it's totally fucken backwards to what the program teachs.
Well stab me with a fucken pitch fork..I lived with her through all of that bullshit. There's
wasn't anyone around living her through all of that honeysuckle except me and the kid...

And I'm suppose to sit the fresia down and just STFU and just take it and take it.
Then i read some honeysuckle about people should purposely seek fucken disaster...It's like pouring salt
into my fucken wounds.

NO...Absolutely nothing good had come out of any of it. It's a fucken train wreck with
god **** broken peice spewed in every direction.
She havn't been willing to help us clean up any of the freaken mess she cuased.
I ought to fucken know...I'll let everybody knows when she decide to help or make amends.
She not avioding disaster..she's avioding cleaning up her fucken mess.

And I read some crazy ass honeysuckle on the wall and people fucken preaching to me.
"wait for the mirracle to happen"....Errr WTF.
If there's a god..it's ain't happening...I ought to fucken know.
Yet I get up everyday and still have that fucken little glimps of fucken hope in the back of my mind...for a fucken mirracle.

Yes...and I hear the honeysuckle about leaving the fucken past in the past..
Well fresia me with a 2x4...I asked her to help me FIX this honeysuckle the moment it happened.
I fucken begged her to stop the crap before that fucken train wreack.

I just had to get that out. It's been ******* with me all day today. Let go of this honeysuckle over and over again.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Then i read some honeysuckle about people should purposely seek fucken disaster...It's like pouring salt
into my fucken wounds.

NO...Absolutely nothing good had come out of any of it. It's a fucken train wreck with god **** broken peice spewed in every direction.
She havn't been willing to help us clean up any of the freaken mess she cuased.
I ought to fucken know...I'll let everybody knows when she decide to help or make amends.
She not avioding disaster..she's avioding cleaning up her fucken mess.

And I read some crazy ass honeysuckle on the wall and people fucken preaching to me.
"wait for the mirracle to happen"....Errr WTF.
If there's a god..it's ain't happening...I ought to fucken know.
Yet I get up everyday and still have that fucken little glimps of fucken hope in the back of my mind...for a fucken mirracle.

Yes...and I hear the honeysuckle about leaving the fucken past in the past..
Well fresia me with a 2x4...I asked her to help me FIX this honeysuckle the moment it happened.
I fucken begged her to stop the crap before that fucken train wreack.

I just had to get that out. It's been ******* with me all day today. Let go of this honeysuckle over and over again.

I hear you, LC and I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. (((LonesomeCrow)))

That advice really got my back up too. I don't think that anything good can come from welcoming disaster into our lives. Just having the bragging rights, "Hey, look what I survived, and it see how ******* strong it made me!" isn't worth the pain and devastation.

People have asked me if I don't think I'm a stronger, better person having gone through burying my son and all the other honeysuckle, and honestly, they must be on crack. I'd much rather be a weaker, more shallow person if it means I get to have my son and an easier life. WTF are they thinking with this shitty consolation?

 

[epileptic]

I guess the honeysuckle that has dumped on me has taught me to be a more spiritual person. Always trying to improve my self. But if it comes to being successfull financially, I fail. Perhaps if I didnt ultimately think that money is the root for many of the problems in this world, then maybe I would have more of it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I've been in recovery for almost 20 years. I work the 12 steps program.
It require of me to work sometype spiritaul program or principles in my life.
I do understand the concept of hitting a bottom or disaster in my life that
I created.

Yes, after working the 12steps a couple of times...I became aware of what
an inconsiderate selffish prick I was towards my ex-wf. I assure you she didn't
want me to go out and created more disasters in our lives or more pains her life.
I am fully aware why she cutted my ass out of her life with good reasons becuase
I broke every god **** thing that we owned. That's not even to mention
I ripped and stompped on her heart a couple of times to add more insult to injuries.
I nevered fulley understood how she felt when she was on her knees crying her heart
out begging me to stop. Well...now I fucken know.

It's also written in step #3 in a recovery book that no amount of spirtaul
awakening or consiousness will remove the pains and sorrows of life on life's
terms. I felt like I was going out of my god **** mind to experienced and feel
all the honeysuckle. Errr...I don't pick up a drink or use drugs no matter what.
(haha, it's ironic...not to get wakced out of my fucken mind when I'm going out of my fucken mind.lol)
In other words don't fresia up honeysuckle more than it's already is..inspite of it all.
I don't have an excuse to get shited faced and fry brain cells any more.
It didn't prove that I was a stronger or better person.

I do comprehend the priciple of not rest on my lauraels or not getting too comfortiable.
Keeping an openmind, staying teachable or stay willing to learn...continuing to grow as
a person no matter what or where I'm at in my life.

I rather pursuit happiness and success. This too would require of me to get out of my
comfortzone, face my fears, persever, change, challange myself, decipline myself.
The results would be positive, benificial to me and everyone else around me...Rather
then to be wasting time, energy and life picking up the freaken piece and wrackage of
a disaster. It's not rocket science. I belive anyone can figure this one out.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

It's also written in step #3 in a recovery book that no amount of spirtaul
awakening or consiousness will remove the pains and sorrows of life on life's
terms.

This is an interesting thought, and one I may have to spend some time really thinking about.

Don't Buddhists believe differently? Or is their opinion on handling pains and sorrows just different?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's also written in step #3 in a recovery book that no amount of spirtaul
awakening or consiousness will remove the pains and sorrows of life on life's
terms.

This is an interesting thought, and one I may have to spend some time really thinking about.

Don't Buddhists believe differently? Or is their opinion on handling pains and sorrows just different?

It's just a suggestion CheaptrickFan.
The book was not ment to be taking as all and be all.
It's a book for recovering addicts. Most if not all addicts wants
to check out or numb out at any signs of pains
I struggle very much with an idea of a HP today.
I was searching for answers. That was something that jump out at me.
It's what I felt and experience and it helped me not to pick up and
used drugs. Not to run away from my emotions and it was okay for
me to cry. Feeling my pains for whatever it was.
"Don't pick up and use NO MATTER WHAT"
The "no matter what" part of that sentence ain't easy to practice
sometimes.. Being an addict type of person that I am...
honeysuckle..I don't need to wait to be sent to hell..I start my own hell
here on earth with chemicle running through my vains. My ex-wf can testifiy to that.

I'm pretty sure you might had experince some of that yourself as
being a ex-wife of a musician. You know how some of us lead guitar
players are. We wrote songs, mastered the art of destructions and have the appitite for it....lol
Sweet beautiful women with green eyes as yourself are Attracted to us. We infect your soul..babe.

As an Acoa...I knew how to checked out mentally and emotionally without drugs or alcohol.
I just shut down mentally and emotionally. Behavior patterns I delevoped at a very young age.
I had to do it to survive the abuse as a child. As a teenager and young man it was
much easier to get high and party all the time as a form of escape.
Getting honest with myself. Willing looking into dept of fucken hell.
It's was instant freaken pain from the moment I sobered up.
On top of looking into the eyes of a stranger while looking in the mirror.lol

I'm not a buddhist. I was raised with christianity up bringing.
I've done a little bit of reserch on buddahism ..some of the spiritaul principles wern't knew to me.
Well..being sober since I was 22..I might had came across spiritaul teachings here and there...
Buddhist dosn't belive in a god...rather a higher self.
There are many lessons...such as taking the middle road. (balance, dettachemnets or un addictive personalities/traits/behaviors)
In Buddhad's journey of enlightenment..he came across monks
that straved themselves. He also came across monks the whipped themselve.
Buddhad came to a conculsion none of the self mutilating crap was unneccesary.

Buddhad also spent the last years of his life suffering very painful
illness...Life on life's terms.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It's like, it's always darkest before the dawn. Or once you hit rock bottom you've got nothing left to do besides crawl up. Once I went to juvy and a psych hospital I really realized that life could be much worse, and that I shouldn't waste the short time I have.

wow really fluff??? You dont seem the type. but I'm glad you got what you did out of it!!

 

[Papabear]

this thread is fight club style awesome....

 

[androidhippy]

Many of my clients spend their time avoiding disasters in their life. Nothing slows you down more then that. Disasters, chaos, destruction and failure are critical parts of your life’s progression. :club:

You don’t learn from doing it right. You don’t evolve from winning. You don’t grow from success. Doing it right, winning and success are the result of the lessons you learn from failing.

You need the contrast of not getting what you want. Don’t resist. Engage it. Every time a client goes into breakdown I aways say, “Something good is going to happen out of this. I wonder what it will be?”

I understand the spirit of what you're trying to convey, that you have to accept a certain amount of mistakes on any given path you choose, and that learning from those mistakes is what helps you reach your goal. I've actually heard something similar from a psychiatrist I saw a few years back. His description was a little more basic, he said "you have to learn to love pain" because that part of your mind that you're flexing is gradually growing in strength as you try and try again.

The problem is that when you tell somebody that, you really have to be sure you understand who they are and what they really need to be happy. Most psychiatrists, sadly, don't really understand how different healthy human beings really can be, and that those differences are strengths rather than disorders to be fixed.

I have no idea if you're a psychiatrist or not (I'm guessing that you are as you use the word client), but I sincerely hope that you've paid an appropriate amount of attention to who your clients really are before you send them off on any quixotic journeys.

Sometimes the only thing people really need to hear is that they are beautiful and valuable no matter what path they choose.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I have no idea if you're a psychiatrist or not (I'm guessing that you are as you use the word client)...

No. He's a Life Coach with a background in sales ( "a sales person who used hypnosis as a sales tool..." that is from his own website, linked in his signature). In my honest opinion, he's come here not to engage in a meaningful way with others, but to drum up potential "clients" from a group of people who have already self-selected themselves as lonely.

He has a grand total of 8 posts here, 4 of which are threads he started, like this one, offering unsolicited advice. They seem to be simple cut-and-paste blurbs from his blog on his Life Coaching website.

I may just be a jaded old *****, but most life coaches just seem to be modern versions of snake oil peddlers.

There. I said it.

 

[Steel]

I agree, and I'm certainly not a jaded old *****. I hope.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I agree, and I'm certainly not a jaded old *****. I hope.

Says who?

lol, just teasing.

Neither of you are. You're exactly right.